The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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John: how's about men just love to look at two chicks getting it on?

12:08 AM me: one day, when all the chicks who decided to "try" being bi in school so that they could make a little extra money decide to stick with the leg lickin, you men will reget thinking it's so hott
cause you won't be finding any straight women...

John: sure you will

12:09 AM I once dated a lesbian
like, practicing

me: sure who will?

John: in fact, that was sorta practicing on the weekends when I went home and she stayed with some chick

me: so the chick got some... and you didn't?
that had to suck

12:10 AM John: I was trying

me: (or not.. ha ha)

John: she was just TOO liberal
that's what did it in the end

me: that's what you get for dating a lefty

John: before, you know, I got to do her in the end
very very very few of the gay gals were all the way lesbian

me: you didn't do her

12:11 AM John: no, I didn't do her

me: you said you did

John: might've been because she lived in a two bedroom apartment with 4 other women

me: you said you did her in the end

John: I DIDN'T get her in the end, yada yada yada

me: which I was GOING to make a comment about... butt decided not to
HAHA
12:12 AM I'm cracking up
you said " I DIDN'T get her in the end"

John: yes, I know

me: hahah

12:13 AM John: see, I write these things with humor in mind
never mind

me: okay

John: glad you have somethign to laugh about
it's good to laugh

12:14 AM me: all the bi girls I knew were pretty much "bi when drunk only" the lesbians were all serious, no men llowed lesbians though

John: that doesn't sound all that great

me: I can understand the bi when drunk only type... but the other scare me

12:15 AM John: WHAT IS IT WITH ME AND FEEDBURNER?!?!?!?!?? WHY DOES IT HATE ME SO??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

me: it doesn't
why'd you do to it?
12:16 AM wait.. don't answer that yet
I'll be right back
12:20 AM okay... so what did you do to the feedthing?

12:21 AM John: just complaining

it says I have 41 subscribers

me: what's wrong with that?

John: I'd just love it to get to 50
12:22 AM then I'd stick it all over everywhere, saying, "hey! look at my subscribers!!!!

me: you still have more than me
so shut up

12:23 AM John: that's because you, like Beth, don't force all the rss over to that

me: oh
12:24 AM don't forget that I burn the feed under two names... because I couldn't remember the login to the first one

12:26 AM John: do this, on the footer of the post, just put a text link that says "if you enjoyed this post, subscribe to the site feed for the latest updates"
or soemthing like that
and give the new RSS feed thingee
since you changed over to the beta version, I think the rss feed died on the old burned feed

me: i have the little "get emailed updates: thingy

John: so that one produced no content
yeah, it's never a bad thing to have both
12:27 AM I have 3 on mine

me: no it does... wathc
watch
http://feeds.feedburner.com/lostinlimaohio

John: email, subscribe, and print

me: http://feeds.feedburner.com/justlostinlimaohio

12:28 AM John: then you're all good, then

12:29 AM me: no... cause I can't see how many are subscribed to the one with "just" in there
it bothers me

12:30 AM John: well, is it anywhere on your site?
odds are, nobody uses it, then
and, just tell them all to switch over for even more bloggy goodness
and to get all kinds of new newness

12:31 AM me: I don't like to be bossy

12:32 AM John: okay, who are you, and what are you doing with Lilo

me: plus... i don't know where they are all coming from... I have feedblitz, feedburner which picks up like 5 other places and all those other stupid ones
12:33 AM Windows Media Center 2005 headlines from your favorite sites. Go directly to the articles that interest you -- saving you time.
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NewsGator Online

NewsGator online is a free web-based aggregator with a clean user interface that makes it easy to arrange and track your favorite news feeds. Newsgator supports all the major feed formats and has a number of additional features for ranking feeds, getting recommendations, and permanently saving specific feed items.
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ewwwwwwww ignore that
12:34 AM it didn't work right
John: just make 'em all use the FeedBurner shizzle
12:35 AM me: how do I stop them from using the other ones?
John: ask them nicely
me: if they already have it... I can't hunt them down and make them quit
12:36 AM John: you can shut off feedblitz and stuff
if you get them all on the FeedBurner email, it shows you how many folks get that, and the email they use
12:37 AM me: i like that one... I just don't want them using the "just" feed
I want them to use http://feeds.feedburner.com/lostinlimaohio
so I can track then
them
John: yeah, well, you have to ask them. be all bossy and stuff.
me: feedblitz shows me all that too
12:39 AM John: I like mine all in one place, so I'm happy that way
12:40 AM me: i should have tried that
thanks for waiting until now to tell me
12:41 AM John: you didn't ask
I can't tell you if you don't ask
it's really your fault, you see
me: you should have known that i didn't know what i was doing
12:42 AM John: you're the smart one, not me
me: whatever
John: have I ever told anybody that I'm surrounded by people who know more than me, who always thing I know more than them?
12:43 AM me: you just like to know stuff that I don't
John: all my like, I tell ya
all my life, I mean
cold coming on, I just know it
me: did you know about the one feed thing?
huh?
i think so
did I?
huh?
i think not
12:44 AM John: it's not liek you can really force people to do things on Blogger
or WordPress.com even
you need your own darn domain, you know that?
12:45 AM me: i'm cheap
blogger is free
12:46 AM John: have I mentioned coComment is slow as Christmas turkey?
me: i still can't get rid of that damn thing
12:47 AM John: what's wrong with it?
me: which ... would be yet another thing you never took the time to warn me about
I don't know what is wrong with it
it's all stuck in Flock
John: which would be tough, since I didn't start using it until today
me: and even when I uninstalled... it didn't go away
we talked about it before
12:48 AM on aug 17th
John: not long enough for me to remember
me: at 12:48 am

12:50 AM me: see this is why you should check up on those things
have you ever seen www.cocomment.com?
12:49 AM John: yep
totally didn't like that idea
me: I thought I would try it, and now... I can't get rid of it
John: I like being megalomanic, but that's a little much
12:50 AM me: completely messed up flock
John: and that's the other thing, it don't leave
me: thanks for the warning
I've been having hell trying to get rid of it, it shows up EVERYWHERE, including when I email and write posts
12:51 AM John: yeah, it's being helpful
and by helpful, I mean stalkerish
me: it's worse than you
John: I've never bothered to sign up
it seemed a little 1984 to me

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12:51 AM John: well, I've changed
12:52 AM I think that may be because it just licks wounds, it does
12:53 AM me: licks wounds? er, um, okay
(me thinks you are taking too much cough meds)
John: licks wounds means it's a bad thing
12:54 AM me: it sounds bad
and gross
very gross
John: so it works, then!
12:55 AM me: if your intent is to gross me out, it worked
12:56 AM John: there you go
7 minutes
1:03 AM John: http://www.text-link-ads.com/blog_juice/index.php?url=macstansbury.com&cat=all
1:05 AM me: how cute
1:06 AM John: bah, humbug
1:07 AM me: Serving Size: lostinlimaohio.blogspot.com

Total Blog Juice: 0.8
John: figures
me: you love me
1:08 AM John: yeah, you know how I love it when you're on top of me
1:09 AM me: well, you wouldn't want to be on top of me would you>
John: thinking
1:10 AM you know, I've got an idea for a television show that has you as one of the characters
sort of
you and another person are blended together
1:11 AM me: um...
who is the other person?
John: that's because there's the flashbacks, and you're not 18 years old
me: cause I'm not sure I'm up to being blended
John: she was this really really cute blonde cheerleader
1:12 AM me: yuck
I am not going to blend with a blonde
John: well, if you did, I can think of at least two people who would really dig it
1:13 AM me: two whole people?
oh.. well in that case...
John: at least
1:14 AM it could possibly be a lot more than that, depending on licensing issues
1:15 AM me: and the blending issues
just how are you going to blend me with a blonde?
1:16 AM John: I needed somebody who was all motherly, yet I still wanted to boink
1:17 AM so I took many of your characteristics, took some of my mythos from college, and made a believable character out of them
1:18 AM me: wait... back up to the "motherly" thing
1:19 AM John: you make cookies, do you not? fudge? have you not the childrens?
me: so you steal all my motherly qualities... and add in some of "makes you want to boink them" qualities of someone else and now have a character?
I'm offended
as if I have no boinkable like qualities myself
1:20 AM John: no, I needed somebody motherlyish that I knew to build the character on. seeing as how there's a constant, unspoken sexual tension running between you and I (and by unspoken, I mean I only type the filth about lesbotronics and whatnot), I can relate to the boinking while still knowing you got kids
1:21 AM something that would, when I was younger, cause me to run, shrieking, and making me want to take a bath while I emptied a bottle of Wild Turkey
1:22 AM me: you really know how to make a girl feel good, you know that?
1:23 AM John: no, not really
1:24 AM me: so... any more insults you feel like directing my way tonight?
1:25 AM John: that whole exchange was take-picture-able
me: especially the part where you insulted me
John: I thought it was rather complimentary that you're somebody I find interesting
1:26 AM me: there is nothing about this "something that would, when I was younger, cause me to run, shrieking, and making me want to take a bath while I emptied a bottle of Wild Turkey" that is complimentary
1:27 AM John: um, back when I was younger, I was an idiot, though
me: even if you would have felt that way in your younger years... YOU DON'T SAY IT
yeah... but back when you were younger... so was I
and I didn't have kids
John: when I was younger, I thought that any girl over 18 was too old
1:28 AM me: and you're how old now?
cause i'm 28...
John: 35 next week
me: HA
29 feb 5th
what day next week?
John: remember my thing about the 7 years?
1:29 AM 21st
I've matured a lot, but still have tons to go
me: i do not recall seven years... refresh me
John: I've gotten over a lot of hangups over the years
1:30 AM me: it's okay... I would have been to drunk to notice you in my younger years
John: remember when I guess how old your hubby was, just by my nesting instinct research?
me: yeah yeah yeah
it's not that hard to guess. I;ve commented about him all over the palce
palc
damnit
1:31 AM PLACE
augh
John: I forget the exact thing, since it's been a while since I looked over my stuff, but for 18 it was 24, and like, 26 would be 35 I think. something like that
1:32 AM then there's the 17 years ones
that's a whole other thing, though
that's the bad breakup age thing
saw that in Mississippi just about once every minute
1:33 AM just something magical about 17 years. never could figure it out.
my boss's daughter, 27 years old, shacked up with, get this, a 43 year old guy
that's just how it worked out
me: which sounds just lovely
1:34 AM John: the difference between men and women
me: he could be a tad older
men have to age a little before they are really ready... you know sowing some oats and stuff like that
1:35 AM John: and because they have more in the purse strings, and have proven they can kill the weaker, younger males
me: the purse strings don't really matter, not to the right woman
1:36 AM i'd be with him even if we couldn't afford basic cable
John: okay, now I'm getting too sleepy to argue with you
me: you can't argue about that
1:37 AM John: and how can you argue with a lady who loves, even without ESPN and HBO? HOW? How, I ask you?

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The conversation went on for a while after that, but I'm sure that anything he plans on posts will be from somewhere in there.

And just think, that's only a little drop of the sort of great small talk IM's going on out there. See what you are missing by not having Google Talk, and not staying up all hours of the night, and not having me and John on your buddy list?

Which reminds me, oddly enough Sam doesn't chat with me. I'm sort of shocked about that, cause you'd think Sam would be all about the pointless small talk. But at least now she can't claim that all my posts somehow relate to sex.

Contributed by Lostinlimaohio