The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: Moron Revealed #51

Moron of the Week - 51 - Nicole Richie
That's right, Jim, this week's moron is Nicole Richie.

Congrats Jim, for beating everyone to the win.

Nicole Richie isn't just moronic for teaming up with Paris Hilton in The Simple Life "reality" show, she's also a moron in her personal life.

Virtually anonymous pre-Paris Hilton, she has since aspired to great depths of ineptitude with her display of sheer stupidity and superficiality.

Pathetic to the point of essentially begging for compliments from 11 year old boys. Yes, 11 year old boys:

Nicole Richie apparently upset a Los Angeles family during a taping of The Simple Life last week by stopping an 11-year-old boy in his driveway and asking him, in graphic terms, if he found her attractive.

I guess men her age are too mature for her.

And, the boy's response must not have done the job for her because she's since gone on starving herself.

Although she continuously claims she doesn't have an eating disorder, it is displayed quite obviously in the infinite photos taken of the skeleton. Not to mention the fact that she has had to seek help to gain some weight.

Uh ya, moron, that does mean that you have an eating problem. Most people already know how to put food in their mouths, chew, and swallow it by your age without requiring aid.

Moron.

But, then again, it could possibly be all the drugs she's probably on that keep her too full and stoned to know when her body's really hungry:

She used marijuana, cocaine, and heroin, was arrested three times, and was involved in five car accidents.

It's seems her stylist is her own personal drug dealer, as well, so I'm guessing she gets her hair done A LOT.

And, her food intake is so deplete that it's been claimed she actually fainted while on one of her shopping sprees:

Did Nicole Richie take that phrase “shop until you drop” too seriously?

The super-skinny reality show star reportedly fainted while doing a little retail therapy. Richie — who has admitted that she’s too thin but has denied that she has an eating disorder — collapsed while browsing at Kitson, a chic LA boutique, on July 15, according to Life & Style.

But, perhaps she's been getting a little help for her many addictions because she was recently caught coming from a crystal meth rehab clinic:

Nicole Richie was photographed outside the West Hollywood Recovery Center on 626 N Robertson Boulevard.

Hey Richie, drop the dope and start popping some protein instead.

Moron.

Let's just hope she gains enough weight so that she doesn't look so sickly in her future music videos .

Yes, Richie's jumped on the celebrity bandwagon by coming out with some celeb-o-cr*p songs in an album she plans to release early next year.

Oh joy, how luck we are.

And, surprise, it's even going to have a revenge-seeking song called "Severed Ties" as a stab-Paris-Hilton-in-the-back track.

Good luck with that petty foolishness, moron.

Anyhow, I'll leave you with this, Richie recently left the trendy pub, The Viper Room, in shame as a bunch of puppets mocked her:

After an altercation with a photographer, Nicole went to drown her sorrows in the Viper Room, where LA art-pop band The Spores were playing. Sadly for Nicole, the band spotted her diving into a booth and used their trademark on-stage puppets to take the piss out of her inability to afford food, culminating in one of the puppets saying, "I screwed Nicole Ritchie... and wrapped my whole dick around her waist." Nicole stormed out telling doormen that she was going to sue.

You've got to be pretty lame if socks are even making fun of you.

Congrats again Jim.

Comments

Hey Sam, I never quite reaized just what a complete moron, or as I prefer moonbat:)she is. Thats how much I pay attention to these idiots. Congrats to Jim! Sam posted some funnies today and took a cue from boobygate, couldn't hurt see ya ..M

Posted by: madd | October 6, 2006 06:34 AM

Who's Nichole Ritchie?? I think Jim cheated. She must have been an old classmate or something. She looks a bit mal-nourished. I wonder if she's fixin' to eat the dog?

Posted by: Skul | October 7, 2006 07:59 AM

I'd call her (Nicole) a cunt, but she has neither the warmth nor the depth.

Posted by: Fred | October 7, 2006 05:36 PM

I agree with Freds choice of description, only problem is cunts are useful.

Posted by: Stevo in Taichung | October 8, 2006 07:25 PM