The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

George Carlin has some funny stuff to share, which you may or may not have already heard or read before.

I liked them when I read them, and thought it only fair that I share some of my favourites with you, regardless of how cheesy it is to merely cut and paste articles.

Lol, but I'm not exactly known for being the most tactful person around.

Anyhow, here they are:

1. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
2. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
3. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in... what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
11. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
15. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Bonus Favourite: I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

And, head here for more George Carlinisms.