The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

No, this isn't going to turn into a recipes blog, but I thought I'd share one of the quickest, easiest ways to add some poundage over the holidays.

Ingredients
2 1/2 tbsp butter
1 c. marshmallows
1/4 tsp vanilla
2 c. rice crispies cereal

In microwave-safe bowl, melt butter and marshmallows together. Stir in vanilla, add cereal and stir 'til coated.

Press into pan. Cool. Cut into Squares. Devour.

Makes 8 squares, enough for one or one people (supposed to be one or two people, but you know you'll eat the whole lot).

Of course, if that's too much work for you, then there's always 7-11.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Gotta love it when amazon has a little fun with the products they're selling.

Here are Products That Aren't Adult Toys But Look Like They Should Be.

Wonder what this looks like.

And, these have always disturbed me just a little bit.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Hat Tip: Thanks goes to The View From The Nest for inspiring me to write about Santy Claus.

I am assuming (hoping) that my primary reader base is adults (considering the content I often post), nonetheless I want to raise awareness that NORAD tracks Santa.

Yes, now you can go online to the NORAD (The North American Aerospace Defense Command) military site to track Santa's progress.

NORAD uses four high-tech systems to track Santa - radar, satellites, Santa Cams, and jet fighter aircraft.

And, while perusing the net, I encountered a few other sites you may want to share with the wee ones (as with all things related to children online, check the sites yourself first to make sure they're appropriate):

Claus.com
The North Pole
And, learn all about Kris Kringle as wikipedia.
Santa's Journal
Santa's Workshop
Write and Email Santa (perhaps best to do this with adult supervision, if you trust it)

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink

As a live-in nanny, short of actually being sick, I really have no excuses I can use to get out of work.

Kinda hard to tell my boss, MR.BIG (also my techie for those unaware), that a raging bull is setting to charge outside my suite door and I can't get out to work.

But, for those who can use various reasons to ditch work, here is a list of the weirdest stories I've heard in a while:

1) Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
2) A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
3) Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
4) Employee called from his cell phone, said he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and no one was around to let him out.
5) Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.
6) Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
7) One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.
8) Employee's mother was in jail.
9) A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
10) Employee had bad hiccups.
11) Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.
12) Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.
13) Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
14) Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.
15) Employee was sad.

I guess I could actually use #5 with all the snow we have here right now.

Lol.

So, have you ever given a bizarre reason for skipping out?

Let us hear it.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

Hopefully this person made plenty of room for all his/her big mistakes.

And, just so you know, we're also ashamed of you, but don't get your feelings hurt over it.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Also known as Men's Room Etiquette.

Possibly a future teaching aid for school kids???

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Some readers may enjoy this one more than others, but head to the mammoplasty place to see if you can tell the difference between real ones and fake ones.

I'm not a booby master. My score: 57%

Except, I got the Pamela Anderson one wrong, and I'm sure that picture was taken after she got them removed. You tell me.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I just saw the commercial for the 2006 Billboard Music Awards and got a mini laugh out of it.

Apparently, they're trying to sell the show based on the fact that Janet Jackson will be performing live on it.

They're saying something like, "you never know what's going to happen", referring, of course, to her breast exposure at that football game.

Well, I've got something to say about that...

Whoopy.

We've already seen it. We can see it right now. Again and again.

It's been done. She's old news.

And, I mean old.

The only way it could be topped is with full nudity, and that's something I don't think anyone should be subjected to.

Oh ya, and don't give me that bologna that it was an accident. Nobody puts on pasties without planning to expose them.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

You know, when I began this blog, I never thought I'd be writing about panda porn.

I never thought such a thing existed.

But, it seems Thailand - the land of sex and sexuality - has thought enough to create some panda pornography to get their bears mating:

After years of painstaking research, scientists say they have unleashed a baby boom among one of the world’s most beloved but endangered animals, China’s giant panda.

A bit of panda porn has helped too, they say.

“It works,” enthuses Zhang Zhihe, a leading Chinese expert, about showing uninitiated males DVDs of fellow pandas mating.

I mean, I know they have to be raised in captivity these days because human developments have taken away their habitat and all, but what's the point of hanging onto a thread?

I guess until they actually do go extinct, they've got their porn to keep them going.

And, in other panda news, it seems the animal's poo can bring in quite a profit for the zoo in Thailand.

When keepers of the country's panda couple - Chuang Chuang and Lin Hui - tired of disposing the 25 kilograms of feces daily produced by the duo, Prasertsak Buntragulpoontawee came up with the idea of turning it into notebooks, fans, bookmarks and key chains.

"At first the Chinese were very skeptical," said the head of Chiang Mai Zoo's panda unit, referring to the proprietary attitude China takes toward its iconic animal.

But the multicoloured paper products have proven hot selling-items at the zoo, with the the equivalent of about C$9,350 earned to date helping balance the accounts of panda keeping.

I just hope I don't get any mail from Thailand; I'm not sure I'll want to touch it.

And, imagine fanning yourself with sh*t.

I think that would make for both a hot and smelly day.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:15 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

At least, that's what it did for me.

It's bad enough the game's written in French (although, you don't need instructions to understand the concept of the game), but it's tough too.

Don't ask me what it's called; I don't do French.

4.734 seconds is my time for first try. That's bad.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Here are some more Christmas items I just know you'd love to get your whole family.

Fruity fartin' Fred
Stale BeerFarts, Jr.
And, of course, the age-old poo poo platter.

But, I really would love to own one of these: mooning gnome. Too bad it isn't holding a welcome sign.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

More news bits come our way thanks to Jim.

Hard-working Britain: The Birmingham City Council revealed in October, first, that a man whose job is to paint white lines in the street made more than twice the average annual British wage, and then that a city lightbulb-changer was paid at about the same rate. [Reuters, 11-1-06]

Plus, street line painting is a prestigious occupation. Wouldn't you like that job? I know I would.

Heh heh heh.

And in October, London's Daily Mail profiled Keith Jackson, 57, an engineer for the AquaTec Coatings company in Wales, whose occupation for the last 30 years has been watching paint dry (to gauge its application time). He said the job pays "fairly well" but "can be stressful." [Daily Mail (London), 10-5-06]

How f*cking lazy is this guy if he gets stressed out over WATCHING PAINT DRY?

Lawrence Roach of Seminole, Fla., complained in October that the $1,200 monthly alimony payments he has been making to his ex-wife should end, now that she has undergone a sex-change. Said Roach, "I'm a man, and I don't want to be paying alimony to a man." (Legal experts were pessimistic about his chances.) [BayNews9.com (Tampa-St. Petersburg), 10-4-06]

Sucks for him, but I'm sure he'll have to pay anyhow seeing as it's the person, not the gender, that he is obligated to.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I mean nativity.

Hat Tip: 123beta for this news about preposterous PETA .

It seems PETA did something stupid recently - surprise, surprise - as they've mistakenly targeted an Alaska church nativity scene.

The Rev. Jason Armstrong was confused by an e-mail this week from PETA, which admonished him for subjecting animals "to cruel treatment and danger," by forcing them into roles in the church's annual manger scene.

"We've never had live animals, so I just figured this was some spam thing," Armstrong said. "It's rough enough on us people standing out there in the cold. So we're definitely not using animals."

Jackie Vergerio, PETA's captive animals in entertainment specialist, said her organization tracks churches nationwide that use real animals in "living nativity scenes."

I say, mmm... roadkill, gurgle.

Shut the f*ck up PETA. Meat is here on this planet to eat, and if you don't like it, eat your d*mn veggies and shut up.

(ignore the fact that I just said that while being the PERV President)

But, leave it to PETA to confuse people dressed as manger animals for real animals.

Duh.

They're probably just thanking their lucky stars that they didn't blow up the church without substantial proof of some "violation" (na, I'm sure those ignoramuses don't care either way).

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Posted by Samantha at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Here is a list of some bloggers I know of whom you may be interested in voting on. I encourage you all to get out there and read some good stuff from my fellow Canucks.

SmartCanucks.ca Best Blog
Abandoned Stuff by Saskboy Best Progressive Blog
NASCAR Ranting and Raving Best Sports Blog, Best Blog Post
Harper Valley Best New Blog, Best Blog Post Series, Best Humour Blog (my competition)
And, of course, Samantha Burns in the Humour Category.

I'm sure I missed a few, so please add them in the comment section below if I did. I went through the list pretty fast.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Blog Navel Gazing - Endorsement grazing [by Abandoned Stuff by Saskboy]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

2007 DOG POOP CALENDAR

Need I say more?

Put that up on your office wall and see how long it takes you to get fired, lol.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Good Stuff [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Perhaps you'd enjoy heading to the insult finder to get the best insult for your needs. Some are timeless; some are freshly pulled out of people's arses; and perhaps you'd like to add your own.

Some of my favourites:

Your mom must be a dog and your dad must be a donkey, because you're sure one jacka$$ son of a b*tch.

You're the only person I know that could f*ck up a wet dream.

If your parents got a divorce would they still be brother and sister?

If I was in a room with you and two werewolves, and I had a gun with two silver bullets, I'd shoot you... twice.

Heh.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

At least, that's the way it seems these days as more and more weird doggy products become available. From wigs to clothing to psychological analysis, your dog can be pampered better than you ever were and ever will be.

With all that's going on, I wouldn't doubt if some day dogs rise up to take over the world. Screw worrying about alien life takeovers, we need to fear dogs... and no, I don't have cynophobia.

But, for those of you who choose to bow-wow down to the new poochie overlords, here is the latest popular puppy privilege: Canine Cafés.

The spare decor is understatedly chic. Whimsical sales displays hold $100 hand-woven dog collars imported from Germany and rhinestone covered leash grips.

The menu offers gourmet coffee, green tea and, for four-legged foodies, homemade ostrich liver biscuits and cakes with mashed-potato icing.

Some clients may have a pedigree, others a hazier though no less noble lineage. But the rules apply to all -- no leash, no service. Brawling and excessive barking prohibited.

What people are spending on their pets these days is what they used to spend on kids, if not more.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Well, congratulations goes to imaginekitty gaining the win and knowing David Letterman is a moron.

So, will imaginekitty maintain the throne for another week, or will you be the next champ?

Good luck to everyone.

Here is the standard info for the game:

To your right is the Moron Of The Week posting from which you will be able to guess who you believe is the moron in the picture, then submit your answer in the comment section of this article. On Friday, I will provide the correct answer along with a link to the winning guess's site. Will you be the winner this week?

PS - this isn't going to be easy as there is no shortage of morons out there: politicians, journalists, celebrities, frothing-at-the-mouth moonbats, and the like.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Another Caption Contest - Bush Flips the Bird! [by Right Pundits]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Trackbacking info: Showcase your best work; attract new readers (linking this article in return of course). Do NOT link your open trackback post here. Use Linkfest Haven instead. To the right, you will find OTA members who are doing open trackbacks for the day.

When done, play Diane's Stuff's Dead Guy on the Sidebar.
And, please click some blogads to support this site.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Knucklehead Award Friday Part One [by The Florida Masochist]
It's all about the party......... [by THE HILL CHRONICLES]
Open Trackback Weekend [by The Amboy Times]
Using New Forensic Techniques to Profile a Criminal Mastermind [by Conservative Cat]
Things I-ve Done [by Planck's Constant]
By Demons Be Driven [by Noblesse Oblige]
Uncooperative Talk Radio - Weekend of November 25, 2006 [by The Uncooperative Blogger]
Why I am the way I am (episode III) [by ★imaginekitty★]
A Christmas Story Redux [by Pirate's Cove]
WTF IS THAT!? 24th Edition. [by MacBros' Place]
The Knucklehead of the Day award [by The Florida Masochist]
Michael Richards apologizes for Hurtful Words - Ag [by Planck's Constant]

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Posted by Samantha at 08:00 PM | Permalink

"GOBBLE!"

For those of you who aren't still passed out from the tryptophan, enjoy your weekend.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink

Woo hoo, imaginekitty got it just in the nick of time.

And, I thought no one would.

Yes, imaginekitty is correct that this week's moron is David Letterman.

And, getting right down to it, here are some reasons why....

David Letterman is nothing more than a stinkin' moronic moonbat who doesn't have the wit enough to actually answer questions; he can only ask them.

Case in point, when Bill O'Reilly was on the show recently, Letterman couldn't hold up his end of the conversation and could only answer questions with questions: O'Reilly too smart for Letterman.

In typical moonbat form, Letterman proves that he is a load of hot air with nothing important to say and has no sense to respond intelligently.

And, you can see more of Letterman's moronic behaviour as he reverts to childish name-calling when he realises he's losing the battle: Letterman calls O'Reilly a bonehead.

Perhaps Letterman was just jealous that O'Reilly got more support and laughs than he, and that's probably also why he continued cutting off O'Reilly. Whenever a moonbat can't respond with intellect, they revert to uneducated name-calling and diverting of questions.

Whatever the reason for his behaviour, Letterman is clearly a moronic moonbat (and that's not name-calling; that's a fact - in my opinion, lol).

And, there's further proof here as he calls Ann Coulter a bitch and suggests setting her up with a murderer, I mean novelist, OJ Simpson.

Of course, note that he's taken to calling people names behind their backs rather than to their faces after being slammed by O'Reilly.

Forget Late Night's "stupid pet tricks", when you watch that show, you get stupid Letterman schticks.

Further proof of Dave's moronic tendencies is his decade-long desire to have, ugh, Oprah on his show.

Anyone who wants to get that near to Oprah has got to have a screw loose.

I guess one of the funniest things I've read about this moron is the fact that he actually had a restraining order against him for allegedly sending subliminal messages to a viewer through the tv.

In December 2005, a fan named Colleen Nestler (whom Letterman claimed he had never met) sought a temporary restraining order in a Santa Fe, New Mexico court against Letterman, claiming he used code words and gestures on his television broadcasts to convey romantic feelings toward her.

Anyhow, for what it's worth, David Letterman is this week's moron, so congrats again to imaginekitty on the win.

More on the moron:

Letterman's biorhythms
Grudge Match: Letterman vs. Leno
DAVID LETTERMAN SUCKS!
Today's Cartoon: David Letterman vs. Bill O'Reilly Round Two
Less than humourous Letterman quotes
More Letterman quotes
David Letterman in Money Trouble Again
http://search.sympatico.msn.ca/results.aspx?q=david+letterman&cp=65001&first=81&FORM=PORE
http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/l/david_letterman/index.html?offset=0&&&inline=nyt-per
http://www.crooksandliars.com/category/david-letterman/
Boycott Letterman
David Letterman Slams Google
Some Letterman jokes at George Bush - and, what makes him worthy of being on tv again???

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
2006 Turkey-of-the-Year Awards [by Doug Ross @ Journal]
Sunday Funnies [by Stop The ACLU]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

If they made chicken flavoured lollipops, could we call them cock suckers?

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Posted by Samantha at 05:04 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Treat your loved one to some laptop love (ya, what are you thinking, you perverts) by giving them these winter USB gloves.

And, the next item is probably one of the more disgusting things I've seen online in a while.

(Warning: the following site has links that take you to real porn; graphic)

If you have someone you care little or nothing about, then you may want to send a turd.

It really "'Tis better to give than to receive."

Of course, if that fecal gift is too graphic for you, you may prefer sending a good luck poop. You can light it, too.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Christmas Gifts [by Shadowscope]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink

I saw this over at Diane's Stuff, who got it from Skye’s who got it from Renaissance Blogger. The idea is simple: copy, bold the things you’ve done, and post.

Here are mine:

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
All these things that I've done [by Right Thoughts...not right wing, just right.]
Things I-ve Done [by Blue Star Chronicles]
Things I Have And Have Not Done [by The World According To Carl]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Jim sends us more great news bits. Thanks Jim.

Korinne Barnes, 29, a single mother of three running for the North Kingstown (R.I.) School Committee, was finally persuaded in September to remove her MySpace.com personal listing in which she described herself as "smart, sexy, fun" and a "voluptuous chocolate sister with a big booty." [Providence Journal, 9-21-06]

That profile is hardly offensive compared to some of the trash I've seen in MySpace.

The small, specialty restaurant Guolizhuang, in Beijing, serves mostly dishes made from various animal penises, according to a September BBC News dispatch, attracting discerning customers who come for the reputed health benefits. Sheep, horse, ox and seal are good for the circulation, said the restaurant's staff nutritionist, and donkey improves the skin. Tiger, she said, has no particular value to justify its high price, but snake ("two penises each," she said) is great for potency. [BBC News, 9-23-06]

Lol, I guess you can say that people in Beijing really like to eat cock.

Of course, we already eat chicken penis. Isn't that how McDonald's gets their nuggets?

In October, The Washington Post reported the growing movement among psychiatrists to call compulsive buying a separate, identifiable disorder and recounted this 62-year-old "shopaholic's" therapeutic conversation with herself: "I would say (to the jewelry she felt compelled to buy), 'You are so beautiful, I can't live without you, I love the way you sparkle.' The jewelry would say back, 'You need me. You look pretty when you wear me.' I would say, 'I do need you. I can't possibly think of being without you. But something has to change. I need to stop this. I can't afford a penny more.'" The patient said she eventually came to believe that her compulsion stemmed from her relationship with her mother. [Washington Post, 10-13-06]

Doesn't it sound like the psychiatrist gave her a new form of nuttiness to add to her compulsion? I mean, yes, bad to be a clinical shopaholic, but isn't it just as bad to be talking to some inanimate object like jewelry, especially when it talks back?

Duh.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Happy Thanksgiving to my US buds out there.

Pack some leftovers to send my way, eh ;-D

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Don't fall for this former weatherman's subliminal messages.

PS - MR.BIG reminded me to say it is **NOT** OJ.

Lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I'm sure I really don't have to explain any further, and quite frankly, I'm not sure what I could add, so here's furniture porn if you're into that really freaky stuff.

Go ahead and peruse the site of furniture fetishism.

Of course, if you're not into watching, there's always telephone sex.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Check out these random items being zapped by a microwave at 123beta's place.

I thought the lightbulb would have exploded more than it did, but the matches were quite a light show - gotta love that ding at the end.

I'd warn you not to try this stuff at home, but I'm sure you wouldn't listen anyhow.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Microwave [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Apparently, there are some really nerdy people out there - perhaps as nerdy as Trekkies.

Sad, but true.

These people are Star Wars fanatics who want their beliefs to be acknowledged as a religion by the UN.

The Religion of Star Wars:

They also want today's International Day for Tolerance renamed Interstellar Day of Tolerance.

Umada and Yunyun said: "For the last ten years the United Nations has marked the International Day of Tolerance. While we support this important work, we feel the UN needs to move with the times.

"Like the UN, the Jedi Knights are peacekeepers and we feel we have the basic right to express our religion through wearing our robes, and to be recognised by the national and international community.

Lol.

The "religion" has two names: it can be called either Star Wars or Jedi Knight.

But, I think they should just lump all movie- and tv-based religions into one category and call them all the religion of the nerds. I mean, there have to be some dorks out there who have pulled religious Star Trek values out of their a$$, right?

And, there's also the worship of Matrixism.

Okay, you can stop rolling your eyes now.

But, if you want to see how other religions compare to the Star Wars religion, check out this article: The Force Is With...Everyone

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Those are words I never thought I'd see together.

It looks like greenpeace is up to their usual shenanigans as they introduce a Blame Canada video.

The goal of this fraudulent South Park story is to brainwash the youth into thinking trawling in Canada and Spain is wrong.

They've taken on Mel Gibson, Saddam Hussein, Satan and Jesus.

Now the potty-mouthed kids from South Park are featured in an online advertisement - and their target is the Canadian government and its opposition to a ban on bottom trawling on the high seas. Greenpeace posted a video spoof online starring Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman, who slam Canada's stance on deep-sea dragging just as a six-day round of talks on sustainable fisheries began at the United Nations.

I mean, I'm pretty certain that they aren't exactly the biggest fans of enviro-weenies. I'm kinda crossing my fingers that they retaliate in a most humourous way.

Kids, if you're reading this, Greenpeace blows... but hopefully you already knew that.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Today's the last day of voting. Be sure to vote for your favourite Canucks at the Blog awards.

My categories: Best Blog, Best Humour Blog, and Best Personal Blog. You are allowed to vote daily.

And, don't forget to nominate others at the upcoming 2006 Weblog Awards.

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Posted by Samantha at 11:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (21)

I think you have to be as drunk as P. Diddy, or Puffball, or Poofster, or whatever his name is today to enjoy watching this: P. Diddy drunk and ragging on Proactiv celebs.

You may also want to be drunk when messing around with this thing: her hair moves with your mouse.

Like I said, these were merely time killers.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Too bad this wasn't a real life experience.

Imagine how much better it would be if this was a virtual reality celebrity punchout game.

Of course, my first pick was Osama Bin Laden, and I'm so glad I didn't get an arse whoopin' from Michael Jackson - he KO'd pretty easy.

I'm kinda surprised he actually threw punches; I thought it would be more of a swatting, cat fight.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It seems like the creator of the Body Worlds exhibits, which have been travelling the world, is now creating a corpse factory.

I wonder if they'll be giving out free samples of corpso-cola and candied carcasses.

Actually, the "factory" won't likely be selling the products they make, instead they will be enabling their tourists to watch the processes of body preservation.

He will be calling it the Plastinarium.

Gunther von Hagens' newest addition to his displays of preserved human and animal bodies and organs, which have attracted more than 20 million viewers around the world, is aimed at offering the public what he calls a unique view of the preservation process, called "plastination."

Plastination preserves the corpses by replacing body fluids with liquid plastic. The plastic is hardened, leaving tissues intact. Bodies can then be displayed without formaldehyde or glass containers, so onlookers can come within centimetres of exposed organs.

For more information on the Body World exhibits, visit Larry Hnetka Goes HMmmm, Diane's Stuff, or read my opinion in Morbid Or Beautiful?

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