The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Once again, Jim comes through with some intriguing and quite funny news pieces.

A traffic officer in eastern Ontario, who ticketed a speeding motorist from Switzerland in September, said the driver blamed it on the lack of goats. He told the officer that he felt liberated to drive fast because, unlike in his country, there were no goats wandering onto the highway. [BBC News-AFP, 9-7-06]

Obviously this person wasn't driving around in my home town where the mountain goats come down onto the highways and laze about during the summer.

Hey, thinking about it, I suppose I can use that excuse if I'm ever caught for speeding, too. "But, officer, I'm used to goats wandering the streets; and without them, I lose all control and cannot resist speeding."

I guess we can just be glad it wasn't the other way around where he speeds up to ram goats intentionally.

Although, I've never tried goat steak before.

And, speaking of goat assault, here's a bizarre tale:

Authorities in the Nigerian village of Isseluku arrested a man for killing his brother in September, but the man insisted that he had only tried to move a goat from his farm but that when it wouldn't move, he hit it with an ax, at which point it turned into his brother (according to an Associated Press report). [South Florida Sun-Sentinel-AP, 9-17-06]

I wonder, if he is ever caught "doing" a goat, will he be arrested for committing incest?

Now, speaking of freaky sex acts,

Charles Henson was convicted of attempted murder in Bristol, England, in October, but insisted he couldn't have done it. His ex-wife said he had stuffed his latex-gloved hand down her throat, knowing that she had a latex allergy that would be fatal within minutes. Henson said that was impossible because, according to the couple's "contract" setting out their sadomasochism, bondage and domination rules, "section four" states very clearly that "the master does not have a right to kill the slave." [The Guardian (London), 10-17-06]

And, I don't know, but it's a little disturbing realising that a Henson may have stuffed his hand into something merely for sexual gratification.

I wonder if he called her his dirty little muppet.

Lol, did I go too far?