The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

This article contributed by Conservative UAW Guy.

Sometimes when I speak, there are questions as to what I am referring to.
Case in point -

This is a pop-tart:

A pop-tart sings (kind of), acts (poorly) and sells images of sexuality and eroticism to underage girls after displaying an initial facade of innocence and wholesomeness to rope them and their parents in. They then becoming increasingly slutty as more dollars roll in.
They come filled with simplistic ideas of life and the universe, along with a vapid personality. Pop-tarts generally have a limited useful lifespan, and are expensive to maintain.

This (below) is a Kellogg's Pop-Tart.

It is a warm, delicious toaster pastry, which comes filled with yummy trans-fat and a sweet fruit filling.
Mmmmmm...trans fat and fruit filling....
They have no personality, but who cares when they're so tasty! Very low maintenance.
Economical, but with a very short lifespan (gulp!)

This next picture is of a pup-tard.

A pup-tard is neither a hyper-sexualized "entertainer", nor a warm, tasty toaster pastry. He is warm however, and expensive to maintain, as he likes to eat most anything. He comes filled with love, teeth, insatiable curiosity, piss, vinegar, and oodles of personality. High maintenance, but worth it for the protection, snuggling, and hippy/commie-biting properties.

His potential lifespan is questionable, as it is a variable that changes with inverse proportionality to his bad behavior. Good thing he's cute and lovable.

I hope this lesson cures any confusion there might have been regarding this terminology. My goal is your edification.

Article contributed by Conservative UAW Guy.