The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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Posted by Samantha at 12:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

Get your crooked self some loot in this swag game.

It has a little too much story for me, but that seems to be the way they're making games these day, eh.

Playing the Larry the Looter game was funny, though.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House
Pelosi was a stirring, with Murtha the louse;

The Dems were asking to hang George without care,
In hopes the troops would soon be back from over there;

While the Dems have been known to be way off their meds,
The voters took to replacing a few Republican talking heads;

The voters fell into the nastiest of traps,
With a choice between loonies or pork belly flaps;

With pork belly spending getting fatter and fatter,
The voters didn’t know what to do with the matter;

The voters had enough of the Republican trash,
But will their decision end up giving a rash;

Now you’d think with such a devastating blow,
The Republicans would eat some of their crow.

You might even guess they’d have something to fear,
That their jobs would be gone in some other year;

But Rumsfeld was gone as George threw him out quick,
Enough to make some voters overly sick.

Just when some thought Republicans would own some of the blame,
In the end the conservative base will get more of the same;

Well 2008 is going to give them a fixin',
Their heads in their arse so they’ll get another good lick’en;

The Republicans still have more room for a fall,
And next time with Hillary in charge of it all;

Now the Democrats have a bigger piece of the pie,
That has to be said with an unfortunate sigh;

And worse yet still, it will stay that way too,
So long as the Republicans hold on to their poo;

So more of John Kerry the tall Heinz aloof,
And more of Ted Kennedy the old fat goof;

Principles will be lacking and narrowly found,
Where conservative ideas aren’t around;

Republican leaders you best seek some input,
From your base or you’ll see something afoot;

Republicans best start sending illegals on back,
And make sure the fence building stays upon track;

Fight hard to put originalists upon the judiciary,
As whom the Democrats want will no doubt be scary;

Don’t act like you’ve been abducted by a liberal UFO,
The base wants to see some serious get-up-and-go;

Keep John McCain from kicking the base in the teeth,
You might want to tie him up in some sort of sheathe;

The base doesn’t want a House full of nervous Nellies,
Nor does the base want their leaders stuffing their potbellies;

Don’t treat tax payer money like a trough for yourself,
Getting kickbacks or cars or even a new mantelshelf;

Start thinking like Reagan-his thoughts in your head,
And the base can go back to fearing Democrats instead;

The Republicans need to get back to their work,
Before the base replaces them with some other jerk;

You can be sure the voters won’t be holding their nose,
And vote for a Republican who smells less than a rose;

So next time the base feels another dismissal,
The Republican Party will be sent to an abyssal;

So for now the government has turned away from the right,
But the hope is the end of that will soon be in sight.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink

You know the old tale of Scottish men and their kilts.

It seems the Scottish army is having to due to a lack of the ceremonial gear.

Military officials said Monday that more than 5,000 Scottish soldiers are having to share their kilts because defense chiefs have not finalized a contract to buy enough of the garments to go around.

The men, who face regular tours of duty in south Iraq and Afghanistan, have just 320 kilts, or one for every 15 soldiers.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Thanks again to Jim for more funny stuff.

In 2002, Jeffrey Klein and Brett Birdwell, both 17 at the time, trespassed onto a railroad yard in Lancaster, Pa., and climbed atop a boxcar to see what the view was like, but were severely burned by a 12,500-volt line on the roof and thus sued Amtrak and Norfolk Southern railroads for not having done enough to prevent them from trespassing. In October, a federal jury awarded the two men a total of about $12 million in compensatory damages plus $12 million in punitive damages.[MSNBC-AP, 10-27-06]

Duh.

Are judges really that stupid?

A 41-year-old engineer in suburban Toronto has accumulated, and worn, about 800 pairs of sports socks over 15 years (half of them off the feet of professional athletes), according to a lengthy November profile in Canada's National Post, which did not reveal his name. The worst part of his hobby, he said (besides having to keep it secret from his wife), is that he is often contacted by foot and sock fetishists, which he denies that he is, preferring to think of himself as sort of a "custodian of history," wrote the Post. [National Post (Toronto), 11-11-06]

I don't know about you, but that's not exactly something I'd be boasting about to the national newspaper.

In a deposition, Ennis, Texas, physician Aniruddha Chitale admitted that semen that patient Sherry Simpson found on her face after a 2004 colonoscopy was his and thus later pleaded guilty to sexual assault. However, in his deposition (according to a report by Dallas' WFAA-TV), Chitale insisted that the act that produced the semen was "unintentional." (Simpson is now suing Ennis Regional Medical Center for having tolerated Chitale's behavior.) [WFAA-TV (Dallas), 9-30-06]

Second of all - LOL!

How the h*ll does one defend "unintentional" facial jizz on a patient?

That poor woman, though. It's bad enough dealing with a colonoscopy, but to find cum on your face afterwards, ugh!

Perhaps the clinic could use this to their advantage. They could promote it: Every butt scope recipient receives free facial lotion.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

This is pretty disgusting, so leave it to me to share with you all.

Winter Feces or Chia Poop

Cat (Litter) Woman

You're welcome.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink

This one's for that doodie head friend of yours.

You know who I'm talking about.

Here's the swirly poop hat

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

For those slackers out there - like me - who still have to complete their final holiday purchases, you may be interested in the site, ReadySetHoliday, which has products from Sears, Kmart, and Lands' End.

I was asked to peruse the site recently and report on it, plus I was given a $30 gift ecard to make some purchases as reward for my efforts.

Woo Hoo! Shoppin'.

It took me a couple days to pick out what I really wanted because there's so much darn stuff. It's great!

For most women, at least.

Not sure how the experience would be for a man, although I'm sure it beats the heck out of the headaches at the malls.

I don't know about you, but I've been spending more and more of my hard-earned pennies (and I mean pennies, that cheap MR.BIG, kidding) with online shopping these days. Sure beats the h*ll out of dealing with those idiot drivers out there.

Anyhow, I made my purchases, so hopefully I'll be seeing that in the mail sometime soon. And, the only problem I had at that site was due to my own stupid mistakes in entering the account code incorrectly.

Lol, I really shouldn't be allowed near a computer.

Nonetheless, the site also has plenty other fun and intriguing stuff, not just shopping. Including a mom-to-mom message board (didn't need that), or you may be interested in playing some of the games there (like I did).

For the Candy Cane Race: My score - 4506 in 39 seconds.

Lots of neat stuff; I'm still checking out the site from time to time.

Anyhow, that's my being a shill for the day, but it was a neat experience. It's just too bad the site doesn't cater to Canucks - hopefully they'll create one for up here (hint, hint).

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Posted by Samantha at 10:09 AM | Permalink

Well, we all have reason to cheer today as the Mustang Ranch whorehouse gets to keep its name.

The infamous Mustang Ranch brothel has been cleared to operate under its famous name, 18 months after it reopened for business at a new location.

A federal judge ruled that the exclusive owner of the Mustang Ranch trademark is Lance Gilman, who bought the gaudy pink stucco buildings that once housed the bordello in 2003 and moved them a short distance next to his Wild Horse Adult Resort & Spa east of Reno.

U.S. District Judge Edward Reed Jr.'s decision Friday went against rival brothel owners David and Ingrid Burgess, who sued Gilman over the trademark to the best-known little whorehouse in the West in January 2004.

In his ruling, Reed said Gilman assumed ownership of the trademark to the state's first legal brothel when he bought the buildings on eBay from the government for $145,000 in 2003.

The government seized the Mustang Ranch in 1999 after guilty verdicts against its parent companies and manager in a federal fraud and racketeering trial.

I guess that means now, you can get screwed at the slots and with the sluts in Reno.

Ya, like you couldn't before, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:01 AM | Permalink

Let me know how you do playing String avoider deluxe.

I made it through 6 levels before losing all lives.

The pyramid one did it to me.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

These guys thought it would be pretty funny to create a McDonalds Order Song.

I guess that reduces some of the boredom of being a drive thru attendant.

I should know - that job sucked.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Okay, we don't have one here, but I'd like to shop there after this story.

Group says "fake" fur on coat at Macy's is real

The Humane Society of the United States said a $237.99 Sean John Hooded Snorkel Jacket for sale on Macy's Web site was described as having an "imitation rabbit fur collar."

But the group said when it purchased the coat, the label read "Made in China" and "genuine raccoon fur." The group said it is testing the fur to see if it is from a raccoon dog, a type of dog raised in China whose fur resembles that of a raccoon.

And, who cares, really.

I just hope the dogs were put to good use and enjoyed as a hearty dinner afterwards.

No, I'm not one to eat dogs, seeing as I like them as pets and all, but if people eat them, then that's their prerogative.

The Humane Society also told Macy's to stop selling furs altogether, which I consider completely moronic. Who cares if I want to wear fake fur.

Frick, it's not even made with animals (not that I'd care), so they can just back the heck off.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It seems that the publisher of the OJ Simpson book, If I Did It got a Christmas canning.

Popular publisher, Judith Regan bit the big one with HarperCollins after she went ahead with that ludicrous Simpson book.

Just what does media giant Rupert Murdoch get his top book publisher, Judith Regan, for Christmas?

Apparently, a permanent vacation.

Regan, who recently made headlines for planning, then pulling, O.J. Simpson's quasi-confession, "If I Did It," was fired Friday by HarperCollins, a subsidiary of Murdoch's News Corp. Word broke during the company's holiday party.

I'm sure Murdoch et. al. have had a lot of guff over the book from the families affected, as well as from the public. So, Regan's Christmas canning was likely just a slight little payback.

Merry F*#@ing Christmas!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

Don't ya think?

You can create your own here.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Hat Tip: Committees of Correspondence for this quizliciousness.

Here's a super short quiz that has astonishing results.

It may even make you cry a little.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I know what I'm getting myself for Christmas.

I must purchase a copy of this blogosphere cookbook in which I was asked to submit some of my favourite recipes.

It's an awesome idea - completely done by bloggers (I believe it was the Top 100 of TTLB who were asked) - and I can't wait to read what many of my fellow bloggers have written in it, as well as try out some new recipes.

I'm electing not to read the recipes posted on the site because I want to wait until I get my copy.

Right now, the cookbook is only available at the link noted above, but it should soon be available via Amazon and other online bookstores.

For me, it's one of those "wish I'd have thought of it" ideas, so I'm fully supporting it... even though I wish I'd have thought of it.

Lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Let me guess, a vegetarian made up this tripe: Vegetarians are more intelligent, says study

A study of thousands of men and women revealed that those who stick to a vegetarian diet have IQs that are around five points higher than those who regularly eat meat.

Writing in the British Medical Journal, the researchers say it isn't clear why veggies are brainier - but admit the fruit and veg-rich vegetarian diet could somehow boost brain power.

It gets worse.

One of the researchers states that the results may mean intelligent people are considerate of the welfare of animals.

Researcher Dr Catharine Gale said there could be several explanations for the findings, including intelligent people being more likely to consider both animal welfare issues and the possible health benefits of a vegetarian diet.

Intelligent people are those who are considerate of animals and eat them as a source of protein and other necessary nutrients.

Duh.

What really ripens my peaches is this additional little annoyance:

Liz O'Neill, of the Vegetarian Society, said: 'We've always known that vegetarianism is an intelligent, compassionate choice benefiting animals, people and the environment. Now, we've got the scientific evidence to prove it.

And, I say "faulty" because the theories seem to be full of holes. As the reader, you're welcomed to point out the flaws here or read some in the comment section of that article to see what others are saying.

Let's hear more from the PERValicious mind rather than those botanical bores.

But, when it comes right down to it, they can shove their theories where the sun don't shine because I'd rather be dumb as a post and blissfully devouring meat than being a "smart" veggitard.

And, in other laughable news, VP PERV Diane's Stuff has an excellent article on some fool who wrote some anti-meatatarian book, claiming that meat eating is wrong and that apes deserve human status, or something bizarre like that.

Make sure you check out Diane's news to get in a good laugh and to comment on whether you believe Stephen Colbert deserves to become an honorary PERV or not.

PERVs love to pound their meat... then cook it up and eat it. Yum.

VIVA LA PERV!

Meeting Adjourned.

Thanks as always to VP PERV Diane's Stuff for the logo.

Previous PERV Posts

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Thanks to everyone who voted for me on the Canadian Blog awards and/or the Weblog awards.

It may be nice to win, but it's beyond awesome to know that your readers like you enough to nominate and vote for you, especially when it had to be on a daily basis.

That's a lot of effort on your part, and I appreciate it.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)