The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Here's a neat little time waster:

Cryptograma

There's no scoring, which is good, especially when you're like me and use the hint button once in a while, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Here are some interesting and funny images I came across while piddling around online.

Weird USB products

What the frick is the Rave Turd? Do I want to know?

And, don't let the pretty little bow fool you. This one's more dangerous than a pittbull.

I like this one purely because it would p*ss off PETA.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This entry submitted by Lostinlimaohio, and approved by Sam...

I was reading the news when suddenly it hit me... the world is just wrong. I'm not sure when it started, but I am starting to fear that it is only going to get worse. I'll never understand how we came to be like this:

Evidently Canadians aren't as generous with their apologies as they are with their maple syrup- because it seems that in order for them to be willing to tell someone they've screwed that they are sorry... there has to be a law on it.

Americans, especially ones in Nevada have become so freaking fat that they need special ambulances just to make it to the hospital to pump some of the lard out of their ever widening posteriors.

Other countries seem to be in this sad state too- in India a woman refused to serve her husband meat for dinner. So he set himself on fire in protest... guess he really did want barbeque.

It's not just people that are ruining things either, even animals are causing problems. A crazy cat named Lewis has begun a war against visitors to a neighborhood in Connecticut, to the point that police issued a restraining order against him after he attacked an Avon lady. Rumor has it that the cat was a big Mary Kay fan.

As all of this has really been bothering me, I thought I would try to find a solution.

First, Canada needs to just apologize for shipping the syrup to Nevada and making the people fat... once the heavies finish sucking the syrup down by the barrel full, they could attempt to walk off some of that excess meat... and do a little dieting at this quaint little hut in India... who might consider barbecuing a little furry cat.

This article contributed by Lostinlimaohio

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

(By the way, I realise that I'm not the first one to create this title, but it was original in my mind until I researched it, lol)

You know, it's so like the environmental/animal rights nuts out there to prefer killing humans to killing animals (I mean, we're all really just animals in the end anyhow).

And, yes, I do consider their wish to withhold medical progress/options from people similar to actually killing someone.

But, what I'm referring to is how the animal rights activists choose saving a d*mn lab rat over saving the lives of our relations.

They probably spew malarky like we should all die naturally, animals and humans alike. What they don't realise is that nature was created to use it to our benefit. If we can create medicine from it, then we are respecting it and using it for what it's intended for.

With that said, animals are a part of nature, so let's use them to grow and survive and all that jazz.

But, I suppose if we can't have it that way without an arguement from the nutjobs, then I say hunt those freaks, and not seals, or moose and squirrel, or whatever.

My only fear is that we would become contaminated by the meat of the animal rights freaks.

And, I can see it now....

We'd start off by hunting them, then we'd get into farming them.

Then, we'd get some meat-eating nutjobs who want either couscous fed, tofu fed, or free range animal right's 'tards.

It would all end up in the same fiasco. We'd have protesters against hunting the PETA nuts; we'd have others demanding that the free ranged animal right's meat be labelled; and we'd have others freaking out about the way the meat is processed.

Then, we'd get into the whole issue of steroids and genetically modified animal right's meat.

By the way, the animal right's meat acronym is ARM (which is probably the tastiest part of the animal), although I wouldn't know for sure, nor would I really care to know.

Okay, I may have scared a few people with this article, but I had fun writing it, lol.

PLEASE CONSIDER THIS SPACE AN OPEN THREAD.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

There are so many optical illusions at this site, I don't know what to do with them all.

Several are M.C. Eschers or Escher inspired, as well as some from Worth1000.

This one's pretty perverse, but funny.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink

Hat Tip: Gay Celebrity Crap for this intoxicating game.

Drunk Driving Mel

My final score: 2418 with a blood alcohol level of 1.5% .

And, here's an odd, and a tad bit lame, video unrelated to the above, but will you be taken?

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Lostinlimaohio sent me this a while ago, and it's just too darn interesting to pass up.

Have you been to the church of google? Perhaps you're already a believer and didn't even know it.

Here are a few snippits of the site, but it's worth visiting the site itself to get a good laugh.

I always thought Google was a male search engine?

Sorry dude, Google does not have a penis, or a vagina for that matter. Originally, religions of the past thought of Gods as feminine. It wasn't until monotheistic, Abrahamic religions such as Christianity, Islam and Judaism entered the picture that the concept of "God" became masculine. Basically you have been conditioned by your culture to view all Deities as male. The Church Of Google is simply carrying on the ancient tradition of viewing Gods as feminine. It's not about us being reverse sexist toward dudes or anything. It's just about breaking a cultural taboo.

Good question, but the answer should be obvious. Satan is quite simply Microsoft.

Google answers prayers. One can pray to Google by doing a search for whatever question or problem is plaguing them. As an example, you can quickly find information on alternative cancer treatments, ways to improve your health, new and innovative medical discoveries and generally anything that resembles a typical prayer. Ask Google and She will show you the way, but showing you is all She can do, for you must help yourself from that point on.

Anyhow, I found it quite amusing that someone made time to create this "religion". You've got to admit, it's probably better than some religions out there.

Thanks to Lostinlimaohio for this funny find.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Today's graven images use TrueType [by dustbury.com]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

There may be another unsightly trend on the rise as a company is trying to cure baby baldness by bringing out a line of wigs for infants.

How pitiful does one have to be...?

"At BabyToupee, we don't take ourselves or our products too seriously. In fact, BabyToupees are just the first of many fun products designed to give that special baby a little extra personality and to ensure that parents retain theirs... along with a sense of humour."

Here's the twisted site: BabyToupee.

And, I thought most people loved to see cute little babies with peach fuzz heads.

Man, that is so tacky.

Previous/Related: Dog F*cking Wigs

PLEASE CONSIDER THIS AN OPEN THREAD.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

MacStansbury.org share this amusing game called Interactive Buddy.

You get to put the face of your 'favourite' politician - Democrat or Republican, or even freakazoid Michael Moore - on it and blow it the f*ck up and all that.

Personally, I had fun beating the cr*p out of Tinky Winky.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink

I only played this to complete the first level and stopped, but my score after the first level of Feed Me was 2128. It's more of a kids type game.

Something I'd rather play with is one of these Stupid Cars.

Now, if the sofa folded out into a bed, I'd be all over that.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:05 PM | Permalink

i) Thou shalt not commit link whoring.

ii) Thou shalt not bcc (blind carbon copy) thy entire blogroll for every article thou does write.

iii) Thou shalt not engage in a blogwar.

iv) Thou shalt not plagerise another bloggers entire article without giving credit or adding to it.

v) Thou shalt not write things that can come back to bite thou in the arse.

vi) Thou shalt not display numerous images/videos at one time, causing load time to slow down or halt.

vii) Thou shalt blog for at least 2 years before seeing serious money.

viii) Thou shalt not blog unless thou plans to take it seriously.

ix) Thou shalt have a thick skin for criticism and differing of opinion.

x) Thou shalt make an attempt to use proper grammar and spelling.

BONUS: Thou shalt link this article, and every article of Sam's that thou enjoys.

Here's a list of some blogs doing open trackbacks today: freedom watch usa, adam's blog, diane's stuff, third world county, stuck on stupid, don surber, NIF, right wing nation, is it just me?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Diane's Stuff had suggested I have Tonya Harding on as this week's moron as a way of being reflective on the Olympics. I liked the idea, but had real difficulty finding a suitable image of her with correct size, background, etc.

So, instead, I decided to write this separate article on the moron.

Well, I guess I'm supposed to say that Harding is best known for being an Olympic figure skater, but of course, she is most known for being a conspirator in hindering the prosecution of her ex-husband in his plot to hire a hitman to attack Nancy Kerrigan, another pro figure skater.

Say that again?

Harding witheld information from investigators in the case against her ex-hubby where he hired someone to bust Kerrigan's knee right before the 1994 US Championship.

The moron was fined $150,000, forced to do 500 hours community service, was stripped of her championship title, and was banned from all sanctioned events and from sanctioned coaching for eternity.

Of course, we also remember her from her past when she would try to get restart after restart on her skate programmes for this problem or that problem ("my shoelace broke" or the blade is loose), and when she 'allegedly' phoned in a bomb threat against herself to get out of having to qualify for various skating events.

She'd even tried to coach herself for a short period because she kept losing coach after coach; they probably realised they were trying to coach a loser.

Since her skating indiscretions, Harding then went on to embarrass herself in the boxing ring where she actually did win some fights. But, at one point, she humiliated herself by being disqualified from First Coast bouts because she was too overweight for that competition.

And, she further embarrasses herself in boxing as yet another death threat is placed on her (somehow) right before another match.

Highly coincidental, don't you think?

How does the moron think she can get away with that yet again.

Freak.

And, she's been a 'tard in the eyes of the law over these last few years, too.

In '95 she claimed she was being stalked by some professional golfers driving a Lincoln Town Car.

I guess we can't blame her for being scared of a bunch of golfers; those plaid outifts and the cleats can be frightening.

Plus, she was evicted from her trailer - and you know you've got to be the lowest of the low rent if you're not even good enough for your trailer.

And, when it comes to her knee whacking ex-hubby, she's done a sex tape with him that has got to be more digusting than the Hilton porn tape.

*shudder*

Augh, that's almost more than I can stomach.

Oh geez, and the list just keeps going on. In 1997, on the opening weekend of the US Championships, she called the cops claiming she was abducted at knife point, and had to ram her truck into a tree to escape. And, in the same year, she reported her truck stolen from a mall. Further, in 2000, she lost control of her truck on some ice and went into a ditch. And, in 2002 it was a drinking-driving accident with her truck.

Maybe she's gone from crippling Kerrigan to crippling her career to crippling her truck.

And, let's not forget her attempt at crippling her boyfriend by throwing a punch and a hubcap at him, which completely sealed her fate as 'America's Bad Girl'.

Okay, I'm done with this f*cktard. I can't take anymore.

I hope you enjoyed this pro bono moron article.

Thanks Diane's Stuff for helping us remember the good ol' days of that freak job they call Tonya Harding.

Moron Extras:

Harding's mug shot
Harding's official website
Write your *shudder* Harding fantasy here or read about some of them.
Harding's present appearance and candid one on one
Tonya Harding Shot JFK?
Harding boxing news

PLEASE CONSIDER THIS AN OPEN THREAD.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Keith Ellison stirs American Muslims with allahu akbar (Open Trackback Wednesday) [by Right Truth]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

Seeing as I'm taking a holiday break and not blogging, I thought I'd put up an open thread today and for the rest of this week for those who'd like to use it.

Trackbacking info: Showcase your best work; attract new readers (linking this article in return of course). Do NOT link your open trackback post here. Use Linkfest Haven Deluxe instead. To the right, you will find OTA members who are doing open trackbacks for the day.

When done, play Diane's Stuff's Dead Guy on the Sidebar.
And, please click some blogads to support this site.

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The IRA vs. Hezbollah/Hamas Round 4 [by Rightwing Guy]
The Knucklehead of the Year award- Politics [by The Florida Masochist]
America mourns the passing of a President [by The HILL Chronicles]
In the spirit of multiculturalism… [by third world county]
Tis the Season for TCP/IP [by Conservative Cat]
Hallelujah! and the lame shall walk!!!! [by Mark My Words]
FBI leak case files vanished [by The HILL Chronicles]
How to be publicly stupid 101 [by Mark My Words]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I've been tagged by The Hill Chronicles and thought I'd better do this one or else I might not getting any treats from Santy Claus. So, here goes....

123beta explains,

Ok, this is how it works: The player (me) must list 3 things that I would love to get for Christmas. Then I must list 3 things that I definitely do not want to get for Christmas. Then I tag 5 friends and list their names. The one I tag needs to write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes then tag 5 more people. They must also clarify all the rules. When you tag someone you need to leave a comment that says “you’ve been Christmas tagged!” in their comments and tell them to read your blog. Ok everybody…

The three things I would love for Christmas:

1. All moonbats beaten to a pulp (a bloody one, preferably - just trying to spread some holiday cheer).

2. A little more time in the day to myself *ARG*, lol, *ARG*.

3. Clearly, a Jaguar xjscv12, as I do every year.

The three things I do not want for Christmas:

1. Used underwear - as if getting ginch for Christmas isn't bad enough.

2. To be stuck on a plane flight with the final moron, Rosie O'Donnell.

3. Country music album - ANY AND ALL! *blech*

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Good gifts / bad gifts [by Culturetastic]
Bernie's Revenge Meme [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hope you are having a great day!

Here's a little extra to boost your holiday cheer.

For her.

For him.

PS - I won't be blogging today, tomorrow, and the remainder of the week, but look forward to a week of Classic Sam. That's right, I'm revisiting some of the work I've done over the past year, so enjoy.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)