The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: An Olympic Moron Revisited

Diane's Stuff had suggested I have Tonya Harding on as this week's moron as a way of being reflective on the Olympics. I liked the idea, but had real difficulty finding a suitable image of her with correct size, background, etc.

So, instead, I decided to write this separate article on the moron.

Well, I guess I'm supposed to say that Harding is best known for being an Olympic figure skater, but of course, she is most known for being a conspirator in hindering the prosecution of her ex-husband in his plot to hire a hitman to attack Nancy Kerrigan, another pro figure skater.

Say that again?

Harding witheld information from investigators in the case against her ex-hubby where he hired someone to bust Kerrigan's knee right before the 1994 US Championship.

The moron was fined $150,000, forced to do 500 hours community service, was stripped of her championship title, and was banned from all sanctioned events and from sanctioned coaching for eternity.

Of course, we also remember her from her past when she would try to get restart after restart on her skate programmes for this problem or that problem ("my shoelace broke" or the blade is loose), and when she 'allegedly' phoned in a bomb threat against herself to get out of having to qualify for various skating events.

She'd even tried to coach herself for a short period because she kept losing coach after coach; they probably realised they were trying to coach a loser.

Since her skating indiscretions, Harding then went on to embarrass herself in the boxing ring where she actually did win some fights. But, at one point, she humiliated herself by being disqualified from First Coast bouts because she was too overweight for that competition.

And, she further embarrasses herself in boxing as yet another death threat is placed on her (somehow) right before another match.

Highly coincidental, don't you think?

How does the moron think she can get away with that yet again.

Freak.

And, she's been a 'tard in the eyes of the law over these last few years, too.

In '95 she claimed she was being stalked by some professional golfers driving a Lincoln Town Car.

I guess we can't blame her for being scared of a bunch of golfers; those plaid outifts and the cleats can be frightening.

Plus, she was evicted from her trailer - and you know you've got to be the lowest of the low rent if you're not even good enough for your trailer.

And, when it comes to her knee whacking ex-hubby, she's done a sex tape with him that has got to be more digusting than the Hilton porn tape.

*shudder*

Augh, that's almost more than I can stomach.

Oh geez, and the list just keeps going on. In 1997, on the opening weekend of the US Championships, she called the cops claiming she was abducted at knife point, and had to ram her truck into a tree to escape. And, in the same year, she reported her truck stolen from a mall. Further, in 2000, she lost control of her truck on some ice and went into a ditch. And, in 2002 it was a drinking-driving accident with her truck.

Maybe she's gone from crippling Kerrigan to crippling her career to crippling her truck.

And, let's not forget her attempt at crippling her boyfriend by throwing a punch and a hubcap at him, which completely sealed her fate as 'America's Bad Girl'.

Okay, I'm done with this f*cktard. I can't take anymore.

I hope you enjoyed this pro bono moron article.

Thanks Diane's Stuff for helping us remember the good ol' days of that freak job they call Tonya Harding.

Moron Extras:

Harding's mug shot
Harding's official website
Write your *shudder* Harding fantasy here or read about some of them.
Harding's present appearance and candid one on one
Tonya Harding Shot JFK?
Harding boxing news

PLEASE CONSIDER THIS AN OPEN THREAD.