The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

This entry submitted by Lostinlimaohio, and approved by Sam...

I was reading the news when suddenly it hit me... the world is just wrong. I'm not sure when it started, but I am starting to fear that it is only going to get worse. I'll never understand how we came to be like this:

Evidently Canadians aren't as generous with their apologies as they are with their maple syrup- because it seems that in order for them to be willing to tell someone they've screwed that they are sorry... there has to be a law on it.

Americans, especially ones in Nevada have become so freaking fat that they need special ambulances just to make it to the hospital to pump some of the lard out of their ever widening posteriors.

Other countries seem to be in this sad state too- in India a woman refused to serve her husband meat for dinner. So he set himself on fire in protest... guess he really did want barbeque.

It's not just people that are ruining things either, even animals are causing problems. A crazy cat named Lewis has begun a war against visitors to a neighborhood in Connecticut, to the point that police issued a restraining order against him after he attacked an Avon lady. Rumor has it that the cat was a big Mary Kay fan.

As all of this has really been bothering me, I thought I would try to find a solution.

First, Canada needs to just apologize for shipping the syrup to Nevada and making the people fat... once the heavies finish sucking the syrup down by the barrel full, they could attempt to walk off some of that excess meat... and do a little dieting at this quaint little hut in India... who might consider barbecuing a little furry cat.

This article contributed by Lostinlimaohio