The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Thanks goes to RightCelebrity for sending in another great article by Risemoon.

This video has been around a while but we haven’t shown it yet. The reason its been in the top 20 for 4 months is obvious to us. Remember those college days? You had the booze. You played the quarters. Maybe you lost. You losers did the drugs. And a few of you liars had a hot girlfriend, you know, like once. But did you ever play quarters on top of your sexy hot girlfriend this way?

Sex, drugs, rock n roll ….. and quarters…

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

This article contributed by McCain of RightPundits.

“The noblest prospect which a Scotchman ever sees, is the high road that leads him to England!”
– Boswell: The Life and Times of Samuel Johnson

Once proud and glorious Great Britain, who dominated the world with outposts on all continents may lose one in her own backyard. Scotland, yes that’s right, tiny unassuming, peaceful, mysterious, primitive, sheep-smelling Scotland is rising up in rebeliion.

The rebels aren’t actually taking up arms yet, and they haven’t thrown any tea parties, but rather the Scotchmen are following the stoic democratic notion that the pen is mightier than the sword. They plan to cast away the British yoke of slavery in parliament and at the ballot box.

For those of you who have never heard of “Scotland”, we’ve done a little research on this topic. In the rare map above, you will find the Scottish wilderness in purple just above industrialized England and across the Irish sea from familiar Northern Ireland.

Typical Scottish Villager with Family

We’ve also done sociological research on the peoples of Scotland. They have had one important resident in their history, the writer Boswell, but he lived a long long time ago and left soon for England. A typical modern-day Scotchman lives in village tribal clans as depicted above. They have a fascination for music and normally dress conservatively in plaid.

Prime Minister
Tony Blair has warned against any bid to break Britain apart, saying it would be “a crazy” step 300 years after Scotland and England united.

Blair’s warning Tuesday came as the Scottish National Party (SNP) used the anniversary of their union to launch a fresh drive for independence, while some opinion polls suggested a majority of Scots and English want to separate.

Speaking at his monthly press conference, Blair said Britons should celebrate “with pride” Tuesday’s tercentenary of the merger of the Scottish and English parliaments.

“In commerce, in trade, in security and above all in shared values, the union of England and Scotland continues to be good for England, good for Scotland and right for the future of Britain,” Blair said.

It would be “crazy for Scotland to be wrenched out of the United Kingdom” of Britain and Northern Ireland, he added, noting that 2.5 million Scots live in England, half Scotland’s total. England’s population is some 50 million.

“Separation is a retreat into an old-fashioned view of the world that would be bizarre in the 21st century,” Blair warned. “It would be an incredibly regressive and reactionary step to break it apart now.”
Source

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Posted by Samantha at 12:13 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

I heard this story on the radio this morning and just about wet myself laughing. Rest assured, I did catch myself in ample time to prevent an embarassing miscue, basically because I remembered that the car was not the best place to relieve myself (at least not on my way to work).

Police: Boys escape detention, take train on joy ride
Associated Press
NELSONVILLE, Ohio - Two boys are back in detention today after an early morning joy ride in a stolen train.

(APCredit: Alissa Griffith, WOUB, Athens)

The next part is what really got me giggling.

The radio report to which I was listening also added a tasty little nugget of information that was not included in the above article, and that's unfortunate. I personally feel that it was rather pertinent. The reason the two boys only made it 11 miles? Evidently, according to WOWO radio out of Fort Wayne, IN, the boys stopped the locomotive to get some snacks.

The folly of youth never ceases to amuse...err, amaze me.

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Posted by Andrew Kaduk at 07:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Ya, you read that correct.

Warning: the following link contains adult content. Viewer discretion is advised.

It looks like you, or someone you know, could be the next BIG thing.

An online adult shopping centre, LoveHoney, is hosting a casting call for all male exhibitionists, or any men who are proud of their "package".

If you make the "cut", you may be the next "member" to show your "cock" (oh wait, that last word didn't need an emphasis) to the online world.

They won't say what this is all about, but they do let you know that it has nothing to do with actual stunt cocks ("A 'stunt cock' is also the guy who supplies surplus semen during the making of a porn movie.").

Intriguing, isn't it?

Here's what you'll need:

An erect penis (for no longer than two minutes)
A small amount of dexterity
The ability to follow written instructions
A digital camera
An assistant (though you could do it on your own)
A cloth to clean up afterwards

Yup, get out your "mayonnaise pistol" or your "six shooter", or even your "super soaker", and begin dancing around the "maypole" because you might be the next "real deal".

Or, if you have that special musical talent, whip out your "trombone", "tuba" or "trouser flute", and play us all a neat little tune.

I just hope you're not the one to get the "shaft".

K, I'm done.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (9)

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Posted by Samantha at 09:58 PM | Permalink

Here is some more great news that headed my way care of the extraordinary, Jim.

A more conventional fetishist, Masashi Kamata, 28, was arrested in Nagoya, Japan, in October after police found about 5,000 pairs of used girls' and boys' shoes at a rented warehouse. "I was enjoying their smell," he said, according to Mainichi Daily News. [Mainichi Daily News, 11-1-06]

F*cking nutball.

Is there a contest going on encouraging people to be the world's biggest 'tard, or something?

In yet another case of a person practicing what is allegedly acceptable in another country but illegal in the United States, a 28-year-old woman from Cambodia was arrested in Las Vegas, Nev., in October for kissing her 6-year-old son's penis, which she said was simply an expression of motherly love. An official in California's Cambodian Association of America confirmed the custom to the Las Vegas Review-Journal but said it never extends past age 2. [Las Vegas Review-Journal, 10-14-06]

*shudder*

The Christian Retail Show in Denver in August demonstrated, said a Los Angeles Times report, nearly a parallel commercial universe, with hundreds of "Christian" versions of products and services, such as sweatbands, pajamas, dolls, health clubs, insurance agencies, tree trimmers and fragrances ("Virtuous Woman" perfume). One Retail Show visitor, though, was dismayed at the efforts to just "slap Jesus on (merchandise)." (Among the tougher sells would appear to be Book22.com, a Christian sex-toy Web site that sells condoms, vibrators and lubricants to married couples, but stocks no pornography or toys that encourage multiple-partner scenes.) [Los Angeles Times, 8-5-06; Toronto Star, 7-8-06]

Well, that's definitely a losing battle. Who in their right mind would go for porn and toys that encourage monogamy rather than fantasy.

Yuck! Blech! Couple sex. How disgusting!

Give me a good ol' three way, any day. Lol.

British performance artist Ian Thorley, working on grants from several local councils, did a week's stint on an Ashington street in October, stepping onto and off of a doormat while wearing a badge identifying him as a government doormat tester. [BBC News, 10-11-06]

Wooo... doormat tester. That's just genius artistry. Boy, I wish I could buy that and display at my house. What a masterpiece!

In case you didn't realise, I'm being sarcastic.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)