The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

Thanks once more goes to Jim for sending these news bit in.

A Connecticut company (454 Life Sciences) and Germany's Max Planck Institute have made recent breakthroughs in developing the genome of a Neanderthal man, which shows a 99 percent-plus similarity with that of humans, according to a July New York Times report. If they succeed, it might be possible to bring the species back to life by implanting the genes into a human egg (provided, of course, that some woman volunteers to bear a Neanderthal baby). [Austin American-Statesman-New York Times, 7-21-06]

I nominate that b*tch that cut me off today - PULLED RIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF ME WITHOUT LOOKING - and didn't even realise I almost slammed into her sorry a$$.

B*tch deserves a neaderthal child, but I'm sure even that kid would be more intelligent than her.

"I've always had the desire to play (the cello) naked," said Ms. Jesse Hale, a music major at Austin Peay State University (Clarksville, Tenn.) and member of the CJ Boyd Sexxxtet of nude cellists who play their experimental, chant-like songs in concert around the country. Hale, who says she's been playing naked since sixth grade, explained to Austin Peay's newspaper in September that cellists "make full body contact with
(their) instrument," and their legs even "wrap" around it so that "(i)t just feels natural." [The All State, 9-6-06]

Ummm... ya.

And, I like to sit on the drums while playing them naked just to feel the vibration.

I just wonder if they've ever gotten their pubes caught in the strings.

Ouch!

The magazine Time Out New York reported in September on the "artistic palettes" of the Sprinkle Brigade of artists who dress up dog droppings on New York City streets with glittering candy bits and colorful toothpicks, for "urban beautification." [Time Out New York, 9-21-06]

Oh seriously, that's just so much better than getting a d*mn bag and picking up the sh*t!

What do they call themselves, the Pretty Poo Patrol? Or, maybe the Stylish Sh*t Squad? How 'bout the Classy Cr*p Convoy?

F*cking morons.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

This article contributed by The Cubicle Reverend

Pretty soon President Bush is going to be committing 20,000 for the war in Iraq. This announcement has made no one happy. Not the D's or the R's because depending on who you ask:

The peace nicks who believe we are living in the most oppressive regime in history cry out how we are committing atrocities against mankind and we must cut and run.

And the hawkish rogues who believe the president is the second coming say twenty thousand is enough for we must go onward and upward to fight for the cause.

Politicians, pundits, and preachers voices are being heard loud and clear. Yelling at each other like a group of children at a pizza joint trying to agree on what topping to have. Google Ward Churchill, Pat Robertson, Bill Maher, Rush Limbaugh or any other big time politico and sure you'll find verbal gas passing to stink up a room. And the irony is many of them are making these observations from the comfort of their homes. For whatever reasons the soldiers and Iraqis who are actually there are rarely heard from.

Over the past few months I've been meeting a lot of soldiers who've had varying lengths of tour of duty over in Iraq from a variety of ages and backgrounds. Whenever I asked about their experience they usually tell me the same thing:

“In spite of what you see on the news things aren't as bad as they make it seem. Is there violence, yes. Not nearly as much as others would like to have you believe. I just wish people would realize we have a job to do and we do not want to be pulled out until we are done.” I do not know if the Iraqis feel the same way or not. Has anyone ever bothered to ask them?

Hearing what the soldiers tell me how they feel made me less assured on my stance on the war. Having all these voices telling me what I should believe only makes me swing emotionally from one extreme to the other. I am starting to be more inclined to take the advice of the Florida Rep. in the video below. Caution, Belzer's language does tend to get a tad saucy.

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Posted by The Cubicle Reverend at 02:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

We can all thank MacBro's Place for sending in this YouTube find.

I thought the last guy I wrote about doing celebrity impressions was bad, but this is one of the newest dweebs to hit the web.

Was there any impression in that mix that was semi-decent? I mean, sure, anyone can do Christopher Walken.

Whoopty-doo.

But, now it seems the latest thrill is doing impressions of Borat (Sacha Baron Cohen). As if everyone and their dog won't be able to copy that, too, eh.

But, he does do an uncanny Roseanne Barr and Sandra Bernhard, doesn't he?

Ya, thanks again MacBro's Place, lol.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

This article contributed by McCain of RightPundits.

“Man is the Measure of all Things” – Protagoras Made in India

Looks like the men in India aren’t sporting tomahawks. Vienna Sausage is more like it. No wonder the Indians were dominated by the British empire for hundreds of years. Indian men have no cojones. Full monty details are in this tiny link.

A survey of more than 1,000 men in India has concluded that condoms made according to international sizes are too large for a majority of Indian men.

I’m guessing that Indian men in America understand this already from selling so many rubbers at 7-11.

The study found that more than half of the men measured had penises that were shorter than international standards for condoms.

International standards? No way am I Googling that one ’cause you just never know. And it’s what you do with it, right? Right McCain.

It has led to a call for condoms of mixed sizes to be made more widely available in India.

Makes me wonder what dwarfs do. Just thinking out loud.

The two-year study was carried out by the Indian Council of Medical Research.

Probably by a group of women researchers laughing their asses off. Anyone remember Seinfeld’s “Shrinkage” episode?

Over 1,200 volunteers from the length and breadth of the country had their penises measured precisely, down to the last millimetre.

Anything for a buck in India I guess. And ya know, if they volunteered for it, that makes them the biggest to be found. So no doubt this survey is skewed stiffly upward.

The scientists even checked their sample was representative of India as a whole in terms of class, religion and urban and rural dwellers.

They took samples? And I thought scalping was bad.

It’s not size, it’s what you do with it that matters

We’ve covered this little boner already. My best friend told his wife the same thing.

The conclusion of all this scientific endeavour is that about 60% of Indian men have penises which are between three and five centimetres shorter than international standards used in condom manufacture.

The elongated version of the story is straight up here.

Please note that this is a continuation of an educational series on primitive cultures. This piece follows our expose titled What is “Scotland”?

Article by McCain of RightPundits.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)