The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Thanks goes to Jim for these news bits.

At least 30 Texas death-row inmates have pages on dating Web sites, according to a November Associated Press report, and the murderers usually describe themselves in cuddly terms. Wrote convicted cop-killer Randy Halprin, "I think I'm a pretty funny guy. I have a wacked (sic) sense of humor. I can be a big kid at heart. I'm a hopeless (and I mean hopeless) romatic (sic)." [Amarillo Globe News-AP, 11-11-06]

Go ahead ladies, cuddle a cop killer today! Sounds like their bear hugs could squeeze the life right outta ya.

I find it kinda funny that Halprin misspelled the word "wacky" and wrote "wacked". How fitting.

However, also in November, Calvin Bennett, 26, a suspect in two Arkansas murders, was traced by police to Rothschild, Wis., by the personal ad he had placed on a dating Web site, describing himself as shy and giving his ideal evening as "a nice romantic dinner with soft music, followed by a romantic walk or a carriage ride." [Minneapolis Star Tribune-AP, 11-20-06]

He left out the most romantic part about taking you home to a lovely trail of blood strewn on the floor, leading you into his bedroom where he's lighted some of your favourite scented candles and has decapitated his third known victim... and guess who's lucky #4.

Marshall Byers, 28, was arrested in Everett, Wash., in December, and charged with the attempted murder of his estranged wife's boyfriend (who was treated for five knife wounds). According to prosecutors, Byers was surprised at the "attempted" charge. Allegedly, he told a detective, "What? I thought I stuck him like a pig. What do you mean, he's alive?" [Seattle Post-Intelligencer-AP, 12-22-06]

I say give him a murder charge and drop the attempted - he didn't want it anyhow, so give the man what he wants.

Also Should Have Kept His Mouth Shut: Jeremy Lyons, 20, was arrested in Hanover Township, Pa., in October for an alleged vandalism spree, bashing car windows with a baseball bat. A local TV station had carried a story of the arrest of another person, and Lyons for some reason called the station and, laughing, told them they had the wrong man. He was arrested when the call was traced. [WNEP-TV (Moosic, Pa.), 10-24-06]

Well, I guess if there has to be criminals in this world, let's hope they're all dumb ones like these.