The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 AM | Permalink

Aw, they're so lovely and furry and snuggly and something-y.

Blech!

This is how much I love them....

The cow: IT tastes great on a bun with ketchup and even great grilled and served with peppercorn sauce.

The fish: it is great feeling the tug of IT, WHICH is on my hook as I reel IT into my boat. And, it is also wonderful gutting, cleaning, and frying IT up.

The (fill-in-the-blank): ah, h*ll... they're all good.

No, I haven't lost it. I'm just poking a little fun at PETA after they sent a complaint letter, telling journalists to stop referring to animals as "it" and "which".

Apparently, they would prefer to be called "he", "she", and "who" ('cause animals are just so astute, eh).

PETA dispatched a letter to Norm Goldstein, editor of The Associated Press Stylebook, suggesting that it is time to revise the book’s language guidelines—which currently characterize animals as inanimate objects—and bring the references in line with 21st century attitudes.

Morons.

They're dinner. Plain and simple. Dinner.

Check out Malkin's article for more, and if you love eating chicken or just plain old hate PETA and all those wackos, head on over to the KFC Cruelty site and poke a little fun at PETA with the sign generator.

Here's mine:

To learn more about PERV, here are the previous PERV posts.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:14 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

That's my way of saying "bite me" to all those eco-freaks out there.

Of course, this is primarily in response to Sheryl Crow's toilet paper limitation idea. If you hadn't already heard, singer Sheryl Crow apparently believes people can wipe their a$$e$ with only one frickin' square sheet of toilet paper.

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Not to mention there'd be an over-consumption of water as washing machines will be working overtime to clean all that dirty underwear on a daily basis.

I don't quite understand the dimwitted ideologies of those fruitcakes. I mean, let's travel around in "three tractor trailers, four buses, and six cars" and tout the "boo-hoo's" of global warming.

Ya, global warming is real, you f*cknuts, it's called the natural cycle of this solar system. It's the natural warming of this globe due to a cyclical solar pattern, NOT due to human err.

But, those are big words for you eco-screwjobs out there, so I don't expect you to get it.

More on the square one here.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink

Thanks goes to Right Celebrity who has sent in another hilarious piece written by Risemoon.

Here is a hot babe giving an instructive video on how to shower. She does it very well. There is a guy in this shower too for some reason, also demonstrating proper showering technique for his sex. Men are such pigs. Hilarious!

At this point, you may be wondering about the history of the shower. I anticipated your knowledge deficiency and found the world’s foremost authority on shower history. You can gain such exciting knowledge as:

“Plumbers joined the game in the early 1800s. As plumbing moved indoors and became more common among the privileged homeowners, alternatives to the bath emerged.” And don’t miss that fact that “shower” in German is ‘douche’.

Your study continues here.

Article contributed by Right Celebrity.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)