The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

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HAPPY CANUCK'S DAY!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Here are some of the search engine hits I've been getting recently.

introducing the book
fecal fun
whore
all about burns
disgusting food
brooms factorys
medicinal marajuana
can you eat crocs shoes
dolly parton jiggly videos
mcdonalds frenchfry burns
dogs intercourse
samantha pumpkins
horny and happy
the best burns ever

My favourites: fecal fun, all about burns (what do you want to know about me?), disgusting food (one word: strawberries *blech*), can you eat crocs shoes (let me guess, this is going to be some kinda new freak trend of the future, screwballs), and of course, gotta love it when they hit my site looking for a "whore".

Of course, my absolute favourite would have to be "the best burns ever" - that I am!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Make mine with pepperoni, bacon, and pineapples.

It seems a brewer in Chicago has created a special new drink, pizza beer.

Yes, pizza-flavoured beer.

His pizza beer started as a brewing experiment. He added tomatoes, oregano, garlic and basil to one batch and called the result Mamma Mia Pizza Beer.

Man, hockey season would be a blast with all that, eh.

The only problem is that those beer guts will definitely be getting bigger if this becomes mainstream, that's for sure.

Oh well, bring it on! I'll just work out harder in the off-season, lol.

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Monday [by Conservative Cat]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (10)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

You know you've encountered a thrill of a lifetime when you head out on a safari that get's you in touch with the local wildlife.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

At least, that's what these dudes look like to me.

Nice hair, people!

I'm liking balding mullet man. Lol.

Which is your favourite?

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Posted by Samantha at 12:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

... and what it means to me.

That is, aside from providing me with a little more safety and security while flying.

In case you haven't heard, Canada just came out with a new 'No Fly' list of names as an anti-terrorism strategy.

CSIS and the RCMP have compiled the Canadian list, which is designed to keep terror suspects off commercial flights in this country.

I mean, just look at the checklist of criteria for whom cannot fly:

1. A person who is or has been involved in a terrorist group,

2. A person who has been convicted of life-threatening crimes against aviation

3. A person who has been convicted of one or more serious offences who may attack an air carrier

Clearly, I'm not too concerned about my name being on the list, and I think the wackjobs who are freaking out about this new list are over-exaggerating (what's new)... or are possibly guilty.

Heck, it's much better than any pre-9/11 plan we've had - which is NONE!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

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Posted by Samantha at 02:22 AM | Permalink

Oh, I'm not getting totally sick and tired of the name Paris, are you?

Yet another reason to dislike France, eh, coming up with a name like that.

Blech!

Let's begin, if we must. It seems that after going in and out of prison this past little while, poor Paris Hilton has become scared to take a dookie on the dumper.

Paris Hilton is so petrified of being photographed on the toilet in jail she is refusing to eat or drink.

But, rest assured, that chicklet will never be anyone's b*tch, despite her frail appearance. I don't know about you, but she just strikes me as the type to be the aggressor while behind bars - the one to do the b*tchslapping and clawing, not the one receiving. And, with her system all backed up from refusing to sit on the royal throne, I'm sure she's ripe with irritation and frustration (if not constipation) enough to slap the bajebus out of anyone in her way.

Oh ya, and let's not forget the anger she must be feeling towards her talent agency since it dropped her recently.

Sounds like another person we know who got the boot for being a useless role model.

And, I'm sure that right about now, Paris has a bit of resentment towards her friend, Nicole Richie. I mean, at least Nicole could squeeze herself through those prison bars to make her escape.

Fat ol' Paris could never do that!

Anyhow, by now, I'm sure you realise that I'm being facetious about this whole fiasco. I have to be, because In my opinion, this whole story is just a ruse. All of a sudden, this publicly known weird and wild celebrity moron is making changes in her life for the better? As a result of her vacation in prison?

I don't think so.

I wouldn't doubt for a second that it was set up from the get-go - drinking, car crashes, drunk driving, smashy smashy. I'm thinking Hilton may be tired of her wild and crazy party lifestyle persona and the only way she could think to change it (with the aid of family and agents, of course, because we all know Paris can't think on her own) without having the public forget about her completely, was to have an epiphany in prison.

How blasé.

Couldn't they have come up with something more unique? It's like a tv movie of the week, or something.

*yawn*

Anyhow, I'm done with this, but here's the spoof video for you if you haven't already seen it.

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Posted by Samantha at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

I'm going to try my hardest today to get something up here for you.

Going to get some rest, then I'll do my best to write something half-decent.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:31 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

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Posted by Samantha at 02:37 AM | Permalink

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)