The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

I read one of those "no sh*t" articles recently about bad eating habits, and I thought I'd make one of my own.

The original article mentioned 7 eating styles that make people overweight, but my 7 are going to be 7 "no kidding they're bad for you" foods and why they're bad.

In no particular order:

1. Supersized fat food, I mean fast food: there's nothing like overindulging in week old, soaking in grease, giganta-fries and burgers to get that heart thumping. Sure you thought the pounding of the heart was your love for those greaseball burgers (thanks Denis Leary for that one), but instead, it's the last thump you'll ever hear as you gasp your last breath of life.

2. Chocolate Bars - diabetes? Bah, who cares. I don't need my health anyhow as long as I have those sweet, sweet bars. And, to really get the shakes, don't bother going for one or two, heck eat a box full.

3. Butter - I'm not talking a little butter on your bread, I'm talking a big, honkin' slab of the slimy stuff - BY ITSELF. There's nothing yummier than clamping down on that huge chunk of butter in the morning and letting it slide bulbously down your throat. You know you want it, but to have it would be like begging for a clogged artery, not to mention getting the scoots.

4. Motor Oil - another nasty habit of yours? It smells good, it tastes good, but is it good for you? My answer: no.

5. Broccoli - yes, they keep telling us that broccoli is good for us, but is it really? First off, as a PERV, I've got to completely stand up against the eating of these vegetables (and all veggies). Second of all, how can anything that bad possibly be good for you? So far, I'm not convinced of the scientific research on this topic.

6. They also say that nuts are good for you in moderation, but I say you've got to be nuts to eat nuts.

7. Battered foods - stop food abuse - nobody and nothing deserves to be battered. We need to create a home for battered fish sticks, cheese sticks, and the like. Oh ya, and the grease isn't good for you, either.

So, there you have it. The 7 "no kidding, eh" bad for you foods.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Fact: Until the year 1920, Canada was planning on invading the United States.

Little do they know, the invasion strategies continue ;-D

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Posted by Samantha at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Here's a pleasant little fartoid for you. Check out the link.

How much you wanna bet that men actually produce more than women?

And, speaking of butt blasts, you can check out the Bin Laden blast

When it comes to everything you didn't want to know about passing gas, head on over to read the fart facts.

Yes, when it comes to anal research, I probe deep.

Ew.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Here are some random (un)amusing facts about toilets for you.

In a survey conducted in 2000 by Kimberly-Clark, it was found that men prefer to fold their toilet paper, and women like to wad it.

From a female's perspective, it is. Is it true for the other end of matters?

Most toilets flush in E flat.

But, I'm sure some of the arses that have sat on the thing have played more tunes.

Joseph Gayetty is credited for inventing toilet paper in 1857. Unfortunately, his invention failed and did not catch on until ten years later.

Three years of a person's life is spent on the toilet.

pffffffhhhtttttttt

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

As a result of the ever-growing Internet, Yahoo is catering to Canadians by announcing it has created a Canadianised web portal/search engine to replace www.yahoo.ca. I have listed some of the new and unique features below.

When searching at the new Canadian web portal, the first 3 links returned from any search will always yield links to beer companies. Priority goes to Canadian breweries as Canadians require the good/strong stuff rather than pale ale.

Further, any links containing the words "Celine" and "Dion" will be permanently removed from their database.

There will also be a translation page included in the Yahoo portal which will translate any website from English to Canadian. For example, words such as couch/sofa will be changed to chesterfield, whole milk or Homogenized milk will be changed to Homo milk, theater will be theatre, color-colour, check-cheque, and all "ize" endings of words will be changed to "ise".

In agreement with regulations on Canadian content promotion, all Yahoo images will be interspersed with photos of Wayne Gretzky.

Yahoo is also assuring the public that searching for the word beaver will result in "friendly Canadian water mammal" hits instead of pornography.

Although things seem to be going well for the new search engine, they are undergoing reconstruction to remove the glitches listed below.

Unsubstantiated controversy has been circulating that the Maple Syrup Mafia is using the site to launder the money of their obscene maple syrup profits. The Yahoo portal is presently attempting to cease the MSM abuse and misuse of power.

Unfortunately there will be no Quebec French (Quebecoise) translations. When asked to comment, one yahoo executive stated,

"Quebec Bill 101 requires that the French font size be at least two times the size of the English font, and we are unwilling to compromise the asthetics of yahoo's image. As such, we will not be offering Yahoo Quebecoise translations".

As an attempt to ameliorate the problems they are facing, the new Yahoo portal has included a few more new Canadian features:

Yahoo Messenger will now have a specialised version in second quarter of 2006, which will include emoticons featuring unique Canadianisms such as "Take off, eh", "How's it going, eh?", and "Hey Hoser".

Yahoo Canada Finance will chart the steady devaluation of the Canadian dollar against the ever-increasing taxes and cost of living.

When asked to comment on the Yahoo announcement, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin stated: "I did not have sexual relations with anyone involved in the sponsorship scandal". Martin was later informed that he had commented on the wrong topic.

And finally, Yahoo Weather will change its forecasting to include the only necessary three levels of weather watch warnings: "it's cold, eh", "time to plug in the car's block heater", and "our seniors are moving to Florida".

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Posted by Samantha at 12:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I hope if you're in Hawaii, you're getting laid, I mean lei'd, because today is Lei Day.

It's also May Day, aka International Workers' Day where you may see people dancing around large wooden poles (Maypoles).

So, I guess that means that all over the world people are gettin' wood and gettin' lei'd.

What a special, special day.

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Posted by Samantha at 11:40 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I asked people some time ago to send me zany questions so that I could answer them.

Here are my responses:

The Waterglass once asked, "What is the sound of one lap snorkeling?"

My answer: *shlluck* *shmuck*. Lol, you asked.

John P. Hoke's Asylum asked, "Why are manhole covers circles? Why do women wear one bra and a pair of panties (well... some women LOL)? What would you be doing if not answering these silly questions?"

My answers: Manholes are circle because that's how men like their holes. Just imagine what they'd look like if they were called womenhole covers.

As to the panties question, my response, paa-aa-anties? What are paa-aa-nties?

Finally, to what I'd be doing otherwise, I would get a mindless minimum wage burger flipping job during the hours that the kids are in school. Or, I'd paint.

I don't know, I think I'll stick to blogging.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I found this at some news thing similar to National Enquirer, so take it for what it is, but it was too good for me to pass up.

It has been reported that you can now find out if your favourite little pet-y-poo is mentally challenged or not. Just turn to an animal psychologist to find out, or heed these tips.

If you have a dog, watch out for this sign: when asked to bring the leash, your dog will instead

"yank an extension cord out of the wall socket with its teeth, getting shocked."

I guess if you have this kind of dog for a pet, you can call it dumb dog and really mean it.

For a pet bird, be observant for mental retardation if it

"can't tell the difference between its offspring and that of other species. So it's not unusual to see one of them dropping a fat, juicy worm into a human baby's mouth -- and then trying to teach it to fly."

And, the third on their list is the fish. Ya, I bet you never thought they could be retarded, but they are, especially if it ignores the sprinkled food you give it and instead goes to the bottom of the tank and eats the gravel.

Fish. What do they know, anyhow? They swim around and around in a bowl all day not knowing any better. Besides, they look better on my plate, soaking in some lemon juice and dipped in tartar sauce.

Anyhow, I thought of my own set of family pets that could be retarded if you notice these traits.

A cat - your pet cat may be retarded if when you throw it off the couch, it doesn't land on all fours.

(come get me PETA, I'm encouraging animal abuse, lol. Whooo... throwing it off a couch, whoa no.)

A turtle - your turtle's considered retarded if it actually runs fast. You know the old tortoise and hare story; well, a fast running turtle means it has a chemical imbalance.

This means that if it's slow, it's normal, but if it's fast, it's slow.

And, of course, the hamster - if it's running backwards on the spinning wheel, you've got a problem.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Dianes Stuff shared these with us in one of my comment sections that I felt deserved to be brought out front for you all.

Enjoy these "Ancient Chinese Proverbs"

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Thanks Dianes Stuff. These were hilarious.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:34 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Of course, it's Chinese New Year today!

Yippy, I'm going downtown Vancouver to celebrate the day.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

It is noted that president George W. Bush is cousins with Playboy founder, Hugh Hefner.

Yet another reason to love your president.

Actually, with the seeming horniness of the last US president, you'd think Clinton and Hefner were related. Bet he'd love that. The White House would be moving onto the Playboy estate.

UPDATE: Somewhere here is a joke about Hef and his relations with bush (if you know what I mean).

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Yay, it's Robbie Burns night. Today would be popular Scottish poet, Robert Burns' birthday.

Burns was believed to be a lady's man, and with a name like that, I don't doubt it for a second.

No relation... or is there?

Here's a poem suiting of the night: To a Haggis (1786).

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Posted by Samantha at 11:01 AM | Permalink

I have decided to run as the next leader of Canada.

Yes, although the Conservatives just got into office the other day, and the Liberals just got the boot, and although it's not even plausible for me to gather a party together and get into office in the next term considering I have no experience and really, no desire to be a politician, I think it is time for a change in this country.

This country needs a leader who will be open and transparent for once, and I am just the person to do that.

(You also need a leader who can write such long-running sentences like the one above^^ because that is an assurance that you will receive long-winded speeches that cut in during the middle of your favourite tv programmes.)

I have already come up with a platform that will knock your socks off.

My goal as leader of this wonderful land is singular: Honesty.

I will promote Honesty amongst my constituents in every aspect of leadership.

Honesty in raising taxes.

Honesty in corruption.

Honesty in taking from the rich and taking from the poor, all for the benefit of Sam.

There will be... GUARANTEED... no scandal brought on under the Samantha Burns (regime) leadership because I will be 100% honest about stealing from you.

Is there a better party out there? No. Will I serve you in your best interest? No.

The answers are clear.

A vote for Sam means a vote for truth in politics.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I asked readers a while ago to send some questions they have for me. Here are a couple of the questions and my responses.

Von asked,

"If you could make one person disappear, who would it be?"

I'm afraid I don't have a better answer for that one.

I also got a question from skegatz who asked,

"if it was proven to you that eating dried snot from your nose was good for your body, would you?"

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Yay, today's international hot and spicy food day.

I'm off for Indian food. Yummers.

(another special little tidbit from my The Simpsons calendar)

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Posted by Samantha at 09:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

These questions are from Eternity Road,

Shall I part my hair behind?
Do I dare to eat a peach?

And, this question is from Parenthetical Remarks:

What light from yonder window breaks?

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Posted by Samantha at 05:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I'm afraid that only Canadians will probably get this one, but I want to know who else out there watches those Canadian Tire commercials and thinks that bearded guy (also known as the Canadian Tire Guy, or CTG to me) looks and acts a lot like Ned Flanders from The Simpsons?

Ok-ily Dok-ily.

Regardless of whether you see the connection or not, you may enjoy reading this news bit on how the Canadian Tire spokescouple divorce.

Turns out CTG is actually a man named Ted Simonett - an actor (he was in Police Academy 4, a The Twilight Zone episode, and a Poltergeist episode, so he can't be all that bad, right?), singer, musician, and possibly into photography, as well. (Although, I have no real evidence that the photo is really from the same Ted Simonett, but that camera in his hands suggests something)

I think the most lame part of it all is that apparently he has a contract with Canadian Tire that states he's not allowed to do interviews as a way of maintaining his dorky image for the commercials.

I guess he's not such a douche in real life, or something.

I mean, do you think we really care about this Canadian version of Nedily-Doodily? No, we really would rather see his demise than go another year with him pushing his cr*ppy products.

I hope the guy's getting paid a fortune to be under that contract, though, because I can only imagine that someone out there could be setting up a hit on the guy.

Others who agree on Canadian Tire Guy's irritation and appearance as Ned Flanders:

ob.blog

The compiled thoughts of Dave Onishenko

Mr. Beardy McBeardface

His domain name seems still up for grabs.

This is a pretty good example of who the Canadian Tire couple are: Royal Canadian Air Farce

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Difster asked me this zany question:

What would you do with your time if you had only 2 weeks left to live?

That would take a few hours of day 1.

Then, I'd go have a bath and while soaking, I'd think of another 10 things to add to my organised agenda. So, I'd finish my bath and head back to the "drawing board" to reschedule.

Eventually, I'll realise that it's lunch time and that I should go eat something. Seeing that it's only 1 of 7 days left, I should probably eat something elaborate and delicious, spending whatever I want to enjoy it, but no, I go to the kitchen to pick up the first available thing - a slice of bread. No time to toast it or put anything on it because I have to get back to rescheduling.

Once that's done, I'll spend the rest of the day calling everyone and telling people online that I have only 6 more days left to live.

That pretty much consumes my first day, other than a brief meal of microwaved leftovers or whatever I had the day before.

Day 2 willl pretty much go the same as I realise I've scheduled day 1 as if I still had a day 1 left. And, so on and so forth.

Actually, if I really had only one week to live, I'd do the three things I love most: sleep, eat, and well... you know. Okay, okay, I might take in a couple big adventures. #1 on that list would be free-fall skydiving.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It's Rowan Atkinson's birthday, as well as author E.L. Doctorow.

Further, Merry Armenian Christmas to anyone out there observing the day.

And, have a happy Iroquois White Dog Feast/Sacrifice if you celebrate (many ethnohistoric writings state various reasons for the festival, including symbolism for the changing times, ritual to bring in the new year, etc.).

Ya, I got me a The Simpsons calendar that is so detailed, it's unbelievable. Well, I did the research on the Iroquois festival, but the rest is from the calendar. It has, like, ALL the observances and two or three famous people's birthdays per day, for every day of the year.

It's awesome!

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Posted by Samantha at 11:08 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Marriages Restored asked me a zany question worthy of a response:

Do you think my linking to you may one day cost me a job in evangelical circles? If so, what do you imagine is the best way to market that to my advantage? :)

You will lose all respect in any and every religious circle as you have signed up with the Sammy Rollers.

The best was to market this to your advantage is to give up and give in to Sam's orders. The first order of business is to take out $1000 ads with all of the top blogs out there (#1-5 spots on ttlb, for instance) in the name of Sam with a link to her site, not yours.

Oh, heck, better yet, send those 1000's of dollars to Sam and be done with it. This will guarantee you a prestigious seat amongst the Sammy Rollers.

Next, we'll go on the road, preaching the word of Blog.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I did a Zany Questions article once asking people to write me odd questions that I can answer. Here are a couple of those questions and my answers.

Pressure Point asks me,

"Do you believe in magic?"

Yes, I believe in magic, if by magic you mean those man-made illusions set up to make a person believe that some phenomenon has just happened.

My favourite magicians: Penn and Teller.

Another question comes from Raging Rabbits who asks,

"does the carpet match the drapes?"

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Posted by Samantha at 01:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I had an article recently called Zany Questions in which I asked people to leave me a question to be answered. I thought I'd better answer this one from Mister Snitch now since it sounds like it's urgent:

"If you accidentally swallow paint, why can't you fix it by following up with paint remover?

(I kind of need that answer in a hurry if you don't mind.)"

I have to wonder why anyone would swallow paint in the first place.

Is this some sort of new fad the youth is doing, can you get high on the stuff? Or perhaps there's a tv programme, Trading Intestines where you "redecorate" your interior.

Although I'd be really tempted to goof around saying it was ok to do as a way of cleansing the system, I'm going to have to refrain from joking about it because I'm sure there's someone out there stupid enough to do it, then they'll attack me as a result of their own negligence.

So, DON'T do it.

(even if you're an idiot and really should)

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Posted by Samantha at 05:07 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Adam Rainer will go down in medical history as one of life's phenomena.

Rainer was a man who was both a dwarf and a giant in his lifetime.

Born in Graz, Austria, he stood at 3' 10.5" (1.18 m) at 21 years old, but by the age of 32, he had grown to just under 7' 2" (2.18 m).

Rainer is rated in the Guinness Book of World Records for "most variable stature". At his death in 1950 at age 51, Rainer's height reached 7'8".

The reasoning behind his sudden growth is that his pituitary gland "went from a trickle to to a flood" around the age of 21, and the medical problem left him too weak to stand for much of the remainder of his life.

I agree with one of the commenters, I can't imagine the pain of the growth spurts the guy had to have doubled in height by the time of his death.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:19 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Remember that proposal I had for you all, asking if anyone had a good/weird question to ask me. Well, here is one of the questions and my response.

john p. hoke's asylum asks

"Why are manhole covers circles?"

My response: Manhole covers reflect society's view towards gender and sexuality. Throughout history, who primarily worked in the field of sewer maintenance? Men, and only men can thrust themselves into holes. Yes, the manhole cover represents the female anatomy, but it also reflects the other male hole, not the one in their penis, but in their butt.

Therefore: sewer = shit and manhole = man's hole.

(sorry you asked me now?)

I will respond to john p. hoke's asylum's other two questions at a future time, plus get to the many other great questions I was asked.

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Posted by Samantha at 04:44 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

As a result of the ever-growing Internet, Yahoo is catering to Canadians by announcing it has created a Canadianised web portal/search engine to replace www.yahoo.ca. I have listed some of the new and unique features below.

When searching at the new Canadian web portal, the first 3 links returned from any search will always yield links to beer companies. Priority goes to Canadian breweries as Canadians require the good/strong stuff rather than pale ale.

Further, any links containing the words "Celine" and "Dion" will be permanently removed from their database.

There will also be a translation page included in the Yahoo portal which will translate any website from English to Canadian. For example, words such as couch/sofa will be changed to chesterfield, whole milk or Homogenized milk will be changed to Homo milk, theater will be theatre, color-colour, check-cheque, and all "ize" endings of words will be changed to "ise".

In agreement with regulations on Canadian content promotion, all Yahoo images will be interspersed with photos of Wayne Gretzky.

Yahoo is also assuring the public that searching for the word beaver will result in "friendly Canadian water mammal" hits instead of pornography.

Although things seem to be going well for the new search engine, they are undergoing reconstruction to remove the glitches listed below.

Unsubstantiated controversy has been circulating that the Maple Syrup Mafia is using the site to launder the money of their obscene maple syrup profits. The Yahoo portal is presently attempting to cease the MSM abuse and misuse of power.

Unfortunately there will be no Quebec French (Quebecoise) translations. When asked to comment, one yahoo executive stated,

"Quebec Bill 101 requires that the French font size be at least two times the size of the English font, and we are unwilling to compromise the asthetics of yahoo's image. As such, we will not be offering Yahoo Quebecoise translations".

As an attempt to ameliorate the problems they are facing, the new Yahoo portal has included a few more new Canadian features:

Yahoo Messenger will now have a specialised version in second quarter of 2006, which will include emoticons featuring unique Canadianisms such as "Take off, eh", "How's it going, eh?", and "Hey Hoser".

Yahoo Canada Finance will chart the steady devaluation of the Canadian dollar against the ever-increasing taxes and cost of living.

When asked to comment on the Yahoo announcement, Canadian Prime Minister Paul Martin stated: "I did not have sexual relations with anyone involved in the sponsorship scandal". Martin was later informed that he had commented on the wrong topic.

And finally, Yahoo Weather will change its forecasting to include the only necessary three levels of weather watch warnings: "it's cold, eh", "time to plug in the car's block heater", and "our seniors are moving to Florida".

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

This story, "Islanders pray to Jesus image on plant pot", would have been more fun and interesting to write about if this were its title:

Islanders pray to Jesus image on pot plant

Now that, would be worth writing about!

Alas, I am forced to write my own version of events since my news story idea was not available.

It seems the Caribbean island paradise, Cozumel, has something to celebrate. They are blessed with the image of their god on their favourite substance, a pot plant.

As you may know, Cozumel worships a goddess and a pantheon of gods. One of the island's great gods is known as Smokadaganja, the overseer of illusions, food cravings, and the giggles.

The pot plant is sacred to the islanders, who grow the plant high upon the divine mountain, Amaloadacrap. The pot plants are nurtured, fed, and sunbathed daily for three years by a small committee of only 4 holy men who have been given the hallowed title of Mary Jane Monks.

When it is time for the sacred plants to be harvested, the Mary Jane Monks use only special tools that have been approved of and blessed by the supreme pot priest. The plants must be harvested only on June 11th of every 3 years, the birth date of the magnificent Jacques Cousteau. The significance of the harvest date is due to Cousteau's popularising of the small island in a documentary in 1961 for its amazing reefs and underwater beauty.

As for the monks, they are not only esteemed by their communities, but they are respected for their contributions internationally by both Amsterdam and British Columbia. Once the harvest is completed, a festival, candidly called the Cannibis Carnival, is held a month later where participants parade around in costumes that look like marajuana leaves, bongs, and rolled up joints among other ensembles.

This year's latest festival is where the incident occurred. Apparently, a man adorned in hippy attire and a woman dressed as a package of Zigzags headed to a nearby cafe when they spotted the pot plant sitting in the coffee shop window as part of a Cannibis Carnival decoration.

The man and woman were startled to see an image of the great god, Smokadaganja's face rooted on the surface of the pot plant's largest leaf.

After informing the shop owner and authorities, the word got out to the public and the plant has been the focus of attention in the town ever since.

Citizens have set up a shrine, which many attend daily to pray to image in the pot plant.

Many are calling the apparition a miracle befitting of the great god.

Much like the story of the terra cotta planter being worshipped in the story linked above, the pot plant in Cozumel "is roped off with a crimson cord strung between brass poles and has a simple candle burning in front of it".

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Posted by Samantha at 09:42 AM | Permalink

If you got a turkey for Thanksgiving this year, consider yourself lucky to not have a dumb, binocular vision one.

Snopes or no snopes, turkeys are believed to look up at the sky when there's a rainstorm; however, many drown as a result of inhaling water during this stupid act.

Happy Gobble-Gobble!

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Posted by Samantha at 05:03 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

It is claimed that 45.2% of people pee in the shower (remind me not to share a shower with anyone). And, Bflo Blog claims that men have no problem with it, but women are disgusted by it. I wonder if it's true knowing the statistics on it are roughly the same as the male/female population on earth. However, that might not be the case.

I suppose peeing in the shower is a bit better than peeing in the pool. At least you're not swimming in someone else's urine.

So, it looks like 45.2% of you need one of these shirts.

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Posted by Samantha at 02:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Teflon is known to be the slipperiest substance in the world.

Raise your hand if you AREN'T having a dirty thought.... I didn't think so.

On a related note, it is said that the most popular condom in Taiwan is 4.2" long.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:33 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

It is believed that all species of beetles are edible.

So, chow down.

And, the fetish, Formicophilia, is said to be the enjoyment of having small insects crawl on your genitals.

Put the two together, and you get one pleasurable night: dinner and a date.

*shudder*

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Posted by Samantha at 06:17 PM | Permalink | Comments (17)

A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

It's quackers!

Does this mean that if you put a duck near a canyon and make it quack, you'll only hear the original quack and not the echo off the canyon walls? Okay, where'm I going to get a duck to test out this theory? I just gotta know for myself.

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Posted by Samantha at 06:01 PM | Permalink | Comments (11)

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

So, is this from all that snoring we do? Or, is it from being chased by a gigantic pink fluffy bunny? Perhaps it's those wet dreams???

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Posted by Samantha at 12:11 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

You know, every time I hear or think of Smokey The Bear, I am reminded of the time when Bart Simpson encounters a life-sized Smokey The Bear display that asks him "Only who can prevent forest fires?" and Bart responds by pushing you, which is wrong according to the display which says, "You pressed 'you', referring to 'me'. That is incorrect. The correct answer is 'you'."

Anyhow, the point I was trying to make is that Smokey The Bear actually has his own zip code.

A non-existent entity has a real life zip code.

I'd hate to learn of any other non-existing beings owning zip codes, or Canadian postal codes. Weird.

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Posted by Samantha at 08:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Bluebirds cannot see the colour blue.

I wonder if they're blue about it???

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Posted by Samantha at 07:18 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)