The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Well Lindsay Lohan has done it again. Busted that is for drunk driving and within weeks of her first bust.

Looks like rehab really worked for her - not.

Lindsay Lohan was arrested in the Los Angeles area early on Tuesday on suspicion of drunken driving and cocaine possession, just days after she completed a 45-day rehabilitation program, authorities said.

The 21-year-old star of "Mean Girls" -- already facing a drunken-driving charge following a car crash in Beverly Hills two months ago -- was pulled over in the coastal city of Santa Monica shortly after midnight.

Police said they had received a report of a car chase and that Lohan and two companions were in the pursuing vehicle. A police spokesman said he believed the people in the two cars knew each other.

Lohan was taken into custody after failing a field sobriety test. Police said she registered a blood-alcohol level of about 0.12, well above the California limit of 0.08.

Lohan was booked on suspicion of drunken driving, possession of cocaine, bringing a controlled substance into custody and driving on a suspended license.

She was released after posting a $25,000 bond, a police spokesman said.

And then there is this:

Just last Friday, Lohan turned herself in to Beverly Hills police to face charges of drunken driving in connection with a May 26 car crash.

In that case, she lost control of her Mercedes-Benz sports car and drove into a hedge. She then left the scene. Police said at the time they also found a small amount of what they believed to be cocaine in the car.

The incident followed months of hard partying by the actress, who had been a regular at Hollywood nightspots and attending Alcoholics Anonymous programs for a year despite having turned 21 -- the legal age for drinking in the United States -- only this month.

Immediately after the crash in May, Lohan checked herself into a Malibu rehab center for the second time in a year. She left earlier this month and now wears an alcohol monitoring bracelet on a voluntary basis, her spokeswoman said.

What do you say about someone that appears to have it all and keeps screwing up?

I know what I say. DUMMIE!

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Posted by Layla Elizabeth at 04:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Oh, I'm not getting totally sick and tired of the name Paris, are you?

Yet another reason to dislike France, eh, coming up with a name like that.

Blech!

Let's begin, if we must. It seems that after going in and out of prison this past little while, poor Paris Hilton has become scared to take a dookie on the dumper.

Paris Hilton is so petrified of being photographed on the toilet in jail she is refusing to eat or drink.

But, rest assured, that chicklet will never be anyone's b*tch, despite her frail appearance. I don't know about you, but she just strikes me as the type to be the aggressor while behind bars - the one to do the b*tchslapping and clawing, not the one receiving. And, with her system all backed up from refusing to sit on the royal throne, I'm sure she's ripe with irritation and frustration (if not constipation) enough to slap the bajebus out of anyone in her way.

Oh ya, and let's not forget the anger she must be feeling towards her talent agency since it dropped her recently.

Sounds like another person we know who got the boot for being a useless role model.

And, I'm sure that right about now, Paris has a bit of resentment towards her friend, Nicole Richie. I mean, at least Nicole could squeeze herself through those prison bars to make her escape.

Fat ol' Paris could never do that!

Anyhow, by now, I'm sure you realise that I'm being facetious about this whole fiasco. I have to be, because In my opinion, this whole story is just a ruse. All of a sudden, this publicly known weird and wild celebrity moron is making changes in her life for the better? As a result of her vacation in prison?

I don't think so.

I wouldn't doubt for a second that it was set up from the get-go - drinking, car crashes, drunk driving, smashy smashy. I'm thinking Hilton may be tired of her wild and crazy party lifestyle persona and the only way she could think to change it (with the aid of family and agents, of course, because we all know Paris can't think on her own) without having the public forget about her completely, was to have an epiphany in prison.

How blasé.

Couldn't they have come up with something more unique? It's like a tv movie of the week, or something.

*yawn*

Anyhow, I'm done with this, but here's the spoof video for you if you haven't already seen it.

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Posted by Samantha at 02:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (5)

It seems Sheryl "a$$-wipe" Crow has broken a cardinal rule about adopting babies: she got one from within the USA.

Sheryl's reps haven't released any new information, except to say the baby was born in the United States. Sheryl announced on her website that she'll be taking time off her touring schedule to enjoy some "private family time."

I feel sorry for the baby, though. I mean, that kid's gotta learn to live using only one sheet while his mommy probably wipes her arse with the whole roll.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:02 AM | Permalink

That's my way of saying "bite me" to all those eco-freaks out there.

Of course, this is primarily in response to Sheryl Crow's toilet paper limitation idea. If you hadn't already heard, singer Sheryl Crow apparently believes people can wipe their a$$e$ with only one frickin' square sheet of toilet paper.

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

Not to mention there'd be an over-consumption of water as washing machines will be working overtime to clean all that dirty underwear on a daily basis.

I don't quite understand the dimwitted ideologies of those fruitcakes. I mean, let's travel around in "three tractor trailers, four buses, and six cars" and tout the "boo-hoo's" of global warming.

Ya, global warming is real, you f*cknuts, it's called the natural cycle of this solar system. It's the natural warming of this globe due to a cyclical solar pattern, NOT due to human err.

But, those are big words for you eco-screwjobs out there, so I don't expect you to get it.

More on the square one here.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Good Stuff Thursday [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Diane's Stuff had suggested I have Tonya Harding on as this week's moron as a way of being reflective on the Olympics. I liked the idea, but had real difficulty finding a suitable image of her with correct size, background, etc.

So, instead, I decided to write this separate article on the moron.

Well, I guess I'm supposed to say that Harding is best known for being an Olympic figure skater, but of course, she is most known for being a conspirator in hindering the prosecution of her ex-husband in his plot to hire a hitman to attack Nancy Kerrigan, another pro figure skater.

Say that again?

Harding witheld information from investigators in the case against her ex-hubby where he hired someone to bust Kerrigan's knee right before the 1994 US Championship.

The moron was fined $150,000, forced to do 500 hours community service, was stripped of her championship title, and was banned from all sanctioned events and from sanctioned coaching for eternity.

Of course, we also remember her from her past when she would try to get restart after restart on her skate programmes for this problem or that problem ("my shoelace broke" or the blade is loose), and when she 'allegedly' phoned in a bomb threat against herself to get out of having to qualify for various skating events.

She'd even tried to coach herself for a short period because she kept losing coach after coach; they probably realised they were trying to coach a loser.

Since her skating indiscretions, Harding then went on to embarrass herself in the boxing ring where she actually did win some fights. But, at one point, she humiliated herself by being disqualified from First Coast bouts because she was too overweight for that competition.

Continue reading "An Olympic Moron Revisited" »

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Keith Ellison stirs American Muslims with allahu akbar (Open Trackback Wednesday) [by Right Truth]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt must think pretty highly of themselves these days.

It seems they are frightened that they will be the next targets of an al Qaeda terrorist attack.

Sure, Brangelina, that's all they've got time for is targeting a couple of dense-headed movie stars.

Just go adopt another baby, and shut the f*ck up, you numbnuts.

How many kids is it now... 56?

Something like that, I'm guessing.

Anyhow, perhaps they'd be smart to adorn themselves in the attire I suggested earlier

But, quite frankly, I couldn't care less one way or another. It's not like the world would miss another pretty boy or starlet.

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Posted by Samantha at 09:07 AM | Permalink

I don't know what's more lame, the fact that someone's built a website on Celebrities eating or that I'm reporting on it.

Just thought you should be subjected to the same trivial, mindless cr*p that I've been subjected to during my daily online wanderings.

My apologies.

Completely unrelated, Halloween Bunny. Check out the videos below at that link.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink

How much more disgusting is this guy going to get?

And, if you guessed I was talking about OJ Simpson, you'd be correct.

I mean, you'd think a guy who lost his wife to a murderer would choose not to write a book accounting details of how he would have killed her if he'd have done it.

Simpson's acquittal on murder charges could be considered the trial of the century. Now Simpson's smugness has reached new bounds after tabloid reports suggest he is penning a half-"hypothetical" account of the decade-old grizzly double murder of his exwife, Nicole, and her friend Ron Goldman.

The National Enquirer reports that the football player-turned-actor was offered US$3.5 million to write about the murders and how they might have happened. "Only that kind of money could have tempted OJ to finally tell the truth," a source told the Enquirer.

I'm sorry, but someone who lost someone to a murderer, whether they were getting along with the victim or not, should be too devastated to envision how they would have killed the person.

But, I wouldn't put it past him, considering how last year he exploited the murder and his reputation as a potential killer at the horror convention Necrocomicon .

If he could profit from it then, there's no reason why he wouldn't take advantage of it now.

Isn't imagination something like a window to a person's true self, or something like that?

In this case, I believe it.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

George Carlin has some funny stuff to share, which you may or may not have already heard or read before.

I liked them when I read them, and thought it only fair that I share some of my favourites with you, regardless of how cheesy it is to merely cut and paste articles.

Lol, but I'm not exactly known for being the most tactful person around.

Anyhow, here they are:

1. OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
2. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
3. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in... what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
11. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
12. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
13. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
15. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Bonus Favourite: I think if you are in the passing lane, and not passing, your license should be revoked, and you should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to never delay the rest of us again.

And, head here for more George Carlinisms.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

There is some unpleasant news going around that tv show, Saved By The Bell's dweeby actor, Dustin Diamond, aka Screech has been caught in a sex scandal.

Oh, whoops. I should have started this with a warning message.

I'll just wait for you to get back from barfing before I continue....

Done? Okay, good.

Yes, it is believed that Screech may have a sex tape floating around out there in which he was found with two women, partaking of smutty activities.

I'm going to go ahead and guess that this one's not going to make the big bucks like the Paris Hilton or Colin Farrell tapes.

Just a hunch.

Anyhow, I thought I'd take this opportunity to suggest a few movie titles for this sex tape.

1. Dustin Diamond Dons His Dong

2. Slapped By The Balls

3. Screech Gets Screwed

4. Screech Finally Scores

5. Diamond is a Girl's Best Friend

6. Screech Goes Scrogging

7. Screech Beats The Sheets

I hope you didn't read this just after eating.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Sunday News [by Chronically Sick But Still Thinking]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

Duh, you'd think they would have checked out this sh*t before they made a whole frickin' show out of it.

Supernova forced to change name to Rock Star Supernova

Not that I care much - a band with rock n' roll leftovers isn't much of a band.

With that said, they should have sought the name RockStar SuperScraps.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Looks like our first moron, Sean Penn, is up for a role that I, for one, don't think he's qualified to play.

Sean Penn may play Einstein for TV film

Well, I guess it's not that unusual. I mean, I'm sure Einstein also had times when he had to bail himself out of sinking ideas.

And, when referring to Einstein's famous E=mc², we see Sean Penn as a definite massive waste of energy.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Old age must really screw with rock star minds, eh.

I mean, first it was Ozzy, and now it's Gene Simmons from KISS with a new reality show called Family Jewels, which is now playing on A&E.

Great, so now we get to watch some wrinkly geezer making it with 20 year olds while his 'milf' common law wife is stuck at home raising the rock star's bastard children.

Sure I listen to and enjoy the music they once created, but I just wish KISS would have simply retired back before their makeup ever came off.

Previous/Related: I Wanna Smell Like KISS All Day-ay-ay

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Janet Jackson Poses Topless for Vibe

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

... it was the tight-arse blue leotards.

Superman has tantrum over his wimpy make-up.

Next thing you know, we'll hear Kate Bosworth complaining that the camera had too many close-ups of her f*cked up eyes, or that Kevin Spacey was whining that his Lex Luthor bald cap was too tight, or perhaps Parker Posey griped that the little furball she had to hold gave her allergies.

Whatever.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Paris Hilton is going on record, stating that she is actually smart.

Was that s-m-r-t, or s-m-a-r-t? (reference from The Simpsons)

She claims that her persona on The Simple Life was all an act and that she's actually not as ditzy as she appeared on the show.

Sorry, ditz, but reality doesn't lie.

And, since being awarded the moron title, Hilton has gone on to do several more idiotic things - not as an act - which may be brought up in the future if she is ever declared "moron" again (which, as I'm sure you know, is extremely possible).

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Posted by Samantha at 09:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

... and, all the boys of the United States breathe a sigh of relief.

Michael Jackson is moving to Europe.

That's right, any child in the US under 12 can unclench their buttocks as Wacko Jacko contemplates a major move after his business affairs take a dive.

I'm just glad Canada isn't a comforting retreat to that scary monster.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)

For those who missed it, Those Bastards brought word of Eddie Griffin (NBA Minnesota Timberwolves) and his run-in with the law. Apparently, Griffin was participating in a very special sort of non-spectator sport when he allegedly plowed into another vehicle.

Yes, I do believe it takes one heck of a remarkably hidden talent to not only drink and drive, but to also watch porn and masterbate, all at the same time.

Uh... no wonder he crashed.

I bet that took more strategy, determination, and maneuvering than his whole basketball career did. Too bad you can't get a college scholarship for that one; our schools would be full.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

David Hasselhoff injured his arm a little while shaving.

Okay, not funny. Poor Hasselhoff. *snicker*

Man, I can't wait to watch his lights get beat out of him in that movie Click.

Previous/Related: Hasselhoff's a moron, Sam's laws of life, Top 10 Celebs I Wouldn't Want To Be Stuck Beside On A Long Flight, Hooked on a Feeling, He's Available, Top 10 Weird Digital Music Creations To Come

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Click [by MacBros' Place]

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Posted by Samantha at 05:40 PM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Apparently, some Human Rights committee is mad at Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt for having a baby in Namibia.

I gotta feeling it's some sort of jealousy thing.

Namibia's National Society for Human Rights (NSHR) branded the couple "colonial overlords" and accused them of taking over the African country when their daughter Shiloh Nouvel was born this month.

An NSHR spokesman said: "To shut down a national border so she can give birth in peace is a massive abuse of power."

The human rights campaigners claim Angelina and Brad "used heavy-handed and brutal tactics" to persuade the Namibian government to agree to their demands.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

Ha, ha. The name alone is funny.

Yes, I'm writing about the country-born, mullet-wearing moron who was popular for a short period with his Achy Breaky Heart song.

Blech.

Well, he's been in the news lately about his desire to bring back the mullet.

Dude, it's always been here, the majority of us just know how retarded it looks.

Apparently, Cyrus and his hillbilly music have an album coming out soon. I'm just hoping it doesn't bring along any stupid fads like line dancing.

I've had enough of that junk. Goes right along with my love for the Macarena.

Like I said, blech.

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Posted by Samantha at 07:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

But, then I realised that I live in Canada.

Barbra Streisand goes on 20 concert US tour.

Phew, what a relief.

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Posted by Samantha at 05:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Senility seems to be setting in for Elizabeth Taylor these days as she speaks with Larry King about her rumoured Alzheimers.

Taylor blurted out many statements like "Do I look like I'm dying?" And, "Do I look like or sound like I have Alzheimer's?"

Ummm... yes, to the first question.

In recent weeks, tabloids have speculated that Taylor was close to death. Alternately, some reports said she was being treated for the early stages of Alzheimer's.

In the past 10 years, Taylor has suffered a broken back, skin cancer and several serious bouts of pneumonia. She also had both hips replaced and a benign brain tumour removed.

As for the second question Taylor asked, well, an hour after leaving the interview with Larry King, Liz headed to the studio, walked up to Larry King, and apologised for being late for her interview, asking, "shall we get started?"

Gotta laugh at this Alzheimer's sound clip

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Sounds like a poorly made movie. Perhaps one that William Hung could star in.

It appears that William Hung, the terrible singer from American Idol, is being crowned the Artichoke King of Castroville.

Why Hung?

Their only reasoning is because they believed it would bring them exposure to the artichoke festival they are holding this summer.

Well, it did that. I'm laughing about it.

And, they say that Marilyn Monroe was their Artichoke Queen in 1947.

Wow, that would make for an odd couple if the timing were right, eh.

*shudder*

But, since you know how I enjoy feeding you Hung material, here's a link for you of some William Hung retarded remixes.

You know, artichokes leave a bad taste in my mouth, so I guess it's only fitting that Hung be king afterall.

Interpret that as you will (ugh).

Previous/Related: Hung Up

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

The couple that every Canadian seems to want to do, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie had their baby.

Whoopty-doo.

So, Shiloh Nouvel, eh.

Is that pronounced Shiloh like "sh*thole" or Shiloh like "silo"?

Either way, looks like a tough life for that kid.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink

Oh gee, would you look at that, no sooner does Axl Rose exclaim that he's coming out with a new Guns N' Roses album, then he starts up with the publicity stunts.

Didn't see that coming... ya right.

It seems that Axl Rose got into a little fisticuffs with Tommy Hilfiger at a nightclub called The Plumm.

The scuffle reportedly started after the Guns N' Roses front man moved the drink of Hilfiger's girlfriend, Dee Ocleppo.

Rose did perform, and dedicated the song "You're Crazy" to "my good friend Tommy Hilfiger."

You're f*ckin' craz-ay!

In a fairly recent Rolling Stones magazine story, Axl spewed the news that the long awaited Chinese Democracy album (record, tape, cd, whatever) would be coming out this year.

Whatever, f*cknut.

Yes, I adored GN'R over 10 years ago, but it's no longer GN'R. Yes, I'll probably buy the album, but it's no longer GN'R. Yes, I'd probably sleep with any member of the band, but it's no longer GN'R. (okay, scratch that last one *shudder*)

But, I suppose I can't get too upset with Axl for f*cking up the band in the first place, especially since he's donning a wicked arse Toronto Maple Leaf's jersey in the pic.

The dude never really put in much effort into coming to Canada, but that's besides the point - I guess.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:04 AM | Permalink

Jared Fogle, the Subway dork, hosted the Special Olympics tour campaign in Canada this year.

Isn't that fitting.

(no offense meant to those with special needs because you gotta admit, Jared's a tool)

Run Jared, Run

(image is not from the Special Olympics, just darn funny)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

I sure hope not because this story really says it all.

It seems a supermodel, Tatyana Simanava, took a step in the wrong direction while on a trip to a modeling appointment.

She had asked for directions to the bathroom while on the luxury bus (this alone displays the smarts of a model if she can't find a bathroom on a frickin' bus), and when she headed to the loo, she opened the wrong door and flopped out onto a Brooklyn, New York City, highway.

Duh.

And, of course, what else would you expect from a fool who's embarrassed herself, she is now upset with the bus company for not providing adequate cautions at the door exits.

You know, if you're stupid enough to walk through a door without looking first, then...

She ended up with a bruised right arm and jaw, so she should be thanking her lucky stars that she's even alive rather than playing the blame game.

And, even though she said she's not angry about it, it is predicted that she will sue over the matter.

I smell a publicity stunt.

Not of her falling out the bus, but her going for a lawsuit because she bruised her d*mn self.

Oh, boo hoo.

Her tragic case will end up in the tabloids for sure if she pursues a lawsuit, so that, to me, would be the only reason she'd sue.

Of course, she'll probably claim that the event was traumatic for her and she'll be suffering years upon years of emotional issues, which will cause her to spiral into a deep depression and never be able to have kids because she's afraid that one day they will suffer the same trauma, and the only way she will ever be able to deal with these thoughts is by seeing the world's highest paid psychiatrist and yoga instructor, so she needs the money from the lawsuit to support her nut doctor expenses and to bring justice to such a horrific and senseless tragedy. And, of course, she'll also add that she's doing this so that nobody else has to suffer like she did.

You know that's the standard clause for any lawsuit.

And, you know what else? I started this as an exaggeration, but in reality, it's probably not too far from the truth.

Thanks goes to Jim for sending this tidbit of supermodely goodness.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Lol, right around the time I read this, regarding Hollywood gathering to support Tom Cruise during his wacky behaviours and failing MI 3 movie, I read this story about Tom possibly wearing heels.

Sure, he's as sane as h*ll, isn't he?

Hmmm... thinking about it, perhaps it's not just about his weird behaviour, but also about the way he tries to push his "religion" on others.

I don't know anybody who enjoys those 'holier than thou' types.

And, some have even said that Cruise's poor box office opening of MI 3 suffers from overexposure:

"The media overexposes him, and then turns around and asks the question: 'Is he overexposed?', which is kind of ironic."

He's the one who kissed Katie publicly every d*mn chance he got in front of the camera; he's the one who did talk shows and spewed his alien/anti-drugs beliefs all over the airwaves; he's the one who chose to speak with the press about the pregnancy; he's the one who "joked" about his placentophagy thoughts; and he's the one who went to interview after interview to ramble on about how great he thinks he is in MI 3.

No sympathy for that dillweed here.

You know, thinking about it, I've never thought him a good actor. The only times I've watched a movie of his was when it was forced upon me by a friend. Bad times, bad times.

But, what really kills me is that b*st*rd got his producer hands on Deathrace 3000 - a movie that I, without a doubt, will go see because Death Race 2000 is the sh*t. I guess I'm going to have to suffer with watching something else he's stuck his nose into.

Rats.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:02 AM | Permalink

Dave D. from The Waterglass should like this one.

Janeane Garofalo is a tool.

End of story.

Kidding. There's more, even though that really says it all.

Apparently, the moron is taking some heat these days as she has upset some of her fans.

(how desperate are these losers to be fans of Garofalo, of all people)

It seems Janeane is ready to kiss some screwball a$$ as she defends the pseudo-religion scientology. Janeane devoted at least two of her radio programme episodes to talking about the scientology-based New York Rescue Workers Detoxification Project.

In what was considered by many to be more like an infomercial, Garofalo cushioned her talk show with soft questions and praise for the pseudo-detox programme - a programme many medical professionals disapprove of.

So, yay, we have another scientology supporting celeb to make fun of.

I wonder if she'll turn out to be a couch jumper, too.

Hmmm... I wonder if she uses her radio signals to contact the great and all-knowing Xenu.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

for some reason.

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Posted by Samantha at 11:52 AM | Permalink

Ya, now Pamela Anderson's being a nut about another form of animal usage, and this time it has to do with a close relative of hers.

Anderson's going ape about the use of primates in commercials and other advertising forms.

Aw, boo hoo.

I mean, oo oo oo ee ee ee.

The PETA freak stated in the Wall Street Journal that

"King Kong is my hero. He's big, muscular, sensitive, a terrific actor -- and he's not real. The use of computer-generated imagery has really taken off in Hollywood. So why has Madison Avenue suddenly gone bananas for real apes?"

Duh.

I do like, however, the article writer's description of Anderson as a "cartoonishly augmented lover of all creatures great and small".

Lol, cartoonishly augmented.

However, I'd say she probably loves all creatures great and small, excluding humans. She is a PETA nut afterall, and we all know how they don't come across as very supportive of the humans.

Bah!

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Posted by Samantha at 02:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

And, I pity the fool who watches this show.

Yup, Mr.T. is getting ready for tv land again as he intends to host an advice show.

Ugh.

Well, I've got some advice for T... gold chains are soooo 80's.

I wonder how insane this show will be, though. I mean, the guy doesn't come across all that "with it" whenever he talks on talk shows.

Just a little squirrelly.

I'd be intrigued, however, just to watch an episode to see what insanity will develop. He even states,

"My show ain't no 'Dr. Phil,' with people sitting around crying."

On a side note, oh mama, here's MR. T.'s rap song. Let's hope he doesn't do any of this on his show, or it will be instant cancelled. And, what's with those shorts? *shudder*

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Posted by Samantha at 01:33 AM | Permalink

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! Yes, porns most ugliest actor has inserted his member (his mind for once) into America's most ugliest organisation. PETA and Ron Jeremy penetrate the advertisement scene to encourage speying and neutering pets.

Of all the things that should be neutered, it should have been Jeremy years ago because no woman wants to look at that (unless they are getting paid good bucks like his fellow porn "actors").

So, essentially I'm gathering that Ron Jeremy is against overpopulation of cats and dogs, and that he would like to see more people speying and neutering their animals. My interpretation of what he's saying is that sex for pleasure is okay for animals as long as they aren't breeding.

With that, I present you with a list of porn movies for pets:

Mittens Does Manhatten
Deep Throat II: That Fishy Smell Is Coming From Pussy
Great Danes Do It Doggystyle
Fido and Fluffy Get Funky
Boning Bitches
Pimping Pussy
Madame Foo Foo's Bordello
Peep Shows For Pooches
Whips, Chains, And Catnip
Rover and Rex's Romping Room

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Cicciolina, aka Anna Ilona Staller, is apparently Italy's most famous pornstar, although I really don't know why.

She is remembered by the rest of us as the wacko chick who offered herself to Saddam Hussein twice in return for a peaceful conclusion to both the Gulf War and the Iraq War.

Now, the 55 year old is offering her body to Osama Bin Laden as a way to end the fighting and terror.

"I am ready to make a deal, he can have me in exchange for an end to his tyranny. My breasts have only ever helped people while Bin Laden has killed thousands of innocent victims."

Trust us, one look at'cha will send Bin Laden hiding in a hole like Saddam did.

Time to retire lady.

Ick.

Seriously, you may all be going "me-ow" right now, but geez, chickidoodle, dye your brows or get a wax job, or something, anything, if you're going to fake blonde like that.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Porn Mama Wants Osama [by Interested-Participant]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Find out what Tom Cruise's opinion on sex is, not that you'd want to know in the first place.

He believes that sex when you're not in love is "really horrible and pathetic".

Tom, I'm sure any kind of sex with you is just that, whether there's love or no love.

*shudder*

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (6)