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December 10, 2007

And Rot There, F*cker!

Robert Pickton guilty on 6 counts of second-degree murder

...he's been convicted now of six counts of second-degree murder and will get six mandatory life sentences....
Previous related entries:
Largest Trial In Canadian History
Pickton: The Pig Farming Pervert

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August 19, 2007

While I Was Away......

This has been quite an interesting week and also a sad week while I was away. The rescuers have yet to reach the trapped miners in Utah. Three rescuers died and another six were injured.

My prayers are with the families in Utah for both the trapped miners and the rescuers. I cannot imagine what they are experiencing. Only God knows if they are still alive, and if they are, for how much longer they can hold on - if at all. My heart breaks for all involved - what a sad, sad situation.

I read this week that the so-called Palestinians are once again trying to force more Christians out of Gaza. Several weeks ago you may recall that I wrote on how these thugs kidnapped a Christian woman and forced her to convert to Islam. I am sure they would have killed her had she not complied with their force and brutality.

On a very interesting note I was at the pharmacy today and met a Coptic Christian woman. Apparently she was subbing for today only at CVS as their pharmacist. She is originally from Egypt.

Those of you that read here frequently know I lived in Egypt for several years. During the course of our conversing, mostly in English, we talked about her hometown of Alexandria, Egypt, which I stayed in for several days on vacation while living in Egypt. It is a beautiful city on the Mediterranean Sea. The sunsets are a site to behold.

As the conversation progressed we touched on the fact that there have been many outbreaks of violence in Alexandria regarding the jailed Egyptian blogger, Kareem, whom I have written on in the past. She readily agreed that of late things were looking grim in her hometown and actually admitted to me that this is why she and so many others from her native country have come to America to live. That is saying a lot about the state of Egypt, its lack of freedom, and the danger that lurks causing Egyptians to flee their own country.

There is still more insanity continuing regarding illegal immigration. You know what? I am truly at a point where I just do not care anymore. The elected people on The HILL are not going to do anything about this problem - they do not care because they do not see it as affecting them - and it does not affect them. Unfortunately for us it is affecting our lives in the jobs we are hired for or lose - because you either speak Spanish or better learn, because you will be left behind.

Though this problem of illegals will not go away - we can ad least demand that if you are in this country have enough respect for the country that you broke in to and stole from to learn English.

As an American I find it disgustingly hypocritical that we bend over backwards to make sure the Hispanic/Latino populous is understood and can understand in their native tongue - yet forty years ago this would have been unheard of. In fact, in my fathers time, when he immigrated here to the United States he was told to learn English, he was required to take American History classes taught by ICE, and adapt to the American lifestyle. Also, he was told he must sign a contract agreeing to adhere to the afore mentioned.

Not today - not anymore. Now we all must learn Spanish, okay - I have no real problem with that - BUT - the Hispanic/Latino counterparts had better learn English. That is my final word on it.

At the weeks end and going into a new week I am wishing all my dear readers the best that life has to offer you and may God continue to bless each and every one of you. Thank you for reading The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns and thank you for continuing to grace me with your comments.


The following articles have trackbacked this article:
http://animus.mechanus.org/?p=60 [by Animus Ex Machina]

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August 11, 2007

“Fire in the hole”

If you have not heard about "fire in the hole" then let me explain it to you. This is an Internet fueled prank that teens are engaging in. Police are looking for the culprits in Westmoreland County Pennsylvania.

Basically this is a done via drive-through's at Subway, Wendy's, and other fast food chains. The teen orders their food, then when they proceed to the take-out window they throw a drink, sometimes laced with hot pepper, and throw the drink into the unsuspecting employee yelling "fire in the hole!"

Police in Westmoreland County say they're still looking for the people responsible for an Internet-fueled prank known as "fire in the hole."

Police say two more incidents have occurred, both at the Taco Bell in Norwin Hills shopping plaza, since a drive-through worker at a nearby Subway restaurant was targeted on July 31st.

The prank involves people who throw drinks at clerks who work at the drive-through windows, and yell "fire in the hole." Police say the pranks are usually recorded on camera phones or other devices and uploaded onto video-sharing sites like YouTube.

Police in North Huntingdon Township have not charged anyone in the attacks at this point.


Unfortunately YouTube is hosting these "Fire in the Hole" videos, which is causing much controversy and encouraging teens to participate in this reckless and cruel behavior.
More "fire-in-the-hole" attacks have been reported in North Huntingdon, police said.

The latest incident happened Tuesday at the drive-through of a Taco Bell in the Norwin Hills shopping center, according to police.

Police said there is video footage that shows a teenager ordering a soda, taking it from the fast-food worker, yelling "fire in the hole" and throwing it back in her face.


This report is from Pittsburgh's WTAE.TV/DT PITTSBURGH, Channel 4:

It is completely reprehensible that YouTube has no morals and standards by hosting such sick videos. Furthermore, our youth has become more depraved as time goes on because of not only what they are exposed to, but what parents are not doing - parenting their child - not in all cases, but many.

Though I am sure there are many good families and parents that do their best for their children - the sub-culture of corrupted youth is a huge influence on our children. This is not just your average one time prank.

As a matter of fact, this so-called prank is not funny in the least and has caused countless embarrassment and discomfort to the victims. What sort of mindset affords one to even think for one minute that this prank is funny?

I must say that I am finding less good in our youth and much wrong with the parents of many that have given up, because our society promotes immorality and living for the moment.

This is a no win situation for our young children, teens, and adults. It is time adults send a strong message that this not only will not be tolerated any longer, but that severe punishment will befall those that have no respect for the rule of the law.

This behavior is akin to lawlessness. It must be confronted and stopped. Contact your local youth groups and police departments and ask what you can do within your own community to reach out to the youth.

Not all parents have given up, but enough have or have not parented that we can see such a decline in teen behavior to the point it is merciless.

When a nation loses its youth to immorality - a nation falls - as is the U.S. slowly falling. These are sad days and we must all step up to the plate to help save our youth and our nation.

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August 08, 2007

Gay, Straight, and "Big Brother"

women


Listening to Fox News yesterday I was struck by a report and interview done by Julie Banderas. Banderas reported that many states, but just recently in Maine, a bill was passed that would hold parents completely responsible for their teens alcohol consumption. In particular, if the drinking was done in the teens home under parental knowledge, however, lack of that knowledge does not allow the parent off the hook.

I do not advocate teen drinking, but in all honesty I drank as a teen with my peers and I would venture to say most of us did. I realize there is always the exception, but for impact, I am not discussing the exception, but the average teen that will drink now and then.

I believe if any adult knowingly contributes to teen drinking, that yes, they should be held responsible. Having said that, if a teen sneaks into the parents liquor cabinet be it locked or unlocked without parental knowledge beforehand, then that parent should not be held liable. That is just wrong. Parents cannot be expected to know all things and be all places all the time. It is just physically and mentally impossible to do that and to expect such is ludicrous.

What I find most offensive about this bill is that it is "big brother" coming into your home and legislating once again how you should raise your child and the consequences thereof if you do not comply.

Even more troubling is the fact that in California schools, and many around the nation following their example allow sexual education and orientation to be taught.

Allow me to be clear on this matter. This article is not about bashing gays and lesbians, whom are good people, and many happen to be friends of mine. It is also not about sex. Sex is a wonderful and beautiful gift to humankind for all to enjoy.

My point is that "big brother" has no right trumping the wishes of parents not wanting their child to be exposed to sexual education and or sexual orientation regarding alternate lifestyles.

I am of the mind set of many, including many gays and lesbians, that sex education and the sexual orientation is something private that should be kept such. Most people do agree that it is the parents responsibility to educate their child regarding sex and sexuality - how they deem fit, not our schools.

Of course we all realize that parents have been overridden on this issue and many other issues such as child pornography. The Supreme Court ruled some years back that child pornography was within the guidelines of the Constitution and did not violate freedom of expression.

It behooves me to think how some laws do not protect our children or their innocence - yet other laws are passed that will penalize a parent if their child is caught drinking in their home and or if something were to happen as a direct result of that drinking.

In other words, "big brother" empowers parents to police their children when it comes to drinking. But when it comes to child safety - protecting a child from the exploitation of pornography - that all of a sudden becomes the right of the individual who takes such pictures - allowing them to do so under our Constitution.

Do you see the crap fed to us by "big brother?" Do you see the dichotomy of it all? It is absurd to think that in one breath parents should be held responsible for their teens drinking and in that same vein a parent has no rights and or input into what is being taught to their child in public schools - in particular sexual education and sexual orientation.

Beginning next week there will be a seven day tour that Banderas reported on where a preacher who is teaching teens in his church the evils of pornography - teams up with a pornography film maker to discuss the issue and its effects on our youth and society in general.

The thought behind the tour is that pornography is infiltrating our homes and schools at the rate fast food has hit our nation over the last forty years. There is no sanctity left in marriage, there is no respect for men and or women, their is no allure, no mystery, just raw - unadulterated pornography and it is corrupting our youth and our society. It has ruined many a lives and destroyed countless marriages.

I realize that reporting on these and other issues and singing to the choir do not make these issues go away and or necessarily change. But one thing is definitely so in this nation - should enough people polarize against an issue, any issue, then we see the shakers and movers jump up into action.

How long are we going to tolerate "big brother" coming into our homes and schools and telling us how we should and or should not be raising our children?

Since when could "morality" ever be legislated?

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August 04, 2007

Some things yo'mama didn't tell you

There are some things yo'mama didn't tell you. My mom didn't tell me much. Her mantra was, "you will find out when you grow up." I sure did!


  • 1) If anyone tells you that you can only work with or for people you like - that is a lie, a big one. You can, believe me! Earning money can help you overcome even the worst employer.

  • 2) If you have a choice never have a job. Yeah sure if you are Paris Hilton!

  • 3) Some people are toxic so avoid them. Hmmm. I guess by the time you figure out that they are toxic it will be too late!

  • What didn't yo'mama tell you?

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    June 25, 2007

    Would You Like A Slice Of Beer?

    Make mine with pepperoni, bacon, and pineapples.

    It seems a brewer in Chicago has created a special new drink, pizza beer.

    Yes, pizza-flavoured beer.

    His pizza beer started as a brewing experiment. He added tomatoes, oregano, garlic and basil to one batch and called the result Mamma Mia Pizza Beer.
    What's next? Nacho beer, chips and dip beer, Cheetoh's beer?

    Man, hockey season would be a blast with all that, eh.

    The only problem is that those beer guts will definitely be getting bigger if this becomes mainstream, that's for sure.

    Oh well, bring it on! I'll just work out harder in the off-season, lol.


    The following articles have trackbacked this article:
    Monday [by Conservative Cat]

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    June 18, 2007

    Canada's 'No Fly' List

    ... and what it means to me.

    That is, aside from providing me with a little more safety and security while flying.

    In case you haven't heard, Canada just came out with a new 'No Fly' list of names as an anti-terrorism strategy.

    CSIS and the RCMP have compiled the Canadian list, which is designed to keep terror suspects off commercial flights in this country.
    The criteria involved in the list seems alright, but it may mean I can no longer fly.

    I mean, just look at the checklist of criteria for whom cannot fly:

    1. A person who is or has been involved in a terrorist group,
    Oh great, already I'm in the hot seat with my anti-PETA organisation, PERV.
    2. A person who has been convicted of life-threatening crimes against aviation
    Does that Nerf dart that I shot up into the air count? It really hurt my friend when it came down and poked him in the forehead. Or, perhaps I'll get the boot as a result of that BB Gun I once shot at a bird.
    3. A person who has been convicted of one or more serious offences who may attack an air carrier
    No comment.

    Clearly, I'm not too concerned about my name being on the list, and I think the wackjobs who are freaking out about this new list are over-exaggerating (what's new)... or are possibly guilty.

    Heck, it's much better than any pre-9/11 plan we've had - which is NONE!

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    April 30, 2007

    Now That's What I Call A McHappy Meal!

    You know, I always took joy in getting a Happy Meal from McD's when I was a kid because the toys inside were so fun to get. But, now that I'm older, the thrill is gone.

    Or..., it was.

    It seems McD's is offering a new kind of satisfaction as some granny found a condom in her granddaughter's Happy Meal.

    I don't want to know what she did with it.

    Ew.

    Spokeswoman Joanna Redfern-Hardisty said because of its popularity, the previous happy meal gift had sold out at the outlet and prepackaged sports bags were substituted as children's gifts.
    I wonder if they then ran out of sports bags, so they replaced those with the scroat coats and love gloves.

    (I'm going to have to start eating McDonalds again)

    Na, I still can't stomach it.

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    April 27, 2007

    I Heart Animals

    Aw, they're so lovely and furry and snuggly and something-y.

    Blech!

    This is how much I love them....

    The cow: IT tastes great on a bun with ketchup and even great grilled and served with peppercorn sauce.

    The fish: it is great feeling the tug of IT, WHICH is on my hook as I reel IT into my boat. And, it is also wonderful gutting, cleaning, and frying IT up.

    The (fill-in-the-blank): ah, h*ll... they're all good.

    No, I haven't lost it. I'm just poking a little fun at PETA after they sent a complaint letter, telling journalists to stop referring to animals as "it" and "which".

    Apparently, they would prefer to be called "he", "she", and "who" ('cause animals are just so astute, eh).

    PETA dispatched a letter to Norm Goldstein, editor of The Associated Press Stylebook, suggesting that it is time to revise the book’s language guidelines—which currently characterize animals as inanimate objects—and bring the references in line with 21st century attitudes.
    Ya, animals have feelings too, you know.

    Morons.

    They're dinner. Plain and simple. Dinner.

    Check out Malkin's article for more, and if you love eating chicken or just plain old hate PETA and all those wackos, head on over to the KFC Cruelty site and poke a little fun at PETA with the sign generator.

    Here's mine:

    To learn more about PERV, here are the previous PERV posts.

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    March 22, 2007

    Is That An Anaconda In Your Toilet, Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

    Thankfully, I can say that I wouldn't have won $25,000 from this contest since I've never had a "clog story".

    It seems the Scott toilet paper company hosted a contest recently to share some worst toilet clog story.

    The winner was Jim Holeva and you can read his story and others' here: Share your cloggiest moment.

    Here's just a sampling of the weird stories sent in:

    "An elderly woman confesses to a flight attendant that she dropped her teeth in the toilet, then emerges from the bathroom with a blue grin."
    Well, who needs to wash them off... toilets are clean, right?
    "A bridesmaid sneakily tries on the bride’s gown, only to flush the train down the toilet, leaving the dress soaked and stained in blue chemical."
    Two words: Dead Meat!
    A young woman clogs the toilet, slips on the overflowing water and bumps her head moments before her first date arrives.
    Let me guess, no second date.

    So, do you have any worst clog stories to share? That is, if it's not too embarrassing for you, lol.

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    December 28, 2006

    I'm Ashamed To Report This Revisited

    There may be another unsightly trend on the rise as a company is trying to cure baby baldness by bringing out a line of wigs for infants.

    How pitiful does one have to be...?

    "At BabyToupee, we don't take ourselves or our products too seriously. In fact, BabyToupees are just the first of many fun products designed to give that special baby a little extra personality and to ensure that parents retain theirs... along with a sense of humour."
    Ya, who wants to bet that celebrities won't be seeing this as a joke, but instead, a new trendy statement that will do nothing, but embarrass their kids and provide them with a reason to seek therapy later in their lives?

    Here's the twisted site: BabyToupee.

    And, I thought most people loved to see cute little babies with peach fuzz heads.

    Man, that is so tacky.

    Previous/Related: Dog F*cking Wigs

    PLEASE CONSIDER THIS AN OPEN THREAD.

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    December 20, 2006

    What A Proud Moment

    Well, we all have reason to cheer today as the Mustang Ranch whorehouse gets to keep its name.

    The infamous Mustang Ranch brothel has been cleared to operate under its famous name, 18 months after it reopened for business at a new location.

    A federal judge ruled that the exclusive owner of the Mustang Ranch trademark is Lance Gilman, who bought the gaudy pink stucco buildings that once housed the bordello in 2003 and moved them a short distance next to his Wild Horse Adult Resort & Spa east of Reno.

    U.S. District Judge Edward Reed Jr.'s decision Friday went against rival brothel owners David and Ingrid Burgess, who sued Gilman over the trademark to the best-known little whorehouse in the West in January 2004.

    Apparently, the whole thing began after the government put up the brothel for auction on eBay, which was seized from David Burgess's uncle-in-law, Joe Conforte:
    In his ruling, Reed said Gilman assumed ownership of the trademark to the state's first legal brothel when he bought the buildings on eBay from the government for $145,000 in 2003.

    The government seized the Mustang Ranch in 1999 after guilty verdicts against its parent companies and manager in a federal fraud and racketeering trial.

    So, it sounds like the most famous little whorehouse in the world remains alive, but in a new Reno location.

    I guess that means now, you can get screwed at the slots and with the sluts in Reno.

    Ya, like you couldn't before, lol.

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    December 19, 2006

    I'm Shopping At Macy's

    Okay, we don't have one here, but I'd like to shop there after this story.

    Group says "fake" fur on coat at Macy's is real

    The Humane Society of the United States said a $237.99 Sean John Hooded Snorkel Jacket for sale on Macy's Web site was described as having an "imitation rabbit fur collar."

    But the group said when it purchased the coat, the label read "Made in China" and "genuine raccoon fur." The group said it is testing the fur to see if it is from a raccoon dog, a type of dog raised in China whose fur resembles that of a raccoon.

    I don't know how one confuses raccoon dog fur with fake rabbit, but I suppose it's possible.

    And, who cares, really.

    I just hope the dogs were put to good use and enjoyed as a hearty dinner afterwards.

    No, I'm not one to eat dogs, seeing as I like them as pets and all, but if people eat them, then that's their prerogative.

    The Humane Society also told Macy's to stop selling furs altogether, which I consider completely moronic. Who cares if I want to wear fake fur.

    Frick, it's not even made with animals (not that I'd care), so they can just back the heck off.

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    Saving Face

    It seems that the publisher of the OJ Simpson book, If I Did It got a Christmas canning.

    Popular publisher, Judith Regan bit the big one with HarperCollins after she went ahead with that ludicrous Simpson book.

    Just what does media giant Rupert Murdoch get his top book publisher, Judith Regan, for Christmas?

    Apparently, a permanent vacation.

    Regan, who recently made headlines for planning, then pulling, O.J. Simpson's quasi-confession, "If I Did It," was fired Friday by HarperCollins, a subsidiary of Murdoch's News Corp. Word broke during the company's holiday party.

    And, I'd have to say, well deserved.

    I'm sure Murdoch et. al. have had a lot of guff over the book from the families affected, as well as from the public. So, Regan's Christmas canning was likely just a slight little payback.

    Merry F*#@ing Christmas!

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    December 15, 2006

    Sexual Harrassment... 4 Year Old

    You know society's taken a turn for the worse when you read this bit of news: 4 -year-old Accused of Improperly Touching Teacher.

    Thanks goes to Committees of Correspondence for sending this story my way.

    A four-year-old hugged his teachers aide and was put into in-school suspension, according to the father. But La Vega school administrators have a different story.

    Damarcus Blackwell's four-year-old son was lining-up to get on the bus after school last month, when he was accused of rubbing his face in the chest of a female employee.

    The prinicipal of La Vega Primary School sent a letter to the Blackwells that said the pre-kindergartener demonstrated "inappropriate physical behavior interpreted as sexual contact and/or sexual harassment."

    The parent, for good reason, fought to get the accusation off the child's record and for the aide to apologise for the accusation.

    Unfortunately, the administration refuses to follow Blackwell's request:

    Blackwell got a response from the La Vega administration. The sexual references on the discipline referral were removed. But the thing that makes Blackwell most upset is they told him "your request for an apology by the aide and removal of all paperwork regarding this incident is denied." Now the young student's file will refer to the incident as "inappropriate physical contact." And Blackwell says he will continue to fight the district.
    Nice.

    Does this mean I can file a report on the 7 year old here for grabbing my boobs on occasion?

    Seriously, people, it's called "curiosity".

    CU-RI-OS-I-TY

    ... not sexual harrassment!

    The only thing children are doing is exploring the world around them to learn about it, and it is our job as adults to teach them what they can and cannot do - WE DON'T REPORT THEM; WE TEACH THEM!

    Boys don't have boobs - they are curious and want to know what those things are.

    A 4 year old IS NOT a sexual predator!

    F*cking stupid liberalistic PC bullsh*t is all it is.

    As Committees of Correspondence questioned, "maybe Liberals will breed themselves out of the gene pool?"

    And, I want to know when this political correctness garbage will peak and go on the decline. I'm getting sick of it.

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    December 13, 2006

    Double Life As A Dipsh*t

    I thought everyone knew that you should never start out a relationship on a lie, let alone two lies.

    But, I guess this chick didn't get the memo since she got caught in her double life lying:

    A married woman stole items worth tens of thousands of dollars in a string of burglaries to make her boyfriend think she had a high-paying job, authorities said.

    "She told her boyfriend in Coffee County that she had a high-paying job, so all these crimes were committed in trying to keep up with the lie she told him," Warren County Sheriff's Department Capt. Tommy Myers said.

    "When we told her boyfriend about what had happened, he was shocked. He was even more shocked to find out she is still married," he said.

    Geez, some people will go to any extreme for a little adultery, eh.

    Too bad she didn't think to tell her "boyfriend" that she lost her job or quit or something, rather than resorting to robbery to support her high-paying job story.

    This one's dumb all around.

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    December 12, 2006

    What A Time Of Year For This To Happen

    santa chimney
    Some dude wasn't exactly thinking straight when he decided to climb into his chimney.

    I don't know, maybe he was trying to revive the good ol' days of chimney sweeps, or perhaps he was practising to be Santa.

    A man who was locked out of his house in this Denver suburb tried to get in by sliding down the chimney early Friday, but he got stuck and had to be rescued, authorities said.

    The man, whose name wasn't released, fell about 12 feet down the shaft. Authorities said he was hurt but did not elaborate on the nature and extent of his injuries.

    I'm sure the main thing bruised was his ego.

    I want to know what possesses people to do peculiar things like that.

    I mean, wouldn't you think it more intelligent to break a window rather than risk getting stuck in a chimney (and, who knows what else could have gone wrong by attempting the chimney thing - bats, chimney collapsing, etc.)?

    Duh.

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    December 07, 2006

    Will Your Boss Be On The Naughty List This Christmas?

    Perhaps this should go out as an anonymous email to all bosses out there.

    Most Bosses To Buy Holiday Gifts For Workers

    According to a new survey, 56 percent of managers will be spreading holiday cheer around the office this year by giving presents to their employees.

    The recent survey by CareerBuilder.com and ShopLocal said that one-third of bosses who will purchase gifts plan to spend $10 or less per staff member; bosses expect to spend more than $25 and nearly one in 10 expect to spend more than $50.

    You hear that, MR.BIG?

    Don't be a cheap b*st*rd this year!

    Lol, kidding, of course.

    There are also tips at that site for gift-giving in the office, if you require the help.

    Here's another "tip" you can add to that: after buying the goodies, send it all to Sam.

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    More Wacky Canucks (As If There Aren't Enough Of Us)

    Some people are taking nude protesting to a hole new level.

    And, yes, I meant "hole".

    Residents of a small Canadian town are fed up and they are getting naked to prove it.

    People in Leader, Saskatchewan, are sick of the lousy state of their main road. In an effort to showcase their frustration to the world, residents posed in the buff with something all too familiar to their town: potholes.

    The pictures are part of a special calendar designed to alert people to the plight of Leader's highway, Reuters reported.

    Twelve local businesspeople posed in various positions for the calendar, revealing their birthday suits alongside some of their favorite potholes.

    So, what the heck possessed people to think, "gee, I'd really like to get rid of these darn potholes. Hmmm... how can I do that? I know, make a nude calendar."

    What kind of mind links the two, lol?

    Thanks again, Jim, for sending this piece of news.

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    December 06, 2006

    Oh, He's A Retard Alright

    Mental Patient
    They may say he isn't, but he sure is... and so is his mother.
    Man Accused of Faking Retardation

    For nearly 20 years -- ever since Pete Costello was 8 -- his mother has collected disability benefits on his behalf. In meetings with Social Security officials and psychologists, he appeared mentally retarded and unable to communicate. His mother insisted he couldn't read or write, shower, take care of himself or drive a car.

    But now prosecutors say it was all a huge fraud, and they have video of Costello contesting a traffic ticket to prove it.

    I'm sure this isn't the first case like this, but it's pathetic nonetheless.

    They say the mother also collected for her daughter, who she claimed also had mental retardation. That's a total of $222,000 over the course of their upbringing; but, they will unlikely be able to get that money back as it is too difficult to prove past events.

    I say let them keep the money. They definitely were mental for pulling sh*t like that, lol.

    Throw 'em all in jail... better yet, the nuthouse.

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    November 30, 2006

    Excuses, Excuses

    As a live-in nanny, short of actually being sick, I really have no excuses I can use to get out of work.

    Kinda hard to tell my boss, MR.BIG (also my techie for those unaware), that a raging bull is setting to charge outside my suite door and I can't get out to work.

    But, for those who can use various reasons to ditch work, here is a list of the weirdest stories I've heard in a while:

    1) Employee was poisoned by his mother-in-law.
    2) A buffalo escaped from the game reserve and kept charging the employee every time she tried to go to her car from her house.
    3) Employee was feeling all the symptoms of his expecting wife.
    4) Employee called from his cell phone, said he was accidentally locked in a restroom stall and no one was around to let him out.
    5) Employee broke his leg snowboarding off his roof while drunk.
    6) Employee's wife said he couldn't come into work because he had a lot of chores to do around the house.
    7) One of the walls in the employee's home fell off the night before.
    8) Employee's mother was in jail.
    9) A skunk got into the employee's house and sprayed all of his uniforms.
    10) Employee had bad hiccups.
    11) Employee blew his nose so hard, his back went out.
    12) Employee's horses got loose and were running down the highway.
    13) Employee was hit by a bus while walking.
    14) Employee's dog swallowed her bus pass.
    15) Employee was sad.
    I think for some of those, the people were asking to get fired.

    I guess I could actually use #5 with all the snow we have here right now.

    Lol.

    So, have you ever given a bizarre reason for skipping out?

    Let us hear it.

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    November 29, 2006

    More Of Those Aging Breasts?

    Janet Jackson superbowl
    I just saw the commercial for the 2006 Billboard Music Awards and got a mini laugh out of it.

    Apparently, they're trying to sell the show based on the fact that Janet Jackson will be performing live on it.

    They're saying something like, "you never know what's going to happen", referring, of course, to her breast exposure at that football game.

    Well, I've got something to say about that...

    Whoopy.

    We've already seen it. We can see it right now. Again and again.

    It's been done. She's old news.

    And, I mean old.

    The only way it could be topped is with full nudity, and that's something I don't think anyone should be subjected to.

    Oh ya, and don't give me that bologna that it was an accident. Nobody puts on pasties without planning to expose them.

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    November 28, 2006

    PETA Naivity

    I mean nativity.

    Hat Tip: 123beta for this news about preposterous PETA .

    It seems PETA did something stupid recently - surprise, surprise - as they've mistakenly targeted an Alaska church nativity scene.

    The Rev. Jason Armstrong was confused by an e-mail this week from PETA, which admonished him for subjecting animals "to cruel treatment and danger," by forcing them into roles in the church's annual manger scene.

    "We've never had live animals, so I just figured this was some spam thing," Armstrong said. "It's rough enough on us people standing out there in the cold. So we're definitely not using animals."

    Jackie Vergerio, PETA's captive animals in entertainment specialist, said her organization tracks churches nationwide that use real animals in "living nativity scenes."

    A PETA spokesperson whined about how real nativity animals are often mistreated, slaughtered, and some end up getting loose and hit by cars.

    I say, mmm... roadkill, gurgle.

    Shut the f*ck up PETA. Meat is here on this planet to eat, and if you don't like it, eat your d*mn veggies and shut up.

    (ignore the fact that I just said that while being the PERV President)

    But, leave it to PETA to confuse people dressed as manger animals for real animals.

    Duh.

    They're probably just thanking their lucky stars that they didn't blow up the church without substantial proof of some "violation" (na, I'm sure those ignoramuses don't care either way).

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    November 22, 2006

    Does That Mean George Lucas Is Their God?

    Apparently, there are some really nerdy people out there - perhaps as nerdy as Trekkies.

    Sad, but true.

    These people are Star Wars fanatics who want their beliefs to be acknowledged as a religion by the UN.

    The Religion of Star Wars:

    They also want today's International Day for Tolerance renamed Interstellar Day of Tolerance.

    Umada and Yunyun said: "For the last ten years the United Nations has marked the International Day of Tolerance. While we support this important work, we feel the UN needs to move with the times.

    "Like the UN, the Jedi Knights are peacekeepers and we feel we have the basic right to express our religion through wearing our robes, and to be recognised by the national and international community.

    You know, as lame as that is, if it came down to two choices, I'd believe in Star Wars before I believed in Scientology.

    Lol.

    The "religion" has two names: it can be called either Star Wars or Jedi Knight.

    But, I think they should just lump all movie- and tv-based religions into one category and call them all the religion of the nerds. I mean, there have to be some dorks out there who have pulled religious Star Trek values out of their a$$, right?

    And, there's also the worship of Matrixism.

    Okay, you can stop rolling your eyes now.

    But, if you want to see how other religions compare to the Star Wars religion, check out this article: The Force Is With...Everyone

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    Greenpeace South Park

    Those are words I never thought I'd see together.

    It looks like greenpeace is up to their usual shenanigans as they introduce a Blame Canada video.

    The goal of this fraudulent South Park story is to brainwash the youth into thinking trawling in Canada and Spain is wrong.

    They've taken on Mel Gibson, Saddam Hussein, Satan and Jesus.

    Now the potty-mouthed kids from South Park are featured in an online advertisement - and their target is the Canadian government and its opposition to a ban on bottom trawling on the high seas. Greenpeace posted a video spoof online starring Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman, who slam Canada's stance on deep-sea dragging just as a six-day round of talks on sustainable fisheries began at the United Nations.

    I'd be so p*ssed if I was Trey Parker or Matt Stone.

    I mean, I'm pretty certain that they aren't exactly the biggest fans of enviro-weenies. I'm kinda crossing my fingers that they retaliate in a most humourous way.

    Kids, if you're reading this, Greenpeace blows... but hopefully you already knew that.

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    November 16, 2006

    I Need To Go Back To University; And, I Think I've Found A Way To Pay For It

    Here's another reason why gaining a professorship is good, and perhaps another reason why I should head back to school for my Ph.D.

    Professors win right to toke up at work

    The use of medical marijuana has given two Toronto professors the right to something that many students could only dream of – access to specially ventilated rooms where they can indulge in peace.

    The two, at the esteemed University of Toronto and at York University to the north of the city, suffer from chronic medical conditions that some doctors say can be eased by smoking marijuana. They are among nearly 1500 Canadians who have won the right to use the drug for health reasons.

    *Cough, cough* yaaa, yaaa, I have a "medical condition", too.

    *cough*

    Leave it to us good ol' Canadians to find a way to make drug possession legal in school.

    I'm just shocked it didn't happen here in BC (British Columbia: pot capital of the world).

    And, in other news, I think I may have found a way to pay for my education....

    It looks like things will be getting up, I mean looking up for some men out there since lap dances are legal again in Seattle.

    The rules, which were struck down by last week's vote, included a requirement that strippers stay at least 4 feet away from customers.
    I wonder if Seattle is populated by men mostly.

    I mean, I'm sure not too many women would care enough to support lap dancing. Well, the strippers would, but I highly doubt other women would care too much.

    Oh, and me. I's gotta pay for muh lurnin' somehow.

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    November 15, 2006

    Krazy KFC Rebranding Strategy

    Eat your heart out PETA, KFC isn't going away anytime soon. In fact, quite the opposite as just yesterday, Colonel Sanders got a makeover.

    It wasn't much of a makeover, they just added a red apron to the image, and I think the new image is slightly dorky with that apron, but it's enough to make me happy knowing that it's probably killing PETA right about now.

    I'm sure they're plotting their next strategy as we speak, trying to incorporate a red apron into their lame protests.

    And, it seems KFC is taking things a step further by ensuring they'll be the fast food of choice for alien life forms: KFC Advertises To Extraterrestrials

    The KFC Corp. on Tuesday launched a rebranding campaign with an 87,500 square-foot image of Colonel Sanders in the Nevada desert which the company says makes Kentucky Fried Chicken the world's first brand visible from space.

    "If there are extraterrestrials in outer space, KFC wants to become their restaurant of choice," KFC President Gregg Dedrick said in a statement.[more]

    They may be "cuckoo for cocoa puffs", but their chicken's great and they p*ss off PETA.

    What more do we need?

    UPDATE: Committees of Correspondence has more on the topic in his article, The Great Brand Space Race. I wonder how McDonald's plans to top that, too.

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    November 09, 2006

    It Was Concealed Alright

    Well, when you're naked and the police are after you, you've got to hide your weapon somewhere.

    Naked man arrested after pulling awl from rectum

    Passers-by called officers about 7:50 a.m. to report that a naked man was lying on a tree stump beside the Ohlone Greenway path, exposing himself and masturbating.

    Police saw 33-year-old John Sheehan and arrested him on suspicion of indecent exposure.

    Officers led him to the nearest street, the 2000 block of Kearney Avenue. Before putting Sheehan in the back of his car, Sgt. Paul Keith asked him if he had anything on him that police should know about.

    Sheehan replied that he had hidden a screwdriver in his anal cavity, Horgan said.

    Those wacky Sheehans.

    That's at least two of them now, that I know of, who have something stuck up their a$$.

    I suspect that this guy was not mentally disturbed until Cindy came along. Nowadays, he's probably just plain old mortified that he shares the same last name.

    Poor fella.

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    November 08, 2006

    Bellydancing Librarian's Club

    Enough said.

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    November 07, 2006

    Another Halloween Hanging

    This has got to be the creepiest haunted house ever.

    It seems some teen "punks" wandered into a construction house and came across the Halloween hanging:

    When the teens entered the home, they saw what looked like bags hanging from the rafters in the unfinished basement, they shot some BB guns and threw chunks of lumber at it, according to the sheriff's department.

    Then they left and came back with a flashlight to discover it was the body of a man hanging from the rafters.
    I hope this isn't going to turn into some yearly ritual for nuts, or something.

    Halloween is creepy enough for some without having to encounter real dead bodies.

    Last year, it was a woman dangling in a tree and this year, a guy hanging from the rafters.

    I just wonder if the latest incident was enough to scare those kids straight.

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    November 01, 2006

    Extinguishing Sexism

    It seems underwear wasn't mandatory for our firefighters here before now:

    A Canadian city under pressure for alleged sexual harassment within its fire department has ordered firefighters to wear only boxer-style underwear.

    Richmond, British Columbia will spend C$16,000 ($14,200) to buy six pairs of underwear for each firefighter in a bid to make firehalls in the suburb of Vancouver more gender neutral, a newspaper reported on Tuesday.

    Seeing as I live in close proximity to the firehalls in question, I volunteer myself to be chief underwear inspector.

    Somebody's gotta do it.

    And, seeing how this is one of the very few times that I can expose a little male booty for my readers out there, here's the 2006 Firefighter's calendar.

    And, here are the ones for next year:

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    October 25, 2006

    Material Seduction

    Many of us know about that saying, "the one with the most toys wins", but it's a little ridiculous when those material "toys" become panties and mannequins.

    It seems some twisted 23 year old elected to steal women's underwear from dorms.

    "Police said that Pascal Lucas, who is an accountant, was arrested on Saturday after being caught breaking into an apartment.

    A Marquette graduate, Lucas allegedly had lived in the building and had possession a master key, which is how authorities think he gained access to the apartments, WISC-TV reported.

    Officers said that they searched Lucas' home and found plastic bags full of stolen panties all sorted by apartment number."

    I think the dude was just honouring the true meaning of 'panty raid'. And, what's with labeling which apartments they came from?

    Was his next step to stalk those women based on their underwear size and proximity, or something?

    What I find most odd about this is that it's normal. Panty fetishism is apparently pretty common. Perhaps someone reading this may be sniffing or wearing women's panties at this very moment.

    But, what's more disturbing than that 23 year old with his panty thefts is the sock fetish.

    Now that's a foul fetish.

    I just hope it's not a fetish for dirty socks.

    Ew.

    And, in other funky fixations, it seems some weirdo keeps getting busted for stealing mannequins.

    "Dotson had been out of prison for less than a week when he was caught. His erotic pursuit of mannequins over the past 13 years has led to at least six convictions for breaking and entering and a stint in prison, police said.

    "He told his parole officer he was going to buy a mannequin so he didn't have to do these break-ins anymore," said Detective Brendan Moore said. "Apparently that didn't work out."

    What he does with them afterwards, I don't want to know.

    Cross posted at 123beta's place.


    The following articles have trackbacked this article:
    Material Seduction [by 123beta]

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    October 24, 2006

    Whips, Chains, And Squeegees

    Thanks once more goes to Shock and Blog for this enticing news.

    Apparently, one Canadian university is heating up for winter with a sex education course:

    An undergraduate program at Canada's august University of Toronto offers discussions on flogging, restraint, and role-play, as well as an arts course called "Queerly Canadian." But teachers and students insist it's a serious academic program that isn't simply about sex.

    "We'll talk about whips and chains in a political, social, cultural, religious context of sexuality and how that sexuality affects those institutions."

    Lol, "sexy sex sex".

    I guess us Canadians are just trying to raise our sex quota for the year seeing as we 'went down' pretty low compared to other countries a few years ago.

    Darn it, now where am I going to get the money to go back to school?

    Heck, I've got a feeling I'd make for a good prof. of that course. Forget spending the money on the course, I should be getting paid to teach it.

    Although... I'm not an expert. I still have plenty of room for learning.

    Ya, I don't think I should teach it; I'd probably skip all that sociological mumbo-jumbo and move right into the kinky, perverse stuff. Get right to the meat of the discussions.

    But, what I don't get is why they keep saying, "it's not what you think it is".

    I mean, we all know academia is dry and asexual inside the classrooms, no matter what the topic at hand is, but what would be so wrong about teaching adult sex education at universities?

    I know a lot of people out there who could use a course like that... unfortunately.

    You know what, I bet if they made prostitution and other sex trades legal, they could get away with teaching an adult sex ed. course.

    Heck, you could probably earn a degree as a professional sexual deviant.

    Then, I could really sign my name...

    Dr. Samantha Burns, ph.d.
    Professor of Doing The Nasty