The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns

Interesting title with an interesting view - mine, on what life will be like beyond President George W. Bush. Indulge me a tad and forgive the fact please, that I am going to give you pure LaylaElizabethology - but it is good to hear new views - even the ones we may not agree with.

Today I took a cab with my husband to his doctor’s office. Our cabby decided to stay and wait for us. The fellow was friendly and engaging - he was also a conspiracy theory believer, but then why not? He is a Washingtonian so it just comes natural for them to have such far fetched views.

Listening to him on the way to the pharmacy as we drove down the Beltway it occurred to me that this was really a very nice man - a good man - someone I would be glad and proud to call my neighbor.

Lightening struck me at that moment as I was thunderstruck by the realization that other than name calling and hate mongering between the left and right, though so antiquated and outdated as it is referred to still as such-we just are truly not so different.

We all want the same things at the end of the day - believe it or not. Our cabby sounded like you or me. He wanted to be safe and wished to not have to worry about our next inevitable terror attack. That perhaps through Homeland Security and our diligence as responsible citizens we might thwart a would be attack - just as was done recently in the United Kingdom.

What was striking however, is the disdain for Bush. Sadly after seven years of Bush I could relate to how he was feeling because I also felt some of that disdain - on a much smaller scale - but still disdain nonetheless. Bush let so many people down.

It is sad that when the world looks to the United States these days it perceives us as the fore brooding spirit. Unlike Bush’s predecessor Ronald Reagan, Bush does not bring light to the darkness or positives to the negatives. Instead of being a beacon of light for the American people as Reagan once was - Bush has all but become a dying ember.

Looking beyond Bush I am not sure what I envision. I am not ready for a Democrat to replace a Republican - even a failing Republican at that. The Democratic version of the war on terror is more like the soap opera, “Days of Our Lives” - you won’t know one day from the next - the days just run all together. That blur and lack of vision is scary, and rightly so. No one should settle for less than some 60% vision and 40% honesty. The two combined would be even better, but even this is appearing to be far in the distance.

Truly I envision an end within the next three years to the ongoing Iraq debacle. I was for the war on terror - I am still for the war on terror, but I can no longer support fighting in Iraq when the government there is doing so little to help itself. The Iraqi’s themselves are not respecting our troops and continue trading in the troops to al-Qaeda the way the West trades in its cattle.

I said recently that this is the right war, but in the wrong place. A reader asked me what would have been the right place? Honestly, I can say Afghanistan - beyond that I lose sight of the Iraq the President envisioned and elaborated upon to the American people. It does not exist and may never come into fruition. I am not saying Bush lied - but I do say he just did not tell the whole truth.

Time will tell us in the coming years how President Bush is judged by history. As for right now - I am really looking forward to beyond Bush - there must be light at the end of this tunnel for the American peoples sake.

Yes, beyond Bush, I like that.

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Posted by Layla Elizabeth at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Ding dong the witch is back and this time she is decrying about impeachment of President Bush and her promise to run against House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

Does this deranged woman really believe anyone would vote for her? Of course she does in the sick mind she lives in. I would feel sorry for her if it were not for the very clear and present fact that she has disgraced her son Casey who chose to go into the military and chose to go to Iraq. I am sorry Casey died. No mother should ever lose a son or daughter, but not all mothers or fathers act like that witch.

Every word that proceeds out of her mouth is like cyanide. Her words poison and how thinking people continue to believe the warped rhetoric spewed from her potty mouth is beyond comprehension. Well, lets just say it is beyond the comprehension of any thinking and reasonable person.

You hate the war in Iraq, you hate the president, you even like Nancy Pelosi...I can live with that, but I cannot continue to live with the likes of the moronically insane Cindy Sheehan's of this world.

Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan on Monday moved another step - actually several thousand of them - toward carrying out her promise to run against House Speaker Nancy Pelosi because the California Democrat won't consider impeachment proceedings against President Bush.

Sheehan and about 200 other war protesters began walking from Arlington National Cemetery to the Capitol Hill office of Rep. John Conyers, chairman of the House Judiciary Committee, where any impeachment proceedings would begin. Sheehan said she would ask Conyers to initiate impeachment proceedings against both Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.

"Impeachment is not a fringe movement, it is mandated in our Constitution; Nancy Pelosi had no authority to take it off the table, " Sheehan told her group of orange-clad activists Monday. "If Nancy Pelosi doesn't do her constitutionally mandated job by midnight ... I will announce that I'm going to run against her."

Across the street, about 20 people demonstrated against Sheehan and the other anti-war protesters.

Sheenhan, whose 24-year-old son Casey was killed in Iraq, has been saying for two weeks that she would seek to oust Pelosi from office by running against her as an independent in her San Francisco district if Pelosi didn't change her mind by July 23 on trying to impeach Bush.

Conyers, D-Mich., introduced a bill last term calling on Congress to determine whether there are grounds for impeaching Bush. Pelosi has steadfastly dismissed any talk of impeachment, saying Democrats should focus their efforts on ending the war in Iraq. (Source)

Tell me did I die and go to "moonbat heaven?"

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Posted by Layla Elizabeth at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

There has been a lot of news insanity of late. Hillary is ticked because the Pentagon did not stop, drop, and roll when she wanted classified information regarding an Iraq pullout. Then there are all the unending polls - Hillary tops Obama, and Edwards. Of course then you must know that Giuliani tops McCain, Thompson, and Romney. The lovely polls that are wrong half the time have the election won by Hillary beating out Giuliani in 2008.

Wouldn't it be nice if the media did not know something - just once? But the media knows it all and Fox News has become the biggest culprit all the while claiming exemption because they are "fair and balanced." So much for fair and balanced, I mean if you are fair and balanced that means - that says - you are capitulating with the enemies of western civilization.

There is no longer one media outlet that can be completely trusted and Fox News has blown the trust of many Americans. How many more blond haired - blue eyed bimbos report to us our news before we ask are they all cloned?

Via Media Bias Basics:

The Liberal Media Exposed (PDF Report): Formatted, easy-to-print pages detailing the key results of nearly two dozen surveys about media bias. The report also includes quotes from top journalists denying a liberal media bias, plus comments from journalists acknowledging the problem. Updated May 2007.

How the Media Vote. Surveys of journalists’ self-reported voting habits show them backing the Democratic candidate in every presidential election since 1964, including landslide losers George McGovern, Walter Mondale and Michael Dukakis. In 2004, a poll conducted by the University of Connecticut found journalists backed John Kerry over George W. Bush by a greater than two-to-one margin. See Section.

Journalists’ Political Views. Compared to their audiences, journalists are far more likely to say they are Democrats or liberals, and they espouse liberal positions on a wide variety of issues. A 2004 poll by the Pew Research Center for The People & The Press found five times more journalists described themselves as “liberal” as said they were “conservative.” See Section.

How the Public Views the Media. In increasing numbers, the viewing audiences recognize the media’s liberal tilt. Gallup polls have consistently found that three times as many see the media as “too liberal” as see a media that is “too conservative.” A 2005 survey conducted for the American Journalism Review found nearly two-thirds of the public disagreed with the statement, “The news media try to report the news without bias,” and 42 percent of adults disagreed strongly. See Section.

Admissions of Liberal Bias. A number of journalists have admitted that the majority of their brethren approach the news from a liberal angle. During the 2004 presidential campaign, for example, Newsweek’s Evan Thomas predicted that sympathetic media coverage would boost Kerry’s vote by “maybe 15 points,” which he later revised to five points. In 2005, ex-CBS News President Van Gordon Sauter confessed he stopped watching his old network: “The unremitting liberal orientation finally became too much for me.” See Section

Denials of Liberal Bias. Many journalists continue to deny the liberal bias that taints their profession. During the height of CBS’s forged memo scandal during the 2004 campaign, Dan Rather insisted that the problem wasn’t his bias, it was his anybody who criticized him. “People who are so passionately partisan politically or ideologically committed basically say, ‘Because he won’t report it our way, we’re going to hang something bad around his neck and choke him with it, check him out of existence if we can, if not make him feel great pain,’” Rather told USA Today in September 2004. “They know that I’m fiercely independent and that’s what drives them up a wall.” See Section.

Evidence of Bias in News Coverage. The Media Research Center continuously reports on instances of the liberal bias in the mainstream media. Daily CyberAlerts offer a regular roundup of the latest instances of biased reporting, while our NewsBusters blog allows Web users to post their own reactions. Media Reality Check fax reports showcase important stories that the news media have distorted or ignored, and several times each year the MRC publishes Special Reports offering in-depth documentation of the media’s bias on specific issues.

The insanity marches on.

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Posted by Layla Elizabeth at 07:42 PM | Permalink

And, it seems that "someone's" been cleaning house lately as we say good riddance, I mean goodbye to some horrendous morons.

First, we saw moron #13 (how fitting), Saddam Hussein, dangling to his death on December 30th, 2006 for his gruesome acts against humanity.

Already 2007 started looking like a Happy New Year!

Then, there was the loss of moron #12, Anna Nicole Smith, who bit the big one with her pill OD.

Gee, we didn't see that one coming a mile away.

The third moron to go was #17, Paris Hilton, as she FINALLY lands herself in jail for drinking and driving. Hopefully we won't be seeing that numbskull for a while.

And, we can honestly say that society's really teaching our young ones the difference between right and wrong; that is, after they get off the hook time and time again for a crime because the cops can be paid off or simply just don't do their job properly (yes, I'm generalising).

Next, there was the sigh of relief as moron #61, Rosie O'Donnell, left the daytime talk show, The View.

Thank goodness we don't have to see that hideous face on the tv screen again for, at least, a while.

And, now, Woo Hoo, departure of all departures, CINDY "THE ULTIMATE MORON" SHEEHAN says goodbye to whining and b*tching for profit due to the death of her son.

Good riddance, Sheehan. I hope you mean it!

It's just unfortunate that you've tainted some good acreage in Crawford, Texas with your cr*p. I'm sure now nothing will be able to grow there again for centuries.

Here's to hoping 2007 says adieu to more sniveling weenies.

*clink*

And don't come back!

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

A friend of mine, Jim, recently emailed me, recognising Victoria Day, and asked what it was all about. So, I thought I'd publish a little of my response in case any of you are wondering what it is at this point.

Basically, Victoria Day is the day we use to celebrate Queen Victoria's birthday, as well as whoever is the present day queen or king (ie. Queen Elizabeth II's 'official' birthday is today, but it's not her actual birthday).

More than anything, it's a good excuse to have a day off from work, lol.

It's also called May long weekend, which is our first warm long weekend after a long and cold winter, so we get out there and hit the beaches, travel, go camping, etc.

It's also a great time for cops to hand out speeding tickets, lol (to fulfill their quota).

So, that's a little about Canuckland.

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Posted by Samantha at 06:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I saw a commercial about that game show coming to Canada, and thought I'd share the new prize board with you all.

Go for the 'big money' - a Year of Beer!

By the way, what's with Howie Mandel's little fist handshake thing, also known as 'The Touch', aka 'Knucks', aka The Fist Bump, and who knows what else it's called.

Does he have some phobia about shaking people's hands or something? (Probably, I mean, doesn't half of Hollyweird have some bizarre hang up?)

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

I know I've been a little slack on the blogging, and so has Butch at 123beta, but I never thought anyone would figure out why.

Leave it to Debbie at Right Truth to use some excellent Private Investigator skills to track us down.

After doing some exhaustive research this is what she found...

May your Valentine's Day be full of Whips, Chains, and Squeegees!

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Happy Valentine's Day [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (13)

I've been tagged by The Hill Chronicles and thought I'd better do this one or else I might not getting any treats from Santy Claus. So, here goes....

123beta explains,

Ok, this is how it works: The player (me) must list 3 things that I would love to get for Christmas. Then I must list 3 things that I definitely do not want to get for Christmas. Then I tag 5 friends and list their names. The one I tag needs to write on their blogs about their Christmas wishes then tag 5 more people. They must also clarify all the rules. When you tag someone you need to leave a comment that says “you’ve been Christmas tagged!” in their comments and tell them to read your blog. Ok everybody…

The three things I would love for Christmas:

1. All moonbats beaten to a pulp (a bloody one, preferably - just trying to spread some holiday cheer).

2. A little more time in the day to myself *ARG*, lol, *ARG*.

3. Clearly, a Jaguar xjscv12, as I do every year.

The three things I do not want for Christmas:

1. Used underwear - as if getting ginch for Christmas isn't bad enough.

2. To be stuck on a plane flight with the final moron, Rosie O'Donnell.

3. Country music album - ANY AND ALL! *blech*

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Good gifts / bad gifts [by Culturetastic]
Bernie's Revenge Meme [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 03:05 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Hat Tip: Thanks goes to The View From The Nest for inspiring me to write about Santy Claus.

I am assuming (hoping) that my primary reader base is adults (considering the content I often post), nonetheless I want to raise awareness that NORAD tracks Santa.

Yes, now you can go online to the NORAD (The North American Aerospace Defense Command) military site to track Santa's progress.

NORAD uses four high-tech systems to track Santa - radar, satellites, Santa Cams, and jet fighter aircraft.

And, while perusing the net, I encountered a few other sites you may want to share with the wee ones (as with all things related to children online, check the sites yourself first to make sure they're appropriate):

Claus.com
The North Pole
And, learn all about Kris Kringle as wikipedia.
Santa's Journal
Santa's Workshop
Write and Email Santa (perhaps best to do this with adult supervision, if you trust it)

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the House
Pelosi was a stirring, with Murtha the louse;

The Dems were asking to hang George without care,
In hopes the troops would soon be back from over there;

While the Dems have been known to be way off their meds,
The voters took to replacing a few Republican talking heads;

The voters fell into the nastiest of traps,
With a choice between loonies or pork belly flaps;

With pork belly spending getting fatter and fatter,
The voters didn’t know what to do with the matter;

Continue reading "Twas the night before Christmas" »

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Posted by MrBig at 09:03 AM | Permalink

Oh ya, gotta love this website.

It's completely designed to encourage adultery for married people.

I don't know about you, but I'm disgusted.

I saw the commercial on tv some time ago and thought "that's sick"; profitting off illegal and immoral acts.

But, what's funny about this is that the owner's wife supports him in his money-making scheme:

Not illegal, but ill-gotten, gain seems to be of utmost importance to Morgenstern and his attractive wife, Marissa, who told CNN she was Darren’s “cheerleader.”

Idiots.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:02 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)

A lot of people have noticed that many arab countries, for some reason, come to their blogs looking for sex. So, I've thought of a way to enable the perverts of the world to get where they need to go while accommodating the web owner's wishes.

Below are just a few of the many possibilities for web owners to put up at their place.

To see a naughty, sexy, naked young woman with fetishes, you must choose one of the following links:

1) I am a muslim extremist and hereby denounce terrorism fully and agree to fight with the west against other extremists in exchange for clicking here to see a hot sexy... woman (or goat).

2) I am an anti-war type who hereby agrees to fully support the war effort in exchange for clicking here to see a hot sexy... woman.

3) I am a normal horny, non-extremist, non-antiwar type guy who agrees to visit and comment on Samantha Burns.com more frequently in exchange for clicking here to see a hot sexy... woman.

What would your 4th option be?

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Posted by Samantha at 12:10 AM | Permalink | Comments (12)

This is just a post of remembrance to all those who lost their lives, and those who lost their loved ones, to extremist evil.

A lot of people need a lot of support to get through the day, so please be kind to your fellow man, woman, and child.

Unless, of course, the people you come across are terrorists, then you can kick their arses (or worse).

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

If you missed it, The Ten O'Clock Scholar explained male fantasies a bit for us in a previous article commentary regarding a man on man photoshop job, and I was just wondering if other guys concur with this notion.

Though speaking as a man, I don't think women fantasize about man-on-man action; I think the photoshopper was just having fun turning the tables on the standard male fantasy of girl/girl.

Now, you might ask, what's up with that? The simple answer is it's the next stage of voyeurism: seeing not just naked women, but people having sex! Making them both female however avoids having to see some hairy dude, and protects the viewer from any accusations of latent male homosexuality.

While I'm at it, I'll also explain the "twins" fetish for ya! Of course, if one woman is good, two are better -- double everything! Hence the standard "I want two women" fantasy. But, one woman is complicated, so two are even harder to understand and relate to. What to do? Aha! Twins! It's ONE woman, with TWO bodies! Problem solved!

The icky fact that they are really sisters is mentally suppressed; they are simply thought of as a single entity.

See how the male mind works?

You're probably sorry now! :-)

;-D

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Posted by Samantha at 05:06 PM | Permalink | Comments (8)

No offense meant to those who suffer from it, but I'm going to have some fun here nonetheless (not that I wouldn't do it anyhow; everything's fair game here).

Go ahead and stake your claim on this domain that I'm about to hurl on you:

SplurgeAndPurge.com

I don't know about you, but I think this would make for a great bulimia website.

And, I guess it's no surprise that the domains listed a year ago are still available.

Get them while they're hot!

Top 10 Domains You Would Expect to Have Been Registered

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink

So, what's with all these old, virtually retired celebrities coming back with reality shows?

I mean, first we have The Osbournes, and perhaps I'm missing a few, but now there's Hogan Knows Best, Breaking Bonaduce, and My Fair Brady.

Of course, note they are all either from mtv or vh1.

And, I think the worst part about it is they play these shows when there is absolutely nothing else on tv. Though, I'm sure this is the only possible way they can get viewership because it all sucks royally, and I couldn't see any of it being successful in a prime time spot.

But, then again, I don't get any part of the reality show craze.

It's all suck-tacular to me.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:01 PM | Permalink

Got this idea from Right Wing Howler, check out that one too.

Credit goes to MR.BIG for the entire production.

See also:
Western Standard: If a tree fasts in a forest...
Michelle Malkin: How's the Fast Going?
AbbaGav: Sheehan Announces Hunger Strike, Michael Moore Strangely Silent
the squiggler: How do you spell hypocrite?
Simi Valley Sophist: Fasting Like They Fight

Previous/Related: The Non- Moonbat "To Do" List, Crazy Sam #32, The Appalling Wicked Witch Of The West, ANNOUNCEMENT: 2005 MOTY Results, SHUT. YOUR. PIE. HOLE. A. BIT. MOORE, MICHAEL.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

It's link the heck out of Radioactive Jam day, lol. Well, I did it in my PERV post and am doing it now, so close enough.

Anyhow, I read an article over there and thought it was worth a looksy and a bit of discussion.

Overheard Secondhand

RaJ asks,

A couple with a dearly loved Down’s Syndrome child refer to the little tyke as their “sweet ‘tard.�?

Is it okay to think that’s really funny and/or laugh?

What do you think?

Personally, I love the taste of sweet 'tards, I mean sweet tarts, so I don't see what the big problem is.

*gasp*

As you may know, I pride myself of being un-PC, so I have no shame in seeing the humour in it.

Political Correctness can suck my arse!

What says you?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

Yeesh!

Somebody will have to shoot me if they ever make a movie based on this "action" cartoon show: Captain Planet.

For those unaware, Captain Planet and the Planeteers was an animated series in the 90's - a Saturday morning cartoon if you will - based on environmental issues and pollution topics.

In the show, there are 5 kids with special rings that represent something environmental: water, earth, wind, whatever. And, with their rings, they can summon a superhero who conquers the major disasters.

At the end of every episode, they discuss environmentally sound initiatives that all people can do to "save" the planet from pollution and the like.

For example, they teach the kids about recycling, composting, and sh*t.

Ya, just wait til the enviro-freaks get their grubby hands on it and put this stinker onto the big screen.

It was a pretty popular show in the early 90's, and full of controversy, so I can imagine some enviro-dork remembering it and thinking to exploit it and the children who'd be watching it.

Of course, if they did make a movie like this, I'm sure they could get more corny, activist-nutty actors like they did for the cartoon. In the cartoon they had Martin Sheen, Whoopi Goldberg, Meg Ryan, Sting, and Ed Asner to name a few.

*shudder*

Anyhow, all I can do is hope to heck that that day never comes.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

I wasn't asked to do this one, but saw it at Cyber Chocolate's place and decided to give it a shot because the questions are more unique than most.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
The dreaded student loan. B*st*rds keep wanting my money!

2. Favorite place to eat a romantic dinner?
Ro-man-tic? Ummm… Chez Wendy’s?

3. Last time you puked from drinking?
You expect me to remember? Probably in my early 20s anyhow.

4. When is the last time you got drunk and woke up in a strange place?
Well, at least that I didn’t do.

5. Name of your first grade teacher?
Mrs. Something-or-other. Or, was it Miss?

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Getting more edumacated.

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
A Jaguar xjscv12 owner. Oh, and a teacher.

8. How many schools did you attend up through grade 12?
Two: elementary and one high school.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
HA! Ya, I’m wearing a shirt right now. Uh, sure.

10. Gas prices! First thought?
That’s not even appropriate to say online.

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you, where would you go and who would you take?
Well, I’m still a sucker for my home town, but Hawaii’s pretty nice and relaxing. But, taking someone’s a little more difficult because I’d like everyone I know to be there to visit with.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
Same as it is every morning, F*CK!!!

13. Last thought before falling asleep last night?
Ah, comfy, comfy bed.

14. Favorite style of underwear?
Is none a style?

15. Favorite style of underwear for the opposite sex?
Non-holey boxer briefs. Well, holes for the legs and body, but that’s it.

Continue reading "50 Questions: The Adult Meme" »

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (6)

Notice the blogad to the left there.

Cool, eh.

Go ahead and click on the link. I promise he won't bite.

When you're at the site, you'll get the chance to see live animal camera feeds. I won't tell you too much about it because I want you to head on over there and take a peek for yourself.

I'm going to go look for one with turtles, or turders as I call them.

Don't ask why.

But, anyhow, by checking out the sites in my ad spaces, you're helping to keep this blog running. So, I'd greatly appreciate any clicks you do - and this one has cwoot wittow animals. And, not to mention some ferocious people eaters... rrrrraaaaaaawwwrrrrrr!

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Posted by Samantha at 11:35 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

... and that is why I'm asking for your help.

You see, MR.BIG has always been the one to give me cartoon ideas to draw and post here on my blog.

Generally, I draw a blank as to what to draw, so I ask him if he has any ideas and then I draw them, but lately, he's been as stumped as me. Okay, part of the reason is because I'm taking on other projects in my own life, and apparently, so is MR.BIG and he really can't help me with my blog as much anymore.

Anyhow, blah, blah, blah, what I'm asking from my readers is to submit some cartoon ideas - detailed or not so detailed - and I'll see what I can do with the ideas.

As you may know from previous Crazy Sam Comics, I am willing to take on a challenge and thrive best when the cartoon is controversial. However, I enjoy drawing variety, too, so give me what you've got.

Although I probably won't be able to get to everyones (assuming many of you will help me out a little - yes, consider this virtual begging), I will give it my best shot.

This is a new attempt for me, so don't be shocked to see explosive failure on my part :-D

You can send the cartoon ideas via email - sam @ this site - or in the comment section below. For my email addie, if you haven't figured it out, check the FAQ.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:03 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

I've been informed that Graumagus from Frizzen Sparks is getting another year closer to his ultimate goodbye (heh).

If you'll remember, he had created the Retrosexual Code in 2003. If you don't remember or don't know about him, it's a worthy read; the retrosexual is the kind of man I'd like to meet.

Here's a taste:

A Retrosexual will buy feminine hygine products if he has to, but only under protest. This falls under unpleasant things you have to fucking DEAL with. Get some Hagen-Daas while your at it.

But, that's besides the point. This article is about aging.

Graumagus is turning 35.

And, to Graumagus, 35 means midlife crisis time.

I think it's the perfect time for a good, old-fashioned, midlife crisis. To do something utterly stupid that will probably embarrass me for years to come.

Your job: to come up with the best, most outragious, midlife crisis-themed activity, action, or otherwise.

YOU are going to choose what utterly stupid shit I do to celebrate my downward slide into the permanent dirtnap.

It's important that you read the Graumagus rules and information before entering the contest, but you could be the winner of a surprise prize and have some blogospheric fame if your entry wins it. As Graumagus says,

Spread the word far and wide, folks. This is your one and only chance to fuck with my life for your own twisted amusement.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Well, I'm back and playing the catch up game right now.

Thanks, Lilo, for the ad clicky support and thanks to everyone who stuck around to read my stuff - old and new (the stuff, not the readers) ;-D

I tried to keep as much new material scheduled as possible, so I hope it wasn't too boring last week.

And, I have no idea what's going on in the world right now because I wanted to come back completely fresh and just wanted to get away from it all for a bit. But, I'm back and ready to play some hardball, so I'll be surfing some of my regular blogs, as well as reading some new stuff out there.

Hopefully, there's some good sh*t going on in the blogosphere for me to rag on.

Fun stuff.

I'm also looking to boost readership, so if anyone has some good (and cost effective) ideas or article links to share, I'd be grateful, and I'm sure my other readers would appreciate it too.

So, ya, this article is pretty boring, but good news about my vacation... I got me a new pair of socks.

Comfy, too.

Lol.

Just had to add that.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (5)

Be A Better Male 101

Day 1: The 3 T's
Toilet Paper
It may grow on trees, but only you can replace the roll in the bathroom.
Group discussion and role play
Toothpaste
Tonight you will learn the crusty truth of why the cap must be put on the tube after use.
Practising with the tube
Trimming The Lawn
Will the grass disintegrate on its own?
Lawn Mowing Simulation Demonstration

DAY 2: Laundry
Underwear
Learn that it's more hygienic to buy more than 1 pair of underwear and to wear a new pair daily.
Class field trip to the mall
Washer
If it sits in the washer long enough will it magically transfer itself to the dryer?
Panel debate
Folding
Learn to fold in 3 easy steps
Hands-on experience
Bonus lesson:
Real Men Bring Them Flowers
Real life testimonials of men who didn't die as a result.

PS - Got this idea from Holly's Fight For Justice, thanks Holly.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:09 AM | Permalink

12 years after the Rwandan genocide, the people are still struggling with the aftermath.

A majority of those suffering are children, and it is from our first world countries' neglect that the devastation was so deep.

For those unaware, in 1994 the UN sent in a minority of peacekeepers without allowing them to discharge weapons - along with Canadian hero (although he doesn't call himself such) Romeo Dallaire - to try and negotiate an accord between the tribes.

But, it was to no avail.

Almost one million people were slaughtered in the genocide between the Tutsi and the Hutu clans.

It was at the hands of the US president, Bill Clinton, that any real aid was denied (a decision he claims now to be a "personal failure").

Anyhow, this is why I am writing in support of The High Places. He and his wife are heading to Rwanda to help fix up a school or more while there and to provide health training to the teaching staff.

I won't say much more on the topic, but I encourage you to read The High Places article, which has a brief survival story of a young Tutsi woman now living in North America, as well as a discussion on the blog that they may be able to maintain while helping out there.

Any support you can provide is desired, and I'm sure, greatly appreciated.

"Nearly every child there witnessed or participated in the torture and killings."

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

I always find it amusing how those who leave brutish, spiteful, and just plain retarded commentary on people's blogs never have the balls to put in a website name.

Now, I know there are innumerable people who legitimately don't have a blog and can't leave their blog address - and that's just fine with me - but does anyone else notice how the people who have something completely ignorant and inane NEVER have a blog site?

At least, that's been my experience.

Sounds a little peculiar. I mean, I rarely, if ever, see a jerky comment that leads somewhere. It's almost like they're ashamed of what they have commented, or perhaps they fear people going to their blog and giving them back a little of what they put out.

What I want to know is if you can be a snot and say something like that, why can't you take it at your own place?

I guess I can't expect them to stand for something, though, if they don't even display grace or pride in their commentary.

All in all, I suppose it's good for the rest of us, knowing that we don't have to go to their blog and read their absurd blather.

Or, perhaps most nutjobs don't actually have blogs. That's also good for us so that we don't have to mistakenly hit on it while searching the topic 'moonbat's gone wild'.

*shudder* (now there's an image I'll never get out of my head)

And, oh yes, what's a knapsake?

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Posted by Samantha at 10:04 AM | Permalink | Comments (7)

Related to an earlier post today on the hunting of seal up north, and how ignorant some can be simply because they're cute or have faces - whatever - here is a PERVs take on it.

This is what they want you to see...

Noooo... meestah, pwease don't huwt da quoot wittow seaw.

Let's ignore the delicious meat inside, and the importance of its completely valuable existence as our consumable product, and let's focus on those cute, glossy, baby eyes. We're all suckers for those fluffy animals with 'puppy-dog eyes', aren't we?

But, what the animal rights freaks really don't want you to see is this...

Crop Picking, ACK! SUCH CRUELTY MUST BE STOPPED! And, the torture continues at this broccoli processing plant. It's enough to make me wretch!

MURDERERS!!!

And, veggies have faces, too. Why, oh why, would anyone want to harm these little cuties?

I'm sorry to all you PERVs out there who may be in tears right now at the sight of the mutilation of those vulnerable veggies, but I had to display the hypocrisy.

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Posted by Samantha at 01:00 PM | Permalink | Comments (9)

Let the pinching commence.

I'm wearing my green, are you?

Hey, when they produce marijuana in Ireland, do they call it Leprechaun's Pot?

So, some things to do today:

1. Go around pinching the butts of attractive people who aren't wearing green. Not exactly the best 'come on', but it's St. Patty's Day and you may just get away with it.

2. Drink green beer until you start puking green, then drink some more.

3. And my favourite, you can waste your time trying to find leprechauns at The Leprechaun Watch.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
How Irish Are You? [by 123beta]

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Posted by Samantha at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)

You know, I was driving along today and saw a cow wandering in a pasture, and I thought to myself,

"aw, he's cute... but I'd still eat him".

I don't know how anybody in their right mind could pass up a nice, juicy, tender piece of meat.

Okay, so I'm not comfortable with eating just any kind of meat - I typically stick to the meats I know - but I still eat the stuff in general.

How can anyone not like the flavour and texture? I just don't get it.

I mean, I have a vegetarian relation and it drives me crazy when she quivers every time meat comes near her. She's eaten meat in her past, although she never really enjoyed it, but come on, what's not to enjoy?

I suppose this is about as perplexing to me as was my slutty friend (written about below).

Bah, oh well. I guess it just means there's more meat for me.

Perhaps I shouldn't complain so much about those veggi-tards.

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Posted by Samantha at 10:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (11)

but not quite.

Speaking of counting sexual experiences, you know I once had a friend who used to mark all of her partners on a calendar just to keep track of them all.

I know this seems like a bit of gossip, but I got a feeling her tracking system had something to do with if she were to get pregnant or AIDS or something. But man, what a slut.

I wasn't around for most of her rendezvous, but when I did go to visit her at her place, I would notice her calendar by her front door. It was riddled with names circled on whatever day she was with each person.

You know, like Monday, January 14 and the name John Doe was circled on that day, Wednesday, January 16, Bob Smith. Thursday, January 17, Frodo Baggins. Whatever.

I don't know how many frickin' partners she had in one year, but I'll bet she exceeded the sex rate of most, if not all those countries listed.

Pretty gross.

And, I always wondered why she had such low self-esteem. I mean, that's got to be the reason for such promiscuity, right?

From what I knew of her, she had a family quite like mine. Her dad worked similar to mine in hours and had a personality similar to my dads, her mom was an at home mom like mine - again similar personality, her parents didn't abuse her in any way that was noticeable, so I really couldn't make sense of what her problem was to allow herself to be used like that.

And, she never talked about it to me like she was bragging, or like she needed sex all the time. And, she wasn't wealthy or spending beyond her means, so I'm pretty sure it wasn't prostitution.

By all accounts that I could gather, she was merely an easy mark for bar-hopping guys.

I know this isn't one of my usual article writings, but this person really did baffle me, and I'm pretty good at understanding human behaviours.

Perhaps someone could clue me in one day.

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Posted by Samantha at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (4)

I think I'm coming to terms with PETA/environmental freaks.

(almost barfed a little saying that, so maybe it's not completely true)

(also, sorry if I made you gag, too)

I'm saying this because I'm thinking they are perhaps the ying to my yang.

Whereas they are the resource conservationists, I am the ultimate resource squanderer (and loving it, I might add).

I have no shame in consume, consume, consume.

Oh sure, I have my pet peeves, like wanting the lights shut off as soon as anyone leaves the room. But, in my defense, it's more about saving a few cents than anything else.

Now, if you can't tell by the title of this article, I am not writing to inform you that I've given in to those freaks.

Far from it.

I suppose, really, this is just rambling, but I did have an awareness of how polar opposite I am to those freaky-deakies.

The PETA/environmental nuts out there should really be thanking me rather than condemning my behaviours.

Why? Because I am helping to maintain a balance on this earth. With their fanatic over-conservation, this world must be made whole by my over-consumption.

As opposite as we are, we create harmony by existing on the same earth.

So, freak away, you PETA/environmental doofuses because I'm right here maintaining the balance - all the while mocking you.

Just had to share that with you.

The following articles have trackbacked this article:
Their Spring is Broken [by I Am, Therefore I Think]

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